Vivian Arend - Turn It Up

Her voice was soft, but clear. “Max, how many hours are there in a day? And how many of those hours do you spend doing things for other people? Dealing with emergencies, taking care of family? Then add the hours you’ve put into building your business.”

He still could have done better. “I’ve always been able to do it all before.”

“You’ve never been in this situation before. You’ve dealt with your education and moving out and living alone—I bet during each one of those seasons of your life you had different responsibilities, right?”

Fuck. No fair breaking out the logic. He couldn’t fight logic. “I know where you’re going with this, but that doesn’t make it any better.”

She grabbed his chin in her hands and squeezed. “It makes it real. You can’t be everything to everyone. You’ve got a full-time job, you’ve got me and a baby about to arrive. Your life has changed, this is your new reality. Maxine is old enough she’s not going to share everything with you anymore. She’s thinking about the same kind of things you have. About establishing a family and moving to the next stage of her life. Don’t you want that for her?”

“Of course.”

“And since you’re not spending all your time with her, that means she’s got time to visit with others like me. I think she’s enjoying my company. Are you going to begrudge me that?”

“Of course not.”

She squeezed him hard, her smile lighting up her face, and she’d never looked more beautiful. “Then set the routines into place that will let you take care of what’s really important—like you taught me back when we started exercising together. Take care of the things that are important, and that’s all you can do. But, Max, make sure you’re asking your sister what’s significant to her. You might be surprised how eager she is to grasp more independence, especially from the family.”

The sense in her words settled deep. “I still think Jamie was an asshole.”

Tasha snickered. “Agreed. And I guess he sucked in the sack—”

“Nooooo.” Max slammed his hands over his ears and mock-glared at her.

She covered her mouth to hold back her laughter, the other hand dropping to support her belly.

Minx. He tweaked her nose, then more seriously wrapped his hand around the back of her neck, staring into her beautiful eyes. God, he loved her. “What would I do without you?”

He leaned in and kissed her thoroughly before grabbing a file folder off the table and retreating to his office. He needed to figure out the legalese of the family legacy and the house, so he could make sure that Maxine didn’t lose the one thing she’d already made clear was important to her.

Tasha stared at his back as he left, feeling as if she’d somehow won the lottery. Being able to reassure him? Priceless.

She wandered into the kitchen, struck by a sudden desire for orange juice. After pouring it, the bags of groceries on the table caught her eye, and the dirty shelves in the fridge. They’d be moving tomorrow and the fridge was still a mess. She pulled everything off the top shelf, grabbed a warm washcloth and a small box, and started organizing items as she organized her thoughts.

This morning she’d woken with a million different threads running through her brain, looping around and knotting together until she’d given up on sleep and hauled her heavy body out of bed and into the shower. The water had done nothing to clear the tangled mess, and she’d wandered the apartment restlessly for hours.

The venomous night on the porch a week ago had become a catalyst in her life. She had seen it—there was something so bitter in her old friend that it had leached into her soul and now flooded out to hurt others. It hadn’t been pretty to experience, but realizing that Lila dealt with that bitterness daily made Tasha more determined than ever to move on.

She didn’t want to be like Lila. Bitter and alone. Refusing to accept the love being offered. Tasha was tired of being dragged back down by the things she’d thought were long buried. For the past week she’d been systematically going through all her emotional baggage. Stacking the items up and considering if they were worth holding on to, or ready for the trash.

Unfortunately, for every hurt she tossed aside, the pain of remembering took its toll and she’d been exhausted. Even this morning she’d finally admitted defeat and crawled onto the couch and collapsed with the chill of the past clinging to her.

Waking to look into his loving gaze.

Max.

He’d said he loved her. Shown it so many different ways. The thought he might not return her feelings, or might sometime choose his freedom over her—neither of those situations worried her anymore, no matter what Lila had said. Of the two of them, who should she believe? There was no contest. Maxwell Turner was a trustworthy man.

