Rachel Dyken - Toxic

“Who said you had to give her anything?” Wes answered and walked out of the room.

You know you’re in love with someone when the idea of them being in love with someone else doesn’t just wreck you, it invades every part of your being. Yet, how could I be upset that Gabe loved her? When his love for her was one of the very reasons I loved him? —Saylor

Saylor

The coffee was bitter.

It didn’t help.

I took a seat on the cold metal chair and tapped my nails against the coffee mug. An hour went by, and finally someone walked into the tiny hospitality room.

“Found you.” Lisa winked then plopped down next to me. “So are we wallowing or are we just… thinking?”

I smiled. “A little bit of both.”

“He loves you.” Lisa’s eyes didn’t meet mine. “For what it’s worth, I’ve known Ashton all my life, and he loves you, loves you something fierce.” She covered my hand with hers, “You may be sharing him for now, but considering the circumstances, I can’t imagine a better person to be sharing him with. And that’s the truth. Kimmy… she would have loved you.”

For some reason that made me want to cry. “What was she like?”

“Talented.” Lisa removed her hand. “Loud.” Laughing, she rose and grabbed her own cup of coffee. “I looked up to her so much. It’s funny, even though she and Ashton had something special, they never left me out, even though I was two years younger and ridiculously naïve.”

“Freshman?” Everything sort of clicked. “You just started school though.”

Lisa’s face darkened. “Yeah, well, I didn’t go to school right away. I mean, it was my idea to help Ashton escape everything, but I didn’t follow him right away. I um, I stayed in LA for a bit.”

“And stopped modeling?” I asked. “What happened?”

“I think,” she said, taking a seat, “that we’ve had enough sad stories for one day.” Her smile returned. “I just wanted to let you know — just in case you were having doubts — he needs you.”

“Thank you.” The room fell silent.

“I overheard them talking about hospice,” Lisa mumbled. “I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

“It does.” Another voice chimed in. Kiersten walked into the room, looking about as crappy as I felt, and sat at the table. “I just talked with Wes. The infection’s getting worse, not better. I just… I don’t know. I wish there was something we could do.” Her eyes met mine. “When Wes went through his surgery and everything, at least he knew we were present, you know? He was able to talk with us, cry with us.” Her voice wavered. “But Kimmy? Or Princess? She’s hurt and doesn’t know why. All she knows is Gabe’s sad and she can’t figure out why. You know? I just wish we could give her happiness.”

I listened intently, my mind reeling. What could we do? How could we make it easier? Not that it would ever be easy.

“I think—” I croaked out. Then I cleared my throat and tried again. “I think I have an idea.”

Kiersten’s and Lisa’s heads both snapped up.

“But, I need your help, and Kiersten, we’re going to need Wes.”

Kiersten grinned. “We always need Wes. He’s like a superhero.”

I had to agree with her. The man was probably Batman in another life or something.

“Okay.” I leaned forward. “This is what we’re going to do.”

****

After the girls and I talked, we decided to go grab lunch at the cafeteria and then find Gabe.

He was in the game room with that man he’d seen earlier, Mike. Wes was there too. All three of them looked tense.

A camera crew was setting up, and one of the assistants was putting a microphone on Gabe.

“Fifteen minutes.” Gabe spoke slowly. “I can do fifteen minutes before I crack. My strength… it’s going to get zapped fast.”

“Alright.” Mike cleared his throat. “Just talk, Ashton, and I’ll make sure the story gets told the way you want it told.”

“Has he heard from his dad?” Lisa whispered in my ear.

“No.” I sighed. “At least not that I know of. After this morning I’m pretty sure the last person he wants to see is his dad.”

Lisa snorted. “Ain’t that the truth. I’d probably run him over with my car, so it’s probably good he’s hiding out.”

“Ready?” Mike asked.

Gabe’s eyes flickered to mine, his mouth relaxed.

I licked my lips and mouthed, “I see you.”

His shoulders instantly relaxed as he mouthed back, “I see you.”

“So, Ashton Hyde,” Mike started. “It’s been a while. Why don’t you start off by telling us where you went?”

