Mum picks me up after Physics.

“How was it?”

“Meh.” It was meh minus mc2 but she can wait until results day to find that out. Watching The Big Bang Theory with Robert was a waste of time. “Mum?”

“Ye-e-s?” She suspects something straightaway. Not a good sign.

“What are you doing for Robert’s birthday?”

“No. You can’t go out that night.”

“That’s not why I’m asking.” As if I ever go out these days. “I was just wondering.”

“We are having a nice family dinner.”

“We being?”

“The family. The clue is in the phrase ‘family dinner’, Hannah.”

FFS. “So Jay’s coming?”

I see her frown. Of course he’s not. Yet.

“He’s pretty busy. I asked him up for your party but…” she says.

“Robert’s birthday’ll be more his sort of thing, won’t it? He could just come up for the night. I bet if you paid his petrol…” I’m thinking that I’m pretty good at being crafty when I notice Mum’s looking at me and not the road ahead. I look at her and she looks back to the road.

“Miss him, do you?”

I hadn’t expected that. What do I say? “I suppose…”

“Of course you do. You two were very close.”

Oh God, what is she saying? Just stop, Mum, please.

“You could give him a call…?”

Nonononononono… “You know what he’s like, Mum. If I call him he’ll make an excuse about his exams or something.” Good one, lay the groundwork early. “If you ring, you can explain how much Robert’s missed him and he’ll understand.”

Mum swings the wheel round as we turn onto the main road and we sit in silence as she concentrates on merging into the traffic. Then, “That’s a good idea. Let’s do that.”

Nailed it.

AARON

At ten o’clock I get a call from Hannah.

“You should be revising History,” I say immediately. It’s her weakest subject after English and I know Dad has his concerns as to whether she’ll pass.

“For your information, Mr Tyler, I have been. Now can you put your son on? I need to talk to him.”

I smile. “He’s very busy watching videos of pugs dressed as superheroes on YouTube. This had better be important.”

My smile fades as she tells me why she called.

SATURDAY 5TH JUNE

HANNAH

I’ve been standing under the stream of water for nearly fifteen minutes. I am clean and pink. The baby is awake and trying to get comfy inside my too-small body and I rest my hand on my belly and smile at its efforts. Water runs from my hair, down my shoulders, between my breasts and cascades over the bump. I don’t see the silver splashes where it hits the shower floor because my belly is so big that I can’t even see my toes. I hope the nail varnish Anj did before the exams isn’t too chipped and if it is, well, what am I going to do about it? I can barely reach my feet to put my shoes on and I’m not trusting Lola to paint them. I could ask Mum, I suppose.

I twist off the tap and stand, dripping for a moment, slicking my hands back over my hair and wringing out the ends before I get out, taking loads of care — I have proper paranoia about slipping and falling on the wet tiles. I wrap the towel around me and stand in the patch of sun from the window, snug inside my warm, soft cocoon. The baby presses a limb against something and I wince but it’s still on the move so it passes quickly.

I’m dry and wearing my favourite dress and leggings. I haven’t bothered with make-up. I predict tears today and I don’t want panda eyes — it’s bad enough I’m going to have puffy eyes. I have puffy everything at the moment. My ankles are a weird shape and my fingers are pretty swollen too. In some ways I’m looking forward to having the baby — at least then I might get my body back, even if it is different from how it was when this started.

I hear a squeal of laughter from the sitting room and psych myself up for what’s ahead. I stand on the top step and think about running back into my room, slamming the door shut and refusing to come out, like some diva who’s had the wrong champagne delivered backstage. Can I run away and hide? Please?

But running is all I’ve been doing and I’m tired. Time to stop and take a stand. There’s no justice in Jay getting away with it any longer — he’s the father. He doesn’t get to opt out. That’s all there is to it.

Pausing outside the door, I look round the frame, ready to see Jay and my little sister having fun without me. Robert’s there too, his two kids standing either side of him, showing him something on the Wii. Lola’s pretty party dress is tucked into her knickers so she can move around more easily, and a suit jacket I suppose must be Jay’s is lying on the sofa. Mum comes up behind me and rests a hand on my shoulder and I turn to see her watching them too, a warm, happy smile on her face.

