Ким Карр - Torn

Biting her bottom lip then smiling a huge smile, she says, “I stopped by Jack’s office today and not only did I meet Zane Perry and hear his dad’s record, I got an internship with Tate Wyatt.”

River’s mouth drops open and excitement lights up his eyes. “Zeak Perry was in the studio today? Was he cutting a new album?”

Looks like I’m not the only one jealous that she got to watch Zeak. He’s a musical genius. His music just commands your attention.

Bell shrugs her shoulders. “I have no idea but his agent Damon Wolf was there, too.”

Everyone grows silent and River’s gaze darts to Xander in a manner so blatant I can’t help but notice. Then I see that Charlotte’s normally vibrantly glowing face has paled and she excuses herself. I don’t ask why right now but rather, I let it pass. I know Damon has a reputation for being a bit of a hothead agent so who knows whose path he’s crossed? His father is also the head of Sheep Industries, who actually own Sound Music. Hmmm . . . that must be who Aerie was talking about. Strange Damon’s interested in the magazine. Maybe he’s trying to settle down and get off the road. I know that after he proposed to Ivy Taylor she severely cut her performance schedule and actually hasn’t done anything in months. Her music career was on the fast track but she had put out only one album and really hadn’t marketed it. Which was a shame because she has the most unique style—I once dreamed of photographing her. I even had an idea worked up in my mind for an album design . . . she has the perfect face for it. We’ll see.

Bell puts her hands on her hips and pulls me from my fan-girl thoughts. “All I know is Jack signed him last week. Did you hear what I said about my job with Tate Wyatt?”

Xander seems distracted when he speaks—his voice is gruff and he avoids looking at anyone. “Who is Tate Wyatt?”

Bell sighs and throws herself back on the barstool. “Only the top event planner in LA. He has a waiting list a mile long.”

River looks at her skeptically. “I thought you worked for the band.”

“You guys are leaving soon and I’m not coming, so I need something to do and Jack had the connection.”

Xander chimes in sounding annoyed. “Just because we’re not here, doesn’t mean there isn’t work to do.”

Bell sticks her tongue out at him and says, “The internship is only twelve weeks unless I get a permanent position. Let’s worry about that if it happens.”

Xander rolls his eyes and Charlotte says, “Xander, this is a wonderful opportunity for your sister. You should be more supportive. If need be, I can help you.”

Xander nods at his mother, River snickers, and I smile at her, mouthing, “Congratulations.”

The door opens and Jack comes in from the backyard with a platter of steaks in hand. “Oh good, you guys made it just in time.” Motioning to the oversize refrigerator in the butler’s pantry he says, “River, grab yourself a beer and one for me, too, if you don’t mind.”

River obliges and we all sit down for dinner. I really love his family. I never had a big family so I marvel at their interactions as we eat our way through dinner. I haven’t been hungry and my stomach is in knots knowing that River and I still have to have the Ben conversation, but I do my best to eat and socialize.

River, on the other hand, hardly touches his food and his relaxed attitude from the beach is gone. He’s bad-tempered with Xander and even short with Bell. Honestly, he’s just moody all the way around during dinner.

Jack does most of the talking, but then again, he usually does. I actually love to hear him talk about his record label and what new albums are coming out. He tells us about a few smaller companies he has acquired and winks at River when he does, adding, “Whenever you’re ready to pick one up,” and then casually moves on. When he mentions that Denny Harris contacted him about the possibility of the D-Bags moving over to Tyler Records, I get a little excited. I love that band.

I nudge River and whisper, “Jack might actually sign Kellan Kyle. Did you hear him?”

River shakes his head and I swear I see the hint of a smirk, but, before he can comment, Bell chimes in, “Oh he’s my ex-boyfriend. That would be so cool.”

Everyone at the table laughs and looks at her.

“What?” Bell asks.

Xander being Xander just says it like it is. “Bell, just because you meet up with a guy once doesn’t mean he was ever your boyfriend.”

I’m surprised he uses the term meet up, but I guess he doesn’t want Charlotte yelling at him for swearing at the table.

Bell pouts her lips. “Shut up, Xander, you’re just jealous because I actually have friends.”

“Sure, friends Bell, that’s what they are.”

