Monica Murphy - Torn

Marina

I HAVE ABSOLUTELY no idea what he’s talking about. I’m not the secret-keeper in this relationship. He is.

And boy is his secret a doozy, one that’s going to change my life forever.

He acts like it’s no big deal.

“Stop playing games,” I murmur, letting my anger fuel me. He’s propped against my desk, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his biceps straining against his long-sleeved shirt, but I ignore the way my body responds to his. He always makes me feel this way. Hungry, desperate, needy. All for him.

I’m too mad. Angry sex with Gage is amazing—we’ve indulged a few times because we’re sort of sick and twisted like that—but not like this. Not with this sort of horrible betrayal.

He’s taken it too far.

“I saw what you keep on your computer.” He waves his hand toward the monitor. “I had no idea we made a porn video, Marina. Wish you would’ve told me. Do you plan on selling it now that you know what a jerk I really am? Distributing it online so it can make the rounds? Maybe earn a few million hits on YouTube?”

Gasping, I round the desk, staring at the screen where the video is paused. There we are in black and white. I can see my naked legs wrapped around him, his body hovering over mine, my arms around his neck. I minimize the screen, glancing up to find him studying me, his expression downright deadly.

“Why do you have that on your computer?” he asks, his voice scary quiet. “It makes no sense for you to keep it this long. Unless you did it on purpose so you could use it against me.”

I’m in complete shock. Does he really think that low of me? What sort of women did he date in his past? “I . . . the morning after the encounter in the kitchen, kids smashed the pumpkins we had around the front door.” I’m going to tell him the entire story, even if it kills me. “So I checked the videos from the night before and saw the kids but couldn’t identify them.”

“Okay,” he says slowly, probably wondering why I’m telling him all this.

But there is a point to my story. “Then I clicked through, checking out all the cameras we have and I saw this. Us.” Closing my eyes, I breathe deep, searching for strength. I can’t believe I’m the one who has to explain myself when he’s the one who kept the worst secret ever. I open my eyes and continue. “I—liked watching it. I was so confused after what happened between us. How could I hate someone and want him, all at the same time? You drove me crazy. Keeping this video was my way of . . . holding on to something that has sentimental value, you know?”

“A video of us fucking in your kitchen has sentimental value?” He laughs and shakes his head. “That’s just great.”

“I refuse to let you make me feel guilty. I had it up on my computer because I was going to delete it.” I don’t know why I held onto it so long. Earlier I’d brought it back up, ready to delete when my mom called. I pushed away from my computer, talked to her a bit, felt the headache come on, and then left, forgetting all about it. “I realized it probably wasn’t smart, having a video of us. What if it fell into the wrong hands?”

“No shit. Not one of your most brilliant moves, Marina.” He snorts, shaking his head.

Ah, there’s the old Gage. The one I want to slap across the face for saying such shitty, hurtful things. I stand, slapping my hands against the edge of the desk. “Don’t try and make this all about what I’ve done to you. It’s minor compared to what you’ve done and you know it. You’re the one who bought out my dad and Molina Corp. Why didn’t you tell me? How long were you going to wait? I deserved to know, Gage.”

He glares at me, his green eyes cold. Hard. “You really think I would purposely keep this from you so I could hurt you, Marina? After everything we’ve gone through, everything we’ve experienced this last month? You don’t know me at all, do you?”

I shrug, trying to blow it off. I have no idea what’s real and what’s not anymore. I don’t care how gutted he sounds. As hard as it is for me to realize, I don’t think I can trust him. “I don’t know. It’s only been a month. What could I expect from you?”

It’s Gage’s turn to rush me, coming round the desk so he’s standing in front of me, his hands clasping my upper arms, shaking me as if he can knock some sense into me. “I’m in love with you, damn it. I wanted to show you how I felt by giving you the goddamn deed to this place. I was going to give it to you as a surprise and Ivy was going to redecorate the café. I was putting together an advertising plan and everything. Anything you wanted for this place, I would’ve given you.”

I gape at him, shock rendering me completely still. He was going to give me the deed? As a gift? And have his sister redecorate the café? I can’t . . . oh my God. I’m such a jerk. “Why didn’t you tell me though? You should’ve. My mom took great pleasure in being the first one to deliver the news.”