Can I really do this?

There’s a knock on the door and Mum frowns. She’s not expecting more guests and I duck under her arm, beating her to it. I open the door to Aaron, dressed as if he’s come for dinner, although he should have come dressed for war.

I say nothing, just step into his arms.

“This is it,” I say and Aaron kisses the side of my head.

AARON

I can feel her quaking as I hold her.

“This is it,” I say, wishing it wasn’t. When she lets go I have to fight the urge to pull her back and tell her that she doesn’t need to do this. She doesn’t need Jay.

But needing and wanting are different things. She can pretend that this is about ending the lies, but it isn’t only that, it is because, even after everything he’s done, Hannah still wants Jay.

HANNAH

Mum’s gone into the sitting room to join the others so when we walk in it’s to face all four of them.

“Aaron!” Mum sounds as surprised as she looks. “We weren’t expecting you.”

“Happy birthday, Robert,” Aaron says and hands him a card and a bottle of whisky — good stuff that I reckon he’s nicked from his dad. We both know Robert’s going to need that later.

“Er… thank you.” Robert looks baffled.

All this time I’ve been avoiding looking at Jay, but I can’t hold it off any longer. His lips are pressed so tight together they’ve turned white and with his short hair and stubble he looks dangerous. And he’s looking at me.

AARON

Paula looked at the clock when I walked in and when she turns back to me I can tell that she thinks I’m intruding.

“I didn’t know you were coming over, Aaron. We’re about to go out for dinner…”

“Aaron can come too!” Lola bounces over to hug me, knocking into a vase of flowers, spilling water all over her dress and the carpet. I bend over and right the vase as Hannah’s mum fusses over Lola, telling her to go and get changed whilst she cleans this mess up.

Lola bounds upstairs saying she’ll choose something Daddy would like and I feel Hannah tense as her mum comes back in with a tea towel.

“Honestly, I don’t know what’s got into that child today. She’s been mad with excitement about you coming, Jay—”

HANNAH

“Jay’s the father.”

Oh God, there must have been a better way to do it than that. Mum’s looking at me as if she has no idea what I just said and Jay’s looking at me with nothing but fury in his eyes. I daren’t look at Robert. I daren’t.

I open my fingers and Aaron’s hand is there almost before I knew I was reaching for it. Is he trembling too, or is that just me? It’s me. I’m terrified.

“Hannah?” Mum. Her eyes are pleading when I meet her gaze, as if she’s asking me to take back the words, swallow them as if they never existed.

“Jay’s the father of my baby,” I say again, quieter this time.

“Aaron?”

I just shake my head and feel his thumb brush the side of my hand. We agreed he should stay quiet, he’s here to give me the strength to do this myself.

“Jason?” Robert’s voice. I look up and he’s looking at Jay, who is still looking at me and not at his father. When Jay says nothing, Robert repeats his name. “Jason, what’s going on?”

I look at Jay. Don’t just leave this to me, Jay. Please don’t. Say something, say anything.

“I don’t know what she’s talking about.”

“What?” I hear Aaron’s voice chiming in with mine.

“Hannah’s lying.”

When I said “say anything” I didn’t mean that. The horror of what I’m hearing has sealed my throat and frozen my face. He’s saying I’m a liar? He’s telling them I’m making this up? How can he do this?

I step forward straight onto a soggy patch of carpet.

“Sit down, Hannah,” Mum says, then calls up the stairs to Lola to tell her to practise her birthday dance for Daddy before she comes down. I sit on the second sofa, Aaron next to me, Mum and Robert on the other one and Jay on my favourite armchair. He and I used to fight over it, sitting on one another, trying to crush the other into submission, until we’d give up and squash into it together. Bet I’d win if I sat on him now.

“Why are you saying this, Hannah?” Mum says. I don’t know whether that means she believes me or that she doesn’t.

“Because it’s true. Jay and I… we… and…” I look at her and hope she understands what I’m saying.