I really have to stifle my laughter when Bell sticks her tongue out at him. But I’m quickly reminded of River’s despondency when he doesn’t join in their banter like he usually does.

Charlotte clears her throat. “That’s enough.” It’s all she has to say and the conversation comes to an end.

We spend the rest of the night talking music, and, whenever the Wilde Ones’ tour is mentioned, River withdraws into himself even more. I can see Charlotte notice and I’m surprised she doesn’t say anything.

Once we’ve all helped clean up, River turns to me. “You ready to go?”

I nod my head and we say our goodbyes. Xander is right behind us as we leave and Bell has already run up to her room to get ready for a date with another “boyfriend.”

Once River closes my door, I hear Xander call him over. I watch the two brothers and they appear to be arguing. I’m not sure what’s driving River’s moodiness—reluctance over the impending tour, Ben’s return, or just simply exhaustion. I am determined that tonight we will finally sit down to talk and we can work through everything together.

High for This

When we finally pull in the driveway it’s after eleven and I’m so tired. We hardly talked on the short drive home—the only conversation we had was when I asked him why his family reacted strangely to Damon Wolf’s name and River told me Xander dated Ivy years ago. I didn’t ask any more questions because he seemed to close the door to that conversation quickly with his abrupt answer. He opens my door and quickly leads me to the stairs. I know it’s now or never, so I tug his hand in the opposite direction.

“What?” he asks.

“Let’s go sit outside, I think we should talk.”

Jaw clenched, he says, “You sure you want to do this now?”

Staring at him, I sigh, “River . . . I think we’ve avoided too many conversations in the last few days. So, yeah, I think we should do this now.” I know it probably isn’t the perfect time, especially since he just told me about his father, but even at dinner I could feel the strain between us and I don’t want it to continue. We can talk about anything and everything—so why can’t we talk about Ben?

He nods his head and leads me out the door to the lower pool deck. He pulls another chair over to where he sat last night and tries to avoid knocking over the beer bottles still there. We sit in silence for a long while, both of us facing the pool and the Hollywood sign. When I kick my shoes off, he does the same and catches my eye. I can see he’s unsure about how to proceed, so I just start the conversation by blurting out what’s on my mind. “We talked a little bit last night about this, and even though Grace asked you not to tell me who attacked me, I wish you did. It’s not that I don’t get why you didn’t—I just don’t like you keeping things from me. Actually, I really, really dislike it.”

He leans over with his head down and his hands behind his neck. When he looks up at me his eyes seem clouded with indecision. “Dahlia, it’s not just about keeping things from you. It’s more complicated than that.”

Starting to get angry, I try to control myself. “What do you mean? In what way? What’s complicated about not keeping things from me?”

He closes his eyes. “I didn’t see it as keeping anything from you. I intended to tell you. Just not right away. You don’t understand how I felt.”

Through clenched teeth, I respond, “What do you mean how you felt? You haven’t told me how you felt or anything else so how about you start with that?”

He cringes and sits back up. “Grace’s phone call that morning was a shock. I was never expecting that. But the guilt I felt for not going running with you, the sick feeling I got when they wouldn’t let me see you in the hospital, and then the regret that overwhelmed me when I finally saw you and you were lying there in the hospital bed, it was all just too much. The last thing I wanted to do was explain who had done that to you. I knew all it would do was open an old wound and cause you more pain and you were hurt enough.”

My anger fades in the face of his loving confession. He was trying to protect me in the only way he knew how, and, after hearing about his father, I understand his actions so much better. He’s rubbing his palms over his jeans with his eyes focused on me. I have to let him know I get it, that I understand. So I scoot my chair as close to his as I can and taking his hand in mine, I kiss it, then place it over my heart. No words can express my feelings right now. My head drops as I think about the amount of love I have for this man. And for me to be so upset over him not telling me, when he thought it was the right thing to do, it doesn’t seem right anymore. I don’t want to argue with him or cause him pain so I have to let this go.

He lifts my chin. “Hey, I didn’t tell you that to make you sad. I just want you to understand it wasn’t a simple decision. It’s not like I consciously made a choice. I just felt in my heart that Grace was right. A couple of days for you to heal before telling you the news wouldn’t matter either way. So although I’m sorry you got upset, I’m not sorry I didn’t tell you right away. I did what I thought was best for you. I’ll always do what I think is best for you.”