I’m still so angry at him. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel the same way about him again. His words alone nearly destroyed me.

Now that I know he planned all of this? I don’t know what to think. What to do.

How to react.

“Yeah, I know. I fucked up. Archer said I should tell you. So did Ivy. But I wanted it to be a surprise. It was a risky move, and look. I really ruined it now.” He laughs, sounding borderline hysterical, and I want to go to him. Comfort him. Tell him everything’s going to be okay.

But I can’t. It still feels like a betrayal, just like me keeping the video of our first sexual encounter feels like a betrayal to him.

Now he talks about his plans in the past tense. Like I ruined my chances to be with him. Work with him.

Love him.

“You’re mad at me, aren’t you.” It’s not a question. He sounds so defeated, my heart is breaking for him. For me. My anger is slowly evaporating, turning more on my mother, which I know is pointless. She’s my mom. I won’t be angry with her forever.

Gage hangs his head, closing his eyes as he breathes deep. “I’m so sorry, Marina. I shouldn’t have done it like this. I made a mistake. I know you can’t trust me, but now I’m starting to wonder if I can’t trust you either.”

“Do you mean because of the video?” I ask him, my voice barely above a whisper. I can’t believe it. He’s that mad about the video?

“Yeah.” He nods, opening his eyes to stare at me. “You should’ve told me.”

“Right back at you,” I automatically say.

We stand in front of each other, the both of us silent, as if we’re waiting for the other to say something. Anything.

But neither of us do.

Finally he turns and leaves without another word. Just strides out of my office like I never existed and walks right out of my life.

Only after he’s gone do I collapse into my chair, resting my head on my desk as I sob into the pile of overdue invoices that still haunt me.

Gage

“YOU’RE STILL GOING through with it.” Archer sounds incredulous.

“I am,” I mutter, watching the company I hired repaint the café walls. “She’s given up on this place, but I won’t.”

Two weeks after our big blowup, she hung the closed sign in the door and shut down Autumn Harvest for good. I was stunned. Marina’s no quitter. I have no idea what’s come over her, and since she refuses to see me, I guess I’ll never find out.

Luckily enough she still talks to Ivy, who keeps me fully informed. She says Marina’s considering going back to school so she can get her master’s degree. But this time, she’d like to travel elsewhere. Maybe go to an East Coast school. Start over with a fresh new life. I know what she’s really referring to. She’d rather start over.

Without me.

I’ve taken over the business completely. Hell, I own it, so I can do whatever I want to it, right? I had new appliances installed, including a new oven, and I consulted Gina as to which I should purchase.

When I got off the phone with her, she called me Smart Boy—and in the same breath, a total dumbass. I’d reached both the pinnacle of approval and the absolute bottom of disappointment, all at once with Aunt Gina.

“It’s going to look pretty damn amazing,” Archer says, glancing around the room, which is still under a massive construction overhaul. “Ivy’s been keeping me posted.”

“How’s she feeling?” We’re both a pair of overprotective males watching out for her and I know she hates it. Yet she likes it too, all at the same time.

“Feeling a little better, not so queasy. The morning sickness is what’s taking her down so hard. Plus she’s so tired.”

“I know. She tried to get me to let her come for this, but I told her no way. I didn’t want her inhaling the fumes,” I say.

“Good call.” Archer exhales loudly before he turns to me. “Have you spoken to her?”

“Who? Ivy?”

“No, jackass. Marina. When was the last time you talked to her?”

“Not since we split.” I shrug, acting like it’s no big deal, but not having her as a part of my life feels like I’m missing a piece of me.

I fucking hate it.

“Seriously? And I thought I was stubborn.” He shakes his head, looking ready to launch into a big ol’ speech, and I brace myself. “Look, you need to go to her and tell her you’re sorry. Ivy goes and sees her all the time and she says she’s miserable.”

“She never tells me that. Ivy acts like Marina’s just fine.”

“Yeah well, I think she’s trying to spare your feelings or worry or whatever. She’s not fine. She’s a wreck and plans on leaving to go to college across the country so she can escape her mother. She misses you. Not that you’re supposed to know that.” Archer points at me.