How does he do that? How is it that he is able to magically put into words exactly what I feel but seem to have so much

trouble saying? This, you see, is why I love him. I mean, how could I not?

'Yeah,' I said triumphantly, to Lilly.

'Well, you could have said something back to him.' Lilly always gets disgruntled when Michael comes to my rescue especially when he does it while she is attacking me about the lack of honesty in my emotional life. 'Instead of just leaving him hanging there.'

'And what,' I demanded - injudiciously, I now realize -'should I have said to him?'

'How about,' Lilly said, 'that you love him back?'

WHY? That's all I want to know. WHY was I cursed with a best friend who doesn't understand that there are some things you just don't say in front of EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE GIFTED AND TALENTED CLASSROOM, INCLUDING HER BROTHER????

The problem is, Lilly has never been embarrassed about anything in her life. She simply does not know the meaning of the

word embarrassment.

'Look,' I said, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. I couldn't lie, of course. How could I lie, considering what I now know about my nostrils? OK, Lilly hadn't figured it out yet, but it was only a matter of time.

'I really and truly value Kenny's companionship,' I said carefully. 'But love. I mean, love. That is a very big thing. I'm not, I mean, I don't. . . '

I dribbled off pathetically, acutely aware that everyone in the room, but most especially Michael, was listening.

'I see,' Lilly said, narrowing her eyes. 'Fear of commitment.'

'I do not fear commitment,' I insisted. 'I just—'

But Lilly's dark eyes were already shining in eager anticipation. She was getting ready to psychoanalyze me - one of her favourite hobbies, unfortunately.

'Let's examine the situation, shall we?' she said. 'I mean, here you've got this guy going around the hallways screaming about how much he loves you, and you just stare at him like a rat caught in the path of the D train. What do you suppose that means?'

'Have you ever considered,' I demanded, 'that maybe the reason I didn't tell him I love him back is because I—'

I almost said it. Really. I did. I almost said that I don't love Kenny.

But I couldn't. Because if I'd said that, somehow it would have gotten back to Kenny and that would be even worse than my breaking up with him. I couldn't do it.

So all I said instead was, 'Lilly, you know perfectly well I do not fear commitment. I mean, there are lots boys I—'

'Oh, yeah?' Lilly seemed to be enjoying herself way more than usual. It was almost as if she was playing to an audience.

Which, of course, she was. The audience of her brother and his girlfriend. 'Name one.'

'One what?'

'Name a boy that you could see yourself committing to for all eternity.'

'What do you want - a list?' I asked her.

'A list would be nice,' Lilly said.

So I drew up the following list:



Guys Mia Thermopolis Could See Herself Committing To for All Eternity

1. Wolverine of the X-men.

2. That Gladiator guy.

3. Will Smith.

4. Tarzan from the Disney cartoon.

5. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast.

6. That hot soldier guy from Mulan.

7. The guy Brendan Fraser played in The Mummy.

8. Angel.

9. Tom on Daria.

10. Justin Baxendale.



But this list turned out to be no good, because Lilly totally took it and analyzed it, and it works out that half the guys on it are actually cartoon characters; one is a vampire, and one is a mutant who can make spikes shoot out of his knuckles.

In fact, except for Will Smith and Justin Baxendale - the good-looking senior who just transferred from Trinity and who a lot

of girls at Albert Einstein High School are already in love with — all the guys I listed are fictional creations. Apparently, the

fact that I could list no guy I had a hope of actually getting together with - or who even lives in the third dimension — is indicative of something.

Not, of course, indicative of the fact that the guy I like was actually in the room at the time, sitting next to his new girlfriend,

and so I couldn't list him.

Oh, no. Nobody thought of that.

No, the lack of actual attainable men on my list was apparently indicative of my unrealistic expectations where men are concerned, and further proof of my inability to commit.

Lilly says if I don't lower my expectations somewhat I am destined for an unsatisfactory love life.

