Your Secret Snowflake,

                                                   Boris Pelkowski



Boris Pelkowski. Boris is the one who has been leaving those roses. Boris is my Secret Snowflake.

Of course, Boris wouldn't know that a yellow rose represents love everlasting. Boris doesn't even know not to tuck his

sweater into his trousers. How would he know the secret language of flowers?

I don't know which was actually stronger, my feeling of relief that it wasn't Justin Baxendale leaving those roses after all ...

... or my feeling of disappointment that it wasn't Michael.

Then Michael went, 'Well? What's the verdict?'

To which I responded by staring at him blankly. I still hadn't quite gotten over it. You know, those brief few seconds when

I'd thought - I'd actually thought, fool that I am - that he loved me.

'What did you get in Algebra?' he asked slowly, as if I were dense.

Which, of course, I am. So dense that I never realized how much in love with Michael Moscovitz I was until Judith Gershner came along and swept him right out from under my nose.

Anyway, I opened the computer printout containing my grades, and would you believe that I had raised my F in Algebra all

the way up to a B minus?

Which just goes to show that if you spend nearly every waking moment in your life studying something, the likelihood is that

you are going to retain at least a little of it.

Enough to get a B minus on the Final, anyway.

I'm trying really hard not to gloat, but it's difficult. I mean, I'm so happy.

Well, except for the whole not-having-a-date-to-the-dance thing.

Still, it's hard to be unhappy. There is absolutely no way I got this grade because the teacher happens to be my stepfather. There's nothing subjective about Algebra, like in English. There's no interpretation of the facts. Either you're right or you're not.

And I was right. Eighty per cent of the time.

Of course, it helped that I knew the answer to the Final's extra credit question: What instrument did Ringo, in the Beatles, play?

But that was only worth two points.

Anyway, here's the part where I got into trouble. Even though, of course, it isn't my fault.

I was so happy about my B minus, I completely forgot for a minute how much I am in love with Michael. I even forgot, for a change, to be shy around him. Instead, I did something really unlike me.

I threw my arms around him.

Seriously. Threw my arms right around his neck and went, 'Wheeeeeee!!!!!'

I couldn't help it. I was so happy. OK, the whole rose thing had been a little bit of a bummer, but the B minus made up for it. Well, almost.

It was just an innocent hug. That's all it was. Michael had, after all, tutored me almost the whole semester. He had some stake in that B minus too.

But I guess Kenny, who Tina now tells me came around the corner right as I was doing it - hugging Michael, I mean - doesn't see it that way. According to Tina, Kenny thinks there's something going on between Michael and me.

To which, of course, I can only say, I WISH!

But I can't say that. I have to go find Kenny now and let him know, you know, it was just a friendly hug.

Tina's all, 'Why? Why don't you tell him the truth? That you don't feel the same way about him that he feels about you. This is your big chance!'

But you can't break up with someone during the Winter Carnival. I mean, really. How mean.

Why must my life be so fraught with trauma?




Friday, December 18, Still the Winter Carnival

Well, I still haven't found Kenny, but I really have to hand it to the administrators: grasping they might be, but they sure do know how to throw a party. Even Lilly is impressed.

Of course, signs of corporatization are everywhere: there are McDonald's orange drink dispensers on every floor, and it

looks as if there was a run on Entenmann's, there are so many cake-and-cookie-laden tables scattered around.

Still, you can tell they are really trying to show us a good time. All of the clubs are offering activities and booths. There's ballroom dancing in the gym, courtesy of the Dance Club; fencing lessons in the auditorium, thanks to the Drama Club; even cheerleading lessons in the first-floor hallway, brought to us by, you guessed it, the junior varsity cheerleaders.

I couldn't find Kenny anywhere, but I ran into Lilly at the Students for Amnesty International booth (Students Against the Corporatization of Albert Einstein High School did not submit their application for a booth in time to get one, so Lilly is stuck running the Amnesty International booth instead). And guess what? Guess who got an F in something?

That's right.

'Lilly.' I couldn't believe it. 'Mrs. Spears gave you an F in English? YOU got an F?'

She doesn't seem too bothered by it, though.

