It's bad enough having to discuss it in front of my bodyguard. If I had to discuss it in front of this person I've been worshipping for half my life, I think I'd probably go completely borderline personality disorder)

Anyway, so Lilly went, 'I categorically refuse to believe Kenny would do something like that.'

'Lilly,' I said. I had to keep my voice down so the driver wouldn't hear, up in the front seat. 'I am dead serious. He told me he loves me. I love you. That is what he said. It was completely random and weird.'

'He probably didn't say that. He probably said something else and you misunderstood him.'

'Oh, what? I glove you?'

'Well, of course not,' Lilly said. 'That doesn't even make any sense.'

'Well, then what? What could Kenny have said that sounded like I love you, but wasn't I love you?'

Lilly got mad then. She went, 'You know, you have been acting weird about Kenny for the past month. Since the two of you started going out, practically. I don't know what's wrong with you. All I ever heard before was "Why don't I have a boyfriend? How come everybody I know has a boyfriend but me? When am I going to get a boyfriend?" but now you've got one, you aren't the least bit appreciative of him.'

Even though what she was saying was true, I acted offended because I have been trying really hard not to let the fact that I

am not in love with Kenny show.

'That is so false,' I said. 'I completely appreciate Kenny.'

'Oh, yeah? I think the truth of the matter is, you, Mia, simply aren't ready to have a boyfriend.'

Boy did I see red after that remark.

'Me? Not ready to have a boyfriend? Are you kidding? I've been waiting my whole life to have a boyfriend!'

'Well, if that's true' — Lilly was looking very superior — 'why won't you let him kiss you on the lips?'

'Where did you hear that?' I demanded.

'Kenny told Boris, of course, who told me.'

'Oh, great,' I said, trying to remain calm. 'So now our boyfriends are talking about us behind our backs. And you're

condoning this?'

'Of course not,' Lilly said. 'But I do find it intriguing, from a psychological point of view.'

This is the problem with being best friends with someone whose parents, are psychiatrists. Everything you do is interesting to them from a psychological point of view.

'Where I let anybody kiss me,' I exploded, 'is my business! Not yours, and not Boris's, either.'

'Well,' Lilly said. 'I'm just saying, if Kenny did say what you say he said - you know, the L word - then maybe he said it because he can't express the depths of his feelings any other way. You know. Other than verbally. Since you won't let him, physically.'

So I suppose that, technically, I should be thankful that Kenny chose merely to say the words 'I love you', rather than enacting them physically, which, God knows, might have actually have involved his tongue.

Oh, God, I don't even want to think about it any more.





Monday, December 7, Still Homeroom


They just passed out the Final Exam schedules. Here is mine:



FINAL EXAM SCHEDULE


December 14 - Reading Day


December 15 — Periods One and Two


For me, that means the Algebra and English finals will be on the same day. But that's OK. I'm doing pretty good in English. Well, except for that sentence diagramming thing. As if I'll ever need to do that in my future role as princess of the smallest nation in Europe.

Algebra, unfortunately, I am told I will probably need to know. DAMN!



December 16 - Periods Three and Four

World Civic. easy. I mean, Grandmere has told me enough stories about post-World War Two Europe for me to pass any test. I probably know more about it than the teacher. And PE? How can you give a Final in PE? We already had the Presidential Fitness Test (I passed everything but chin-ups).



December 17 - Periods Five, Six, and Seven

Gifted and Talented? No exam there. They don't give finals in classes that are basically study hall. That will be a snap. I have French seventh period. I do OK in oral, not so great in written. Fortunately Tina's in the same class. Maybe we can study together.

But I have Bio. sixth period. That won't be so easy. The only reason I'm not flunking Bio. is because of Kenny. He slips me most of the answers.

And if I break up with him, that will be the end of that.

December 18 - Non-Denominational Winter Carnival and Dance


The Winter Carnival should be fun. All the different school clubs and stuff are going to have booths, with traditional winter

fare, like hot cider. This will be followed in the evening by the dance I am supposed to go to with Kenny. If he ever asks me

to it, I mean.

Unless, of course, I do the right thing and break up with him.