His concerned face from minutes earlier rose to her mind, and the flash of inspiration that hit made her grab the fridge door and cling tight. Right now, they were dealing with the same issue. The same advice she’d just given to Max applied to her.

Your life has changed, this is your new reality.

This was where she was—and the people she was with. She wasn’t the child abandoned by a father or uncaring mother; there were no cheating partners or unfaithful friends in her immediate circle. She was a thirty-four-year-old woman with a baby on the way. There was a man in her life who loved her, and cared for her with more energy than any one person had a right to possess. She had true friends and family surrounding her who would do everything they could to make her happy.

They all loved her.

But most of all, there was Max.

Tasha wiped away the tears flooding her eyes. There was no more denying it—how much she loved him. It had taken far too long to admit it, but it was there, inside her.

No rockets went off, no loud thunderclaps or brilliant fanfare accompanied her realization. Only tightness in her throat, and a building joy to melt the final layers of icy fear that had coated her heart for so long.

She loved him.

In the middle of her apartment kitchen with the mismatched appliances and all the cupboard contents loaded into cardboard boxes, her world turned one hundred and eighty degrees. Her own little miracle, and not a single person witnessed it.

She marveled over her realization. Love—such an ordinary event, but oh-so-extraordinary as she acknowledged it for the first time.

Tasha leaned over, the skin on her stomach stretched taut, muscles aching slightly. She slipped the box onto the clean shelf and stood, hands tight to the small of her back.

The front muscle band across her stomach, way down low, tightened again and she groaned. Damn Braxton Hicks. Talk about the ordinary and the extraordinary combining. She’d been experiencing the false contractions off and on for the past three weeks. They weren’t painful, more annoying, like a muscle that had been worked to the point of fatigue, tight and rigid. The first time they’d hit, she’d been astonished and slightly afraid. Now she took it in stride, breathing slowly until the muscles relaxed.

Again, awareness hit her. The reality was their baby would be here soon, and her body was getting ready. The practice contractions, as the books called them, were preparing her for when the real thing came along and Samantha would arrive.

Tasha had to laugh. Maybe if she considered all her waffling over the past months as practice loving for the real thing, she wouldn’t regret that it had taken so long for her to admit her true emotions. Ignoring what she felt for Max was a lie she refused to continue to tell. She wanted all of him. Every bit of his heart and soul, and she wanted to give all of herself to him as well.

Tasha snuck to the door of the office and peered in, watching him work. His fingers flew over the keyboard as he spoke into his headset. This should be forever. Them as a family—no, as a couple first—without any doubts, any fears. The poison that Lila had flung had watered down to nothing, diluted by the depth of compassion and caring Max had shown for so long.

Thinking again of Lila caused the final piece of the puzzle to click into place. There would always be someone who wouldn’t accept her unless she did what they wanted.

That wasn’t love.

Max must have seen her in his peripheral vision because he turned and smiled, asking to be excused from the person on the line. He swung the mic away from his mouth and held a hand to her. She took it and shuffled forward into his embrace.

“You need me?” he asked, smoothing a hand over her cheek.

Oh my God, yes. “Always.”

His grin widened. “I was planning on working for the afternoon to finish this up. You okay until supper?”

She nodded. Her heart was bursting to tell him what she’d realized, but even she, unromantic as she was, figured blurting out I love you right now wasn’t the way to do it. “I’m pretty sure I can keep myself busy. I’ll see you later.”

He kissed her quickly, squeezed her fingers, then dove back into whatever he was doing.

The anticipation of being able to share with him gave her a burst of energy. Suddenly, it wasn’t enough to wander the apartment dealing with the final packing details. Tasha checked her watch—there was more than enough time if she left immediately. She grabbed a sheet of paper and wrote him a note, left it on the table and headed out the door.

It was hours later before he dragged himself from the computers. He’d constantly found that one more thing to complete, but the end result was a lot more productive than he’d hoped. With luck he’d be free for the next few weeks, giving him time to be there for Tasha. Settling into their new home, getting ready for the baby to arrive.