As if the way things have been going, I've ever expected anything else.

Kenny just tossed me this note:


Mia -I'm sorry about what happened today in the hattway. I understand now that I embarrassed you. Sometimes 1 forget that even though you are a princess, you are still quite introverted. 1 promise never to do anything of the sort again. Can 1 make it up to you by taking you to lunch at 'Big Wong on Thursday? - Kenny



I said yes, of course. Not just because I really like Big Wong's steamed vegetable dumplings, or even because I don't want people thinking I fear commitment. I didn't even say yes because I suspect that, over dumplings and hot tea, Kenny is finally going to ask me to the Non-Denominational Winter Dance.

I said yes because, in spite of it all, I really do like Kenny, and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

And I'd feel the same way even if I weren't a princess and always had to do the right thing.

Homework:

Algebra: review questions at the end of Chapters 4—7

English: term paper

World Civ.: review questions at the end of Chapters 5-9

G & T: none

French: review questions at the end of Chapters 4—6

Biology: review questions at the end of Chapters 6-8







Tuesday, December 8, 4 p.m.,

in the limo on the Way to the Plaza


The following conversation took place between Mr. Gianini and me today after Algebra review:

Mr G: Mia, is everything all right?

Me: (Surprised) Yes. Why wouldn't it be?

Mr G: Well, it's just that I thought you'd pretty much grasped the FOIL method, but on today's pop quiz you got all five problems wrong.

Me: I guess I've sort of had a lot on my mind.

Mr G: Your trip to Genovia? Me: Yeah, that, and . . . other things.

Mr G: Well, if you want to talk about the, um, other things, you know I'm always here for you. And your mother. I know we might seem preoccupied with the baby and everything, but you're always number one on our list of priorities. You know that, don't you?

Me: (Mortified) Yes. But there's nothing wrong. Really.

Thank God he doesn't know about my nostrils. And, really, what else could I have said? 'Mr G, my boyfriend is a nutcase but I can't break up with him on account of Finals, and I'm in love with my best friend's brother?'

I highly doubt he'd be able to offer any meaningful advice on any of the above.





Tuesday, December 8, 7 p.m.

I don't believe this. I'm home before Baywatch Hawaii starts for the first time in like months. Something must be wrong with Grandmere. Although she seemed pretty normal at our lesson today. I mean, for her. Except that she kept stopping me in the middle of my reciting the Genovian pledge of allegiance (which I have to memorize, of course, for when I am visiting schools

in Genovia. I don't want to look like an idiot in front of a bunch of five-year-olds for not knowing it) to ask me what I'd

decided to do about Kenny.

It's kind of funny about her taking an interest in my personal life since she certainly never has before. Well, not very much, anyway.

And she kept on saying stuff about how ingenious it had been of Kenny, sending me those anonymous love letters last

October - the ones I thought (well, OK, hoped, not really thought) Michael was writing.

I was all, 'What was so ingenious about that?' to which Grandmere just replied, 'Well, you're his girlfriend now, aren't you?'

Which I never really thought about, but I guess she's right.

Anyway, my mom was so surprised to see me home so early she actually let me be in charge of choosing the takeout (pizza margherita for me. I let her get rigatoni bolog-nese, even though the sausage in the sauce is probably steeped in nitrates that could harm a developing foetus. Still, it was sort of a special occasion, what with me actually being I home for dinner for a change. Even Mr. Gianini got a little wild and had something with porcini mushrooms in it).

I am psyched to be home early because you wouldn't I believe all the studying I have to do, plus I should probably start my term paper, then there's figuring out what I'm going to get people for Christmas and Hanukkah, not to mention going over the thank you speech I have to make to the people of Genovia in my nationally televised (in Genovia, anyway) introduction to the people I will one day rule. I had really better buckle down and get to work!






Tuesday, December 8, 7:30 p.m.


OK, so I was taking a study break and I just realized something. You can learn a lot from watching Baywatch. Seriously.