In which case, I won't be able to go at all, because you can't go without a date.

I wish Sebastiano would just hurry up and kill me already.







Monday, December 7, Algebra



WHY???? WHY can't I ever remember my Algebra notebook?????

FIRST - Evaluate exponents

SECOND - Multiply and divide in order left to right

THIRD - Perform addition and subtraction in order left to right

EXAMPLE: 2x3-15/5=6-3=3



Oh, God. Lana Weinberger just tossed me a note.

What now? This can't be good. Lana's had it in for me for ever. Don't ask me why. I mean, I could kind of understand her resenting me for when Josh Richter asked me to the Cultural Diversity Dance instead of her. But he only asked me because

of the princess thing - and they got back together right after. Besides, Lana hated me long before that.

When I open the note, guess what it says:

I heard what happened to you at the skating rink this weekend. Guess the BF is going to have to wait a little longer

if he wants to see any tongue action, huh?

Oh my God. Does everyone in the entire school know that Kenny and I have not yet French kissed?

It is all Kenny's fault, of course.

What next? The cover of the Post?

I'm telling you, if our parents knew what actually goes on every day in the typical American high school, they would totally opt for home-schooling.





Monday, December 7, World Civ.



It is clear what I have to do.

I've always known it, of course, and if it hadn't been for, you know, the dance, I would have done it long before now.

But it is clear now that I cannot afford to wait until after the dance. I should have done it last night when he called, but you

can't really do something like that over the phone. Well, I mean, a girl like Lana Weinberger probably could, but not me.

No, I don't think I can put it off another day: I have got to break up with Kenny. I simply cannot continue living this lie.

Fortunately, I do have the support of at least one person in this plan: Tina Hakim Baba.

I didn't want to tell her. I didn't plan on telling anybody. But it all sort of slipped out today in the Girls' Room between third

and fourth periods while Tina was putting on her eye make-up. Her dad won't let her wear make-up, you see, so Tina has to wait until she gets to school to put it on. She has a deal with her bodyguard, Wahim (Tina has a bodyguard too, just like me, but not because she's a princess, it's because her dad is a rich oil sheik and he is paranoid someone is going to kidnap her and hold her for ransom). The deal is that Tina won't tell her parents how much Wahim flirts with Mademoiselle Klein, our French teacher, if Wahim doesn't tell Mr. and Mrs. Hakim Baba about Tina's Maybelline addiction.

Anyway, all of a sudden I just couldn't take it any more, and I ended up telling Tina what Kenny said last night on the phone—

And a lot more than that actually.

But first the part about Kenny's phone call.

Unlike Lilly, Tina believed me.

But Tina also had the totally wrong reaction. She thought it was great.

'Oh my God, Mia, you are so lucky,' she kept saying. 'I wish Dave would tell me he loves me! I mean, I know he is fully committed to our relationship, but his idea of romance is paying to have my fries super-sized at Mickey D's.'

This was so not the kind of support I was looking for.

'But, Tina,' I said. I felt Tina, with her extensive romance reading, would understand. 'The thing is, I don't love him.'

Tina widened her mascaraed eyes at me. 'You don't?'

'No,' I said, miserably. 'I mean, I really like him, as a friend. But I'm not in love or anything. Not with him.'

'Oh, God,' Tina said, reaching out and grabbing my wrist. 'There's someone else, isn't there?'

We only had a few minutes before the bell rang. We both had to get to class.

And yet, for some reason, I chose this moment to make my big confession. I don't know why. It's just that I can't stop thinking about what my dad said. You know, about showing the guy I like how I feel. Tina, I felt, was the only person I knew who would know how to help me do that.

So I went, 'Yes.'

Tina nearly spilled her cosmetic bag, she was so excited.

'I knew it!' she yelled. 'I knew there was a reason you wouldn't let him kiss you!'

My jaw dropped. 'You know about that too?'

'Well.' Tina shrugged. 'Kenny told Dave, who told me.'

Jeez! What's that Oprah's always complaining about -about how men aren't in touch with their emotions and don't share enough? It sounds to me like Kenny's been doing enough sharing recently to make up for several centuries worth of masculine reticence.