Vivian Arend - Turn It On

Ryan took a deep breath and stared off into space. His blood pounded through him like he’d just finished a marathon. “Yeah, well, sweetheart, not everyone’s family is like yours. Some of us have families more like Attila the Hun’s than the Brady Bunch.” Maxine gave a little gasp, and he balled his hands into fists. “Crap, I didn’t mean that. I was trying to do what’s right by Carl, and by you, but I don’t even know what the right thing is anymore. You said you wanted no more extended family commitments. You told me one thing you appreciated was not having to deal with my relatives. What else was I supposed to think?”

Her face went completely white. “Oh my God, that’s not what I meant. I would never have said I wanted you to deny you had a brother.”

“I’m not denying him. Hell, I’ve changed my whole fucking life to be there for him.”

Comprehension floated across her face and her eyes widened. “He’s the reason you resigned, isn’t he?”

There was no use denying it. “He needs someone around on a consistent basis and damn it, he’s my brother.” Ryan was a tight bundle of nerves, and nothing was going the way he’d planned. “Look, you meant well, and I appreciate that, I just don’t know… Fuck!” He turned and paced the length of the porch, desperate to get away for a minute.

The worst part was seeing her with Carl lifted his hopes, making him wonder if he might be able to have it all. To keep his obligation to provide and care for his brother and feed his newfound desire to have Maxine in his life. Shit, it was too unrealistic to be true. She was so young, why in the hell would she consider taking on a situation that would tie her to a person she didn’t even know? Her family monopolized and controlled so much of her time, what right did he have to force more commitments on her? Just when she was finally getting a chance to be free.

He collapsed onto the porch swing, dropping his head into his hands. For all his strength and abilities, it was more than he could fathom. Making instant decisions during missions and about security matters was easy compared to this.

He truly didn’t know what the hell to do.

Maxine watched Ryan storm down the deck, thankful to see him head that direction instead of back to his car and away from her. His words cut deep, causing an aching hurt in her soul, but she didn’t want him leaving before they got a chance to deal with this mess. She slipped into the house with a heavy heart.

He’d been in her life for only a short time, but everything else in their relationship pointed to his depth of character. There was no one he expected more of than himself. She constantly found him taking care of more than she expected simply because he thought it was the right thing to do.

He’d retired from the service for Carl’s sake.

Now she kicked herself for overreacting. Oh, she was still mad as hell he hadn’t told her about Carl, but her responses over the past weeks to her family issues made his reaction far more understandable.

While he made sure she felt comfortable and cared for, he hadn’t asked for anything in return. She wiped away her tears and paced the hallway with nervous energy. Why couldn’t he understand this meant she finally had something she could provide, something she could help with? After all the things he’d taught her, about standing up for herself, about moving forward with her life, now there was something she could teach him. It didn’t mean they were committed for life, just that Carl would have another person to rely on. She was more than capable of being a big-sister figure. With the size of her extended family she was always on call. Yeah, she complained about it, but caring for family was what she had always done, what she’d been taught to do. It was a part of what made her who she was.

Fighting for balance was a good thing, but she didn’t want to be rid of her family.

She wasn’t sure how long she walked, trying to figure out the correct response when movement on the porch caught her attention. Ryan stood outside her living room window, his forehead resting against the glass. He lifted a hand and splayed it against the pane, a pleading expression in his eyes. Her breath caught in her throat and she moved toward him.

He mouthed the words “I’m sorry”.

Maxine refused to let the tears come. Lifting her own hand, she matched fingers to his on the opposite side of the glass. They stood for a long time, staring into each other’s eyes, before he smiled wryly. “Can I come in?”

She licked her lips and nodded. When he joined her there was no hesitation. He scooped her up and hugged her tightly, squeezing away the hurt clinging to her soul. He smelled like a fall breeze, fresh and sensually masculine. She shifted in his arms, slightly embarrassed at the scent of her own perspiration. She’d been in such a hurry to reach Carl she still wore her sweaty running clothes.

He leaned back and brushed her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “I really am sorry. I was wrong. I should have told you. We’ll figure out some way to keep Carl happy and not lock you into any commitments.”

