The last time Jay looked at me like this was the night I got pregnant.

“What are we doing?” he whispers, eyes searching mine, one hand on the door, the other on the roof of his car, circling me in the space between. I take him in, concentrating on every little detail of his face — the stubble on his jaw; his nose and eyebrows; his lips and the way his tongue moves behind his teeth as he speaks. “It wasn’t meant to be like this.”

He turns away and I sink into the car, my body charged with wanting. As Jay slides into the driver’s seat, he puts the key in the ignition, but he doesn’t turn it. Instead he turns to look at me. “I don’t know what to do.”

“You’ve been driving for over a year now,” I say, smiling, and he smiles back at me in such a way that my pulse hammers in my throat.

“Strangely enough I didn’t mean about that.” He rests the side of his head on the headrest, the same way I’m doing, eyes not leaving mine.

I want him to kiss me. I want it so much that I could almost confuse imagining it with doing it. Is he thinking the same? And then, as if I’ve wished it into happening, Jay bridges the gap between us and tilts his head until his mouth is on mine, trying to own me just as I’m trying to own him, our breath rushing together, noses pressing into each other’s cheeks… My body isn’t mine, my brain is a mess and I can’t stop one hand from reaching up and curling around the collar of his jacket, pulling him closer to me as I lift away a little, catching my breath as I meet his gaze.

“Han…” He doesn’t finish the thought before he’s leaning in closer and we’re kissing once more and I’m thinking that the unthinkable, unhopeable, has happened. Jay has changed his mind.

AARON

When Mum comes in asking if I’ve seen The Kaiser anywhere, I’m still sitting in the dark, in silence, waiting for the sound of Jay’s car driving off. If I’m honest, I know this behaviour is a bit disturbing, but they’ve been sitting in his car for ten minutes now and every second that passes, my mood darkens. Tonight’s events and the way I’m responding to them is scaring me.

Mum asks me why I’m sitting with the light off and I shrug, ears straining as I think I hear an engine firing up.

“Aaron, you know it’s this kind of behaviour that worries a mother.” She sits on the bed and I hear a car pull away, the engine rattling. They’ve gone.

I look at Mum. I can’t tell her the whole story, but… “I found out who the father is.”

HANNAH

It was always going to be a night to remember. Robert’s cash plus Jay’s mates equals a pretty awesome party: a marquee in the garden and a ton of pre-uni hotness in our house? Yes, please. It took a bit of persuading to be allowed to stay whilst the rest of them went to Robert’s parents for the night, but Jay’s promise to keep an eye on me sealed the deal.

Jay had said Katie could come too and she arrived early that afternoon. We spent far too long messing about getting ready so that by the time we came downstairs loads of Jay’s mates had arrived. I’m not going to lie. I was on the prowl. A summer of flirting with Tyrone and learning how to make a guy lose control had given me confidence. There was this boy, Dion, from Jay’s year that I had a massive crush on, but I was willing to wait and spent an hour or so with Katie, playing the field — well, the sitting room — before I left her to it and headed for the kitchen.

Dion was there. I knew he’d clocked me already since there’d been some good glances going on, and it was easy to flirt with him once I got him alone. Until someone came into the kitchen.

“Han?”

I look up from the counter where I’m leaning on strategically folded arms. Jay does not look happy.

“Jay! Dude!” Dion swings round in one of those power whole-arm-handshake gestures, but as Jay shakes his hand he’s staring at me. I stop leaning on the counter and hug my bottle instead.

“Chatting up my little sister, are you, Dion?” he asks, all innocent. I want to punch him.

“Little…?” Dion looks at me in horror, then at Jay. “You’re Hannah as in…? I didn’t recognize her — you…” He has no idea who he should be talking to. “Look. I’ve got to, um… See you around.”

Running would be a pretty accurate description of how he leaves the room.

I do punch Jay. On the arm. Perfect nerve strike.

“Ow.” He rubs his arm, but grins at me. “Dion’s got a girlfriend, Han. I’m just looking out for you.”

Oh.

I huff out, but as I pass I hear Jay say, “Nice outfit.” And I smile to myself, forgiving him.

