LEANING AGAINST THE bathroom doorframe, Kerry toweled her hair dry and watched Dar standing at the kitchen counter getting them both some hot chocolate. Contrary to her previous good humor, Dar now seemed almost sullen, and she wondered at the sudden mood change. Had Dar sensed her own apprehension? Kerry exhaled, as she fought conflicting emotions that were making her stomach roil.

She really liked Dar. And that was the problem, unfortunately. As long as she could consider this just a crush, or at worst, a playful experiment, things were okay. She didn’t have to worry about what her family would say, or what consequences there were, because, after all, it was just a little fling, right? Just a dabbling in the strange and interesting waters of her altering sexuality?

A soft clank of a spoon made her look up; the scent of chocolate floated across the condo and reached her as the soft whirr of the microwave started up. Kerry patted her face dry with the towel, her body reacting unexpectedly when she caught the scent of Dar’s body wash in its nap. “Mmph, that’s more than a toe,” she uttered, glancing past the towel towards her companion.

It wasn’t just a fling anymore. Dar was getting more serious. She was getting more serious. This was already way past a crush and had gone further than an experiment. It was wandering into realms that made her stop and take stock of where she was, where she wanted to go, and who she wanted to be with; a sudden change in her perspective she hadn’t expected and didn’t honestly know how to deal with. She was head over heels in love, and it scared her. Kerry swallowed the lump that had suddenly appeared in her throat, this sudden need clashing with a lifetime of learning that her wants and her needs just really didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Above 314 Melissa Good all, she didn’t want Dar getting hurt, and she could sense that both of them were moving towards a point where it would be easy to do that.

If they weren’t already past that point, that is. Kerry sighed, eyeing her companion. Dar leaned over the counter waiting for the microwave, and as Kerry watched, reached a hand up to push her damp hair back behind one ear.

Kerry squinted a little. Her hands were shaking, she realized, and that made her sling her towel around her shoulders and walk over. “Hey.”

“Hey, almost done.” Dar smiled briefly.

Kerry reached out and touched her arm, feeling the skin chilled under her fingers. “You’re cold.”

The taller woman nodded as she tucked her hands under her arms and folded them across her chest. “A little, it’s chilly in here,” she acknowledged, keeping her eyes on the microwave.

Kerry rubbed her skin gently, sensing the upset in the tall body next to her. Dar’s jaw muscles were tensed, and her gaze remained elsewhere, refusing to raise and meet her own. “It is, I guess. G’wan over to the couch.

I’ll wait for this,” Dar’s voice was soft, but the words were clearly enunciated.

Kerry hesitated, then took a breath. “Why don’t you go in and sit down.

I’ll bring these in. Do you want a long-sleeved shirt or something?”

The blue eyes dim and shadowed, Dar looked at her. “No, it’s all right. I’ll be fine.”

She decided on directness. “Dar, what’s wrong? You got so quiet.” The microwave beeped, and she forestalled the taller woman opening the door and removing the cups, an idea occurring to her suddenly. “Is your side hurting?”

Dar shrugged. “A little,” she confessed, taking her cup. “Let’s go inside.”

Kerry took her own cup and they walked into the living room, taking seats on the couch together in the quiet living room. Dar cradled her hands around her cup and studied the surface of the chocolate. “So, what is it we need to talk about?” she asked. “You sounded pretty serious.”

Kerry heard a note in Dar’s tone she hadn’t expected, and it made her slow, and think, and choose her words carefully. They were two different people who communicated in two very different ways, she’d realized. She could almost feel the tightrope she was walking over as she prepared to pull back another layer of herself and risk causing the both of them a lot of pain.

She knew it had gone too far already, seeing Dar’s whitened knuckles around her cup and feeling the tight ache in her own throat as she realized she had no choice; there was only one way to go with this and still stay honest to her heart. No way back. “You know…” Dar’s eyes went to her face, and she almost flinched at the wary look. “It occurred to me that earlier tonight, when those guys came at us, that, um…you got between them and me.”

Dar shifted a little and cleared her throat. “I guess I did,” she admitted.

“I…um, I didn’t think about it, I just…wanted to make sure you didn’t get hurt, that’s all.” She sounded a touch perplexed, not really understanding the direction Kerry had taken. “That was all right, wasn’t it?”