She laid a hand over his mouth. “Stop it. Just stop, don’t try to solve the whole problem right now. I know about your brother. I’m glad. We’ll deal with the rest one day at a time. But there’s one thing—you told me before not to keep secrets that hurt. Feeling like you’re all alone with no one to help you hurts. You need to trust me more. I don’t know where this relationship between us is going, but we’ve got to be friends first. You don’t always have to be in control. Okay?”

Ryan kissed her fingers and she trembled. His arms were still wrapped around her and the warmth of his body melted into hers. She laid her head on his chest and listened to the beat of his heart. When he reached up to caress her back she closed her eyes.

“Do you still feel like going out tonight?” he asked quietly.

She shook her head. “Not really. I don’t think I’d be great company.”

He loosened the clip holding her hair and pulled the curls over her shoulder. As he stroked and petted her, tension drained away and a new sensation start to rise, one of longing and desire. Ryan turned her on faster than anyone she’d ever met.

“Hop in the bathtub with some bubbles. I’ll make a quiet dinner for the two of us.” He lifted her chin until their eyes met. “If I’m welcome to stay.”

Maxine stood on tiptoes to brush her lips against his. His flavor lit a fire inside and another shaky breath released, bringing her closer to being at peace. “Please stay.”

She stepped back slowly, watching him carefully. His dark eyes sparkled at her but tension still crinkled the corners. He appeared tired and much older than usual. She brushed a hand down the side of his face and leaned closer to kiss him again, wanting to wipe the worry away. He cupped her face in both hands and kissed back, lingering, brushing his lips and tongue gently with hers. Light and sweet and reassuring. They pulled apart at the same time and finally a small smile hovered on his lips.

“Go, take your time. Dinner will be ready when you are.”

Ryan waited until he heard the water stop running before raiding the fridge and concocting a simple supper of soup and sandwiches. It gave him plenty of time to consider the rashness of his earlier actions, and way too much time to think about what Maxine would look like in the tub, nipples playing peek-a-boo through a layer of scented bubbles.

He’d suspected keeping Carl’s existence a secret would hurt. He’d tried to bring up the topic but there never seemed to be an appropriate time. And now this was the result. He was thankful Max was so forgiving. He’d acted like an ass.

She still didn’t understand. She couldn’t have, or there was no way she would have agreed so quickly to getting involved with Carl.

Hell, he still wasn’t sure what he really felt for the boy. Responsible—that emotion was more than clear. He hated to see Carl’s pain-filled eyes, hated to see the confusion and the emotional upset that came from what would be a simple misunderstanding for another child. Carl’s existence had come as a shocking surprise and was a constant reminder of their joint father’s undisciplined lifestyle. Exactly the behavior Ryan strived to avoid.

An hour passed as he sipped the wine he’d found in the pantry and waited for Maxine to join him. Finally, curiosity got the better of him, and he ascended the stairs and went to find her.

Twilight shone in the windows of the master bedroom, shades of silver and grey falling across the bed where Maxine lay, tangled in the duvet. He approached slowly to make sure he didn’t frighten her, but she was fast asleep. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched her for a long time, her breasts rising and falling peacefully, bare skin open to his gaze where the quilt had slipped from her grasp.

She was beautiful. Everything about her made him hard and needy, but her compassion and caring touched him in places he had never imagined. Maybe it was possible to dream of forever with this woman. Right now she deserved to be cherished for the heart of gold she shared at every turn.

Reaching out carefully, Ryan tugged back the covers an inch at a time, his cock rising in anticipation as more of her warm flesh became exposed to his hungry eyes. Gentle as a whisper, he smoothed a hand up her thigh, the feel of satiny skin making his mouth water and his heart rate increase. He sat back and stripped off his clothing before joining Maxine on the bed.

She rolled toward him, all sleepy and warm, nestling into his arms like she belonged there. Their mouths met briefly before he brushed a line of kisses across her cheek. A low hum of arousal rose from deep in her throat to stoke his already primed nerves. Slow down. He needed to move slow and easy, but the urge to consume her grew with every moment.