'I had to take a stand, Mia,' she said. And sometimes, when you believe in something, you have to make sacrifices.'

'Sure,' I said. 'But an F? Your parents are going to kill you.'

'No, they won't,' Lilly said. 'They'll just try to psychoanalyse me.'

Which is true.

Oh, God. Here conies Tina.

I hope she doesn't remember—

She does.

We're going over to the Computer Club's booth right now.

I don't want to go to the Computer Club's booth. I already looked over there, and I know what's going on. Michael and Judith and the rest of the computer nerds are sitting behind all these colour monitors. When somebody comes up, they get to sit down in front of one of monitors and play a computer game the club designed where you walk through the school and all of the teachers are in funny costumes. Like Principal Gupta is wearing a leather domi-natrix's outfit and holding a whip, and Mr Gianini is in footie pyjamas with a teddy bear that looks exactly like him.

They used a different program when the club applied to be part of the carnival, of course, so none of the teachers or administrators know what everyone is sitting there looking at. You would think they'd wonder why all of the kids are laughing so hard.

Whatever. I don't want to do it. I don't want to go anywhere near it.

But Tina says I have to.

'Now's the perfect time to tell him,' she says. 'I mean, Kenny's nowhere to be seen.'

Oh, God. This is what comes from telling your friends anything.






Even Later on Friday, December 18, Still the Winter Carnival


Well, I'm in the Girls' Room again. And I think I can state with certainty that this time I'm never coming out.

I'm just going to stay in here until everyone has gone home. Only then will it be safe. Thank God I am leaving the country tomorrow. Maybe by the time I get back, everyone involved in this little incident will have forgotten about it.

But I doubt it. Not with my luck, anyway.

Why do these kinds of things always happen to me? I mean, seriously? What did I ever do to turn the gods against me?

Why can't they pick on Lana Weinberger? Why always me?

All right, so here's what happened.

I had no intention whatsoever of actually telling Michael anything. I mean, let me get that out right away. I was only going along with Tina because, well, it would have looked weird if I had completely avoided the Computer Club's booth. Plus Michael had asked me so many times to make sure I stopped by. So there was no way I could avoid it.

But I never intended to say a word about You-Know-What. I mean, Tina was just going to have to learn to live with disappointment. You don't love somebody for like as long as I have loved Michael, and then just go up to him at a school fair and be like, 'Oh, by the way, yeah, I love you.'

OK? You don't do that.

But whatever. So I went up to the stupid booth with Tina. Everyone was all giggly and excited because their program was so popular there was this really long line. But Michael saw us and went, 'Come on up!'

Like we were supposed to cut in front of all these other people. I mean, we did it, of course, but everyone behind us grumbled, and who can blame them? They'd been waiting a long time.

But I guess because of the thing the night before you know, when I explained on national television that the only reason I'd done that clothing ad was because the designer was donating all the proceeds to Greenpeace - I have been noticeably more popular (positive comments so far: 243. Negative: 1. From Lana, of course). So the grumbling wasn't as bad as it could have been.

Anyway, Michael was all, 'Here, Mia, sit at this one.' And he pulled out a chair in front of this one monitor.

So I sat down and waited for the stupid thing to come on, and all around me other kids were laughing at what they were seeing on their screens. I just sat there thinking, for some reason, Faint heart never won fair lady.

Which was stupid because, number one, I was NOT going to tell him I like him and, number two, Michael is dark-haired, not fair. And he isn't a lady either, obviously.

Then I heard Judith go, 'Wait, what are you doing?'

And then I heard Michael say, 'No, that's OK. I have a special one for her.'

Then the screen in front of my eyes flickered. I sighed. OK, I thought. Here goes the stupid teacher thing. Be sure to laugh so they think you like it.

I was sitting there, and I was actually kind of depressed because I really didn't have anything to look forward to, if you think about it. I mean, everybody else was all excited because later on they were going to the dance, but no one had asked me to the dance — not even my supposed boyfriend - so I didn't even have that to look forward to. And everyone else I knew was going skiing or to the Bahamas or wherever for Winter Break, and what did I get to do? Oh, hang out with a bunch of members of the Genovian Olive Growers Association. I'm sure they are all really nice people, but come on.