Katie was tongue-deep in some guy’s face in the corner of the sitting room and it didn’t take long for me to grow bored of eavesdropping on other people’s conversations. A change of scene was in order. The marquee was calling and I was in the mood for dancing — and getting noticed. It’s all about inhibitions and, let’s face it, I don’t really have any of those. I slipped in amongst the groups that were already on the dancefloor and it wasn’t long before a cute guy started matching my moves. Just as I brought my arms around the boy dancing with me, I felt a pair of hands on my waist pulling me gently back. I didn’t mind. Hands on waist is never a bad sign and these hands felt good. They didn’t seem shy of touching me.

When the hands spun me round I realized why.

Grinning, Jay leaned in and told me he’d put in a request. As the music changed, I burst out laughing at the opening chords of “our” song, the one we invented a dance to, that we performed at Mum and Robert’s wedding after hours spent practising in the front room — Jay was convinced he could teach me how to do the “running man”, despite not having a clue himself. There and then, without thinking, the pair of us automatically stepped into formation, a circle clearing around us as we put on a step-perfect performance, the pair of us laughing so hard we could barely breathe.

And I felt special. I never feel special. Not really. I don’t think many people do. It takes a lot of self-confidence to think that someone you really rate might think you’re all right. It takes a leap of faith to believe it. But sometimes, someone is awesome enough to take the time to make you feel that way. I knew everyone was laughing as we moved like malfunctioning robots, but the only person who mattered to me was Jay. The same way it’s always been, one way or another.

The night passed. I chatted to and danced with a million different people, buzzing so hard that I was one of the last to bed, hunting around for Katie amongst the bodies sprawled on the sofas and in the spare room. But she wasn’t anywhere to be seen… until I opened my bedroom door.

No one had bothered to shut the curtains and in the moonlight I saw one guy passed out face down on my bed. But it was the floor show that caught me off guard. I didn’t recognize the boy, but he sounded very pleased with what was happening — my best mate bouncing around on him like a space hopper, her back to me. I shut the door as fast as I could, but I couldn’t help hearing Katie start to make some weird little squeaking noises. Grim.

I could have knocked on the door, given them a chance to sort themselves out before I went in and reclaimed my room. Instead I went up the stairs to Jay’s space in the loft.

“Jay, it’s Hannah,” I say, opening the door a little bit.

“Hey, Han, you OK?” Waving me in, he sits up, bare chest and bleary beer-drenched eyes.

“Katie’s with some guy in my room.” I sit on the bed next to him.

“There’s a surprise,” Jay says. “Want to stay in here?”

“Uh-huh.” I get off the bed and curl up on the bean bag, but there’s a draft. I wriggle around and pull Jay’s T-shirt off the floor and over my feet. I’m aware I’m making a lot of noise. There’s a reason for that…

Jay sits up again. “You OK over there?”

“Cold. Got any bedding spare?”

But I know he hasn’t and I watch as he shuffles over and lifts up the duvet for me to climb in. “Or you can lie there and run the risk of me killing you for fidgeting too much.”

I clamber in, enjoying the warmth of his mattress and the smell of him close by as I snuggle into his duvet. Sleep isn’t exactly there waiting for me. I’m hyper-aware of Jay’s body on the other side of the bed. It’s like I can feel every breath. I half roll over to look at him. His eyes are closed.

I wriggle, trying to get comfortable but I’m not. I feel all tingly and excited. This is stupid. This is Jay. I squeeze my eyes shut and concentrate on the idea of falling asleep.

“Han?”

“Yeah?” I don’t look round.

“You’re a really heavy breather.”

“Thanks!” I smile into the pillow.

There’s silence again, but I’m even less sleepy than I was to start with.

Jay shuffles about behind me until I feel his breath on the back of my neck. All I can think about is that whisper of air on my skin. There’s movement and I feel an arm reach round to cuddle me. Gently, I lay my hand over his. Jay goes very still, like he’s waiting for something. Slowly, uncertainly, I slide my fingers between his and gently guide his hand under my top and onto the skin of my tummy.

I breathe out.

This should be weird. But it really, really isn’t.

Jay’s body is close to mine. I can feel the heat on my back, his legs as they curl into the curve made by mine. Gradually, I find that I’m leaning back, pushing myself into him. The hand under my top strokes very, very gentle fingers over my skin.