“I think the important part,” Gabe said, nodding and leaning forward, “is not where I went but why I went.” He looked down at the ground and then directly at the camera. “Boy gets famous, boy meets girl. Boy’s world is flipped upside down, boy makes a bad choice, girl gets hurt. Boy’s heart shatters inside his chest, but doesn’t stop beating. It just continues to beat through the brokenness, even though each pump hurts like hell.” Gabe sighed. “I disappeared because suddenly my life didn’t matter anymore. It was all about hers. Getting her the best care, getting her away from the watchful eyes of the media.”

“And her parents?”

Gabe sighed, his face darkened. “The minute she became what she is now, her parents bailed. They couldn’t handle it. It was too hard, and they signed over guardianship to me. I have power of attorney, everything. We belong together. As if we’d actually gotten married.”

Mike nodded. “Yet you never wed?”

“No.” Gabe licked his lips. “We never did, but I took care of her — take care of her — as if I made those vows, even though I tried really hard to be something I wasn’t.”

“Meaning?”

“My escape was creating a new identity. I thought it would be easier. When I came to the Home I was just Ashton. When I went to college, I was Gabe, a completely different version of myself. I thought… I thought separating the two would make it less painful.”

“Did it?” Mike leaned forward. “Did it make it less painful?”

“No.” Gabe exhaled. “If anything, it made it worse, because Gabe fell in love with a girl too.” His eyes met mine. “But he shares a heart with Ashton, and Ashton’s heart will always be in limbo — waiting for his princess to either wake up or go to sleep.”

You could hear a pin drop in that room.

Lisa gripped my hand while Kiersten wrapped her arm around me. Gabe was already starting to sink lower into his chair. Emotionally, he was done.

“Let’s talk about your father.” Mike began, “What’s this business about your parents wanting you home? What’s the truth?”

“My father wants what used to be his cash cow…” Gabe shrugged. “Had he offered me love, acceptance, understanding, I would never have been put in the position I am now. I begged him to leave me in peace. Instead, he threatened the well-being of those I love the most. So that’s why I’m here, giving this interview. He can say whatever he wants, but I want my fans, my family, my friends, to know the truth. I never left them because I hated them, I didn’t lie because I wanted to. I did it because at the time, I didn’t see any other choice. And every single one of my choices was made because of her.”

“True love.” Mike nodded his approval and smiled warmly. “It sounds like true love.”

“Yeah.”

“Ashton, anything else you want to say to your fans?”

“Thank you.” Gabe’s voice dropped. “For understanding.”

“Alright, that’s it.” Mike waved at the camera crew while someone stood up and grabbed the microphone from Gabe.

Everyone started packing up while Wes approached Gabe and pulled him in for a tight hug then handed him a phone.

Gabe dialed a number, then held the phone to his ear, face tight. He looked ready to unleash on someone.

“Yeah, you wanted me parading in front of the media? You got it. I suggest you watch Mike’s show tonight. Should be on around six,” he ground out. “And when you do, just know I did it all for you, you sick son of a bitch.” He sliced the air with his hand and started pacing back and forth. “Shut up and listen, old man, because I’m saying this once. You and me are done. You can’t hurt any of us anymore, and you and your sorry ass are going to fade into the pit of hell where you belong or I will hunt you down… and kill you.”

He listened, but I couldn't tell what his dad was saying because Gabe's expression never changed. And then he cracked a smile. “You finished?” He waited a brief moment then nodded. “Good. Because those are the last words you will ever say to me, you money-hungry, piece-of-shit bastard.” He stabbed the end button on the phone and looked like he was about to throw it when Wes intervened and grabbed it out of his hands.

The silence was broken by Wes chuckling. “If ever there was a time when a person needed a drink — now’s that time.”

“Here, here.” Gabe’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, but when he looked at me, I could tell some of that weight was beginning to fall off.

I just hoped that by the time my surprise happened, he would be receptive and not angry that I’d overstepped my boundaries.

“Whiskey.” Wes pointed us toward the door. “It’s time for whiskey.”

If God meant for us to carry baggage around, he would have made our skin have little pouches like kangaroos. Or maybe he would have just made it so that each and every one of us were born with huge- ass shoulders to carry the load. Clearly, we weren’t made to carry the weight of the world, kinda makes you wonder why we do it anyway, huh? —Wes M.