Yeah. I really need one. It’s the first thing on my list of what I need to function when I’m on my own. “I was hoping I could borrow Colin’s car.”

Fable bursts out laughing, the wench. “Yeah, right. He doesn’t want you to leave and you really think he’s going to let you drive his fancy-schmancy car alone to Sacramento? You gotta be kidding.”

“I have my license. I know how to drive a freaking car,” I say grumpily, stacking up the one-dollar bills. Tonight was good, the tips were plentiful, and I’m thankful for every dollar I count.

I need all of them, since I’m going to be living on my own and paying all the bills that come with independent living.

“In the big city? Come on, small-town girl. You’ll probably freak with all the traffic. And isn’t that car of Colin’s his precious baby?”

For a person who tried her hardest to plan this move thoroughly, I’m looking like a complete idiot right about now. “Fine, you can drive me.”

“I work that day. I already checked the schedule.” Fable shrugs. “And I don’t own the truck, Drew does. We only have one vehicle and if I’m not using it to run Owen over to practice, Drew’s driving to his practice or dropping me off at work or going to school or . . . whatever.”

Crap. I’d love to do this by myself. I don’t want to be dependent on someone else. I wish I could rent a car but I don’t have a credit card and there’s all these rules about using your debit card and have to have a certain amount in the bank account. It’s too complicated and not like I always have extra money floating around in my account. I’m saving to get out of here, not blow it all on a rental car. “I wonder if anyone else would take me . . .”

“Seriously? I thought you had this all planned out.” Fable turns to look at me, her expression incredulous, and I immediately feel about two inches tall.

“I never thought about a car and that’s such a huge expense . . .” My voice drifts and I’m overcome with embarrassment. I’d been living in my car when Colin found me, but it took a total dump right after I moved in with him. He helped me sell it for parts and I made a whoppin’ two hundred bucks.

What the hell was I thinking, giving Colin my notice so soon? I mean, I know what I was thinking. He’d pissed me off so bad that I blurted out I wanted to quit, which I’d been planning to do all along but with at least a little more finesse . . .

God, I really screwed it up. To come to him now and say, “Hey, give me a few more months, I need a better plan” would be way too humiliating.

But how am I really going to make it on my own?

“Hell yeah, it’s a huge expense. You spent money on a tattoo yet you didn’t think of saving money for a car? I don’t get it.” Fable shakes her head, her disapproval ringing clear.

I reach for my neck, rubbing at my mostly healed tattoo. She’s making me feel like a complete failure at life. And all of her criticism is also making me quietly furious. Since when does Fable have the right to judge me? “We make our own choices, you know? Not all of us know how to take care of ourselves perfectly.” Like you supposedly do, I wanted to say.

But those last four words are certainly implied. By the shocked look on Fable’s face, she knows it, too.

“I never said I know how to do things perfectly,” she says defensively.

“You don’t have to.” I toss my money for the hostess and busboy that were on duty tonight into the center of the table and stand, ready to get the hell out of there.

“Jen, wait,” Fable calls, but I ignore her. She’s got her shit together, has her perfectly gorgeous boyfriend/fiancé, a decent job, and a brother who’s on the right track. Yeah, so her mom sucks and her dad is invisible. Yeah, so Drew has his problems, but come on. He’s a star football player probably on his way to the NFL, he’s loaded, and he’s madly in love with her.

I’m alone, living with a man who won’t admit there might be something between us. Or worse, he feels absolutely nothing for me and this thing I think is happening is totally one-sided. Oh, he lusts for me. I know that. But there’s nothing else.

Nothing. Else.

Now I’m stuck having to leave when I’m not close to being prepared. What if I don’t find a job? What the hell am I doing?

Whose fault is this anyway, you moron? That’s right—go look in a mirror and check out your reflection.

I exit the restaurant through the back door, ending up in the alley. No one’s out there and I plop down on an old chair, tilting my head back with a low sigh so I can check out the brilliant night sky.

Colin will be waiting for me either in his office or out front. Everyone else will leave through the main doors as well. I can find a few minutes of peace by myself.

