Only this time it wasn't just my chest that hurt, but my tongue. It had been feeling a lot better but now it started to throb again.

'It seems to me,' Grandmere said, 'that one way to get this young man's attention might be to show up at the dance on the arm of this other young man, looking perfectly divine in an original creation by Genovian fashion designer, Sebastiano Grimaldi.'

I just stared at her. Because she was right. She was so right. Except. . .

'Grandmere,' I said. 'The guy I like? Well, he likes girls who can clone insects. OK? I highly doubt he is going to be

impressed by a dress.'

I didn't mention that I had, of course, just the other night, been hoping that very thing.

But almost as if she could read my mind, Grandmere just went, 'Hmm,' in this knowing