“That’s a nice feeling,” Kerry said, softly. “When you do it, anyway,” she reflected soberly. “I…when I was a kid, Dar, I had a lot of people who said they were just looking out for me. You know?” She paused. “Making sure I Tropical Storm 315

had the right friends, the right clothes… My father had aides, bodyguards, really, who would go around and report back to him about things they thought weren’t good for us.”

Pale blue eyes watched her intently. “Mmm,” Dar murmured, still unsure of where it was all going. “Parents do stuff like that, I guess.”

“Did yours?” Kerry gazed quietly into her eyes. “Did they tell you what to think, and what to wear, and what to believe in, Dar?”

Dar’s brow creased a little, and her eyes shifted off Kerry’s face for a moment, before returning there. “No,” she admitted. “I think they were just glad I could think, and I was wearing something, and I avoided getting arrested.”

Kerry had to smile. “You have no idea how lucky you are.” She felt the smile fade as she set the cup down and rested her elbows on her knees. “It wasn’t like that for me.”

“Uhm-mmm,” Dar made a thoughtful sound.

“When I was in school, before I went to private school, that is, I had…there were a few kids I really liked, but they weren’t…well, they were pretty poor, or one was…not our religion, or…and the funny thing was, when I found one I really liked, but my folks didn’t, after a little while they’d just go away.” Kerry kept her eyes on her hands. “I’d just go to school one day, and they’d be gone, moved away, sent to another school, whatever.”

“Happens sometimes.” Dar stated softly.

“I thought that too, until I heard one of their mothers saying they’d been forced to move,” Kerry replied quietly. “But it was like that with everything…toys…I had a stuffed rag doll I used to sleep with. They thought that was a bad thing. So I got home from school one day, and it was gone.”

“Kerry…” Dar’s voice had gentled and deepened.

“I, um…I even had a puppy,” Kerry went on, remotely. “A little golden cocker spaniel. Her name was Susie.” She took a sip of her chocolate and managed to swallow it. “I loved her. She was so cute. I played with her all the time. We would run around outside, sometimes with my sister, sometimes just us. She knew how to bring a ball back, and I would sit and comb her hair, you know they have that long, silky hair?”

Dar’s eyes lowered. “Yes, I know.”

“I was playing with her one day, and Kyle…” Kerry’s voice twisted.

“Came to get me, and told me my father wanted me and my sister to pose for some pictures, some magazine people were there. I told him I didn’t want to, that I wanted to stay and play with Susie.” She nodded a little. “And the next day, I came home from school and went to find Susie…but she was gone.” Her eyes filled with tears, even now. Even all these years later. There was complete silence from Dar, and she didn’t dare look at her.

“I searched and searched. Until finally, three days later they told me she’d been taken to the shelter. They wouldn’t take me down there, so I ran…I ran…but I got there too late.” She felt the misery all over again, of going down the long, ill lit hall, with the smell of alcohol and hopelessness around her, and all those sad faces behind the grills. “They told me she’d been sick, and that they’d put her down that morning.” She paused, and waited, for the lump to go down. “I think the worst part for me was knowing she’d gone alone—no 316 Melissa Good one to pet her.”

How many long hours had she sat there, outside that damned shelter?

Crying until she hadn’t had any tears left, until one of the housekeepers had come to get her. It was the one bit of compassion she’d found that it hadn’t been Kyle or one of the other aides but instead this gentle gray-haired woman she’d known all her life who had given her a hug and told her there’d be other puppies, some day. Some day. “I got punished when I got home for running off.” Kerry exhaled at the memory. “Poor Susie.”

She heard a soft, incoherent sound from Dar, but kept her eyes on her cup. This was the important part. She wanted Dar to understand. “So I learned, Dar…I learned not to want anything. Not to care for anything, because as soon as I did that, it would be gone, and the harder I tried to fight for something, the faster it would be taken away from me.” She took a shaky breath. “It just got to where it hurt too much, always losing.” She paused and seemed to gather her thoughts. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot…and about us…and…Dar?” She glanced up at a strangled choke.

She met eyes so dark with rage, they almost seemed purple in the amber light. Dar’s entire face was still, and her body tense and motionless, save her right hand, which was slowly clenching and unclenching. Good god. Kerry put her hand on the taller woman’s knee. “Dar?” It was like touching a vibrating engine, the tension fairly sang out of her body. “Are you…” Kerry let her words trail off, amazed at the pure anger being generated.