Or mull over my absolute failures in life at the mere age of twenty-two. Could I be any stupider? It’s one thing to dance and strip on a stage for a living. Letting men stuff dollar bills down my G-string, trying to cop a feel—it was horrible, but I did it for the money. Lots of women do.

Then I got desperate. Moving in with a fellow dancer was my first mistake. She associated with unsavory people who stole all my money. Next thing I knew, I was meeting guys in the backseat of their cars and taking cash for making them come with my hand. Or my mouth.

I never took it any farther than that. I might have, though, if it had gone on longer. I don’t know. I was desperate. Scared. Colin came along at the right time and saved me.

I owe him everything. Yet I’m leaving him without an explanation. It’s bad enough that he watched me strip. Worse that he caught me in a car with a guy, though nothing had happened. That’s a moment we don’t talk about.

Letting my head fall back farther, I slump in the chair, thunking my skull against the wood once. Then I do it again. Maybe I can knock some sense into my stupid brain if I keep it up. Maybe I could work up the courage to actually talk to Colin again rather than avoid the real issues.

“Are you trying to hurt yourself?”

Great. I close my eyes. If I can’t see him, then maybe he’s not really there, right? “Go away.”

He ignores my demand. “I’ve been looking for you.” Of course he has. He’s always looking for me. Then he never does anything once he has me. I’m the brave one all of a sudden, which blows my mind.

His voice is the stuff of dreams. Deep and melodic, full of promise even when he says something completely benign, like “Have a nice day.” Girls fall all over themselves to hear him utter those words. Any words.

“Maybe I don’t want to be found.” As in, catch a clue as to why I’m back here when no one else is.

“Fable’s worried that you’re mad at her.”

I’m so tempted to open my eyes at that remark, but I squeeze them closed. “She has reason to worry because she’s right. I’m totally mad at her.”

“Why?” He sounds shocked. After all, we’ve been great friends pretty much from the moment we met. People think we’re cute together, how in looks we are total opposites. I’m tall. She’s short. She’s blond. My hair is dark brown. We look sorta funny together and everyone eats it up, which is silly. This isn’t a sitcom. This is our life.

And right now, my life and everyone in it is irritating the crap out of me.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I mutter. I’m sure that’s the last thing Colin wants to hear, but too bad. I’m not in the mood to share all my secrets with him. He’s always so damn close-lipped, so right back at him, you know?

“Well, I’m about to lock up.” He lets it go, which I appreciate. And it also drives me crazy. He would push, try and get more out of me, if he really cared. Right? “Everyone’s left.” He pauses and I wonder if he feels as wound up, as unsure, as I do. “You ready to go?”

I want to say no, but that’s so stupid. He’s my ride home. We live together. How else am I going to get to the house? Walk in the middle of the night? His neighborhood is pretty far from downtown and it would take forever to get there. Besides, who knows what sort of creeps I could encounter? In the middle of the night, the downtown area is crawling with them.

Not bothering with an answer, I stand and walk past Colin, going through the still open back door. He follows behind me without a word, his silence making me edgy so I decide to offer him the same treatment. Usually I’m the one who feels the need to fill the quiet. I’d rather talk about nothing than endure even a minute of uncomfortable silence.

Tonight, I’m too weary for even that.


Colin

She climbs into my BMW, the car I indulged in as my reward after I opened The District. It’s a sweet ride, but I rarely use it beyond the drive-to-work, drive-home route. How fucking boring am I?

Her scent fills the interior, sweet and sultry and so uniquely Jen, my entire body reacts the moment she’s inside. Her shoulder brushes mine as she locks in the seat belt, her hair snagging on my shirt for the briefest moment before she settles into her seat.

It’s the same ritual every day. I breathe deep when we’re on our way to work. And I breathe deep when we’re on our way home. Trying to calm my nerves, tell myself I don’t really want her.

More than anything, I’m trying to inhale her. As if I could lock in her scent and never, ever let it—or her—go.

I’m going to miss this. Miss her. For once I was brave, asking her to open up to me. There was a motive behind my request. I saw her earlier. The customer telling her he knew her from Gold Diggers, the pure panic that washed over her pretty face. I wish she’d told me about that. I should have pushed harder for the real answer when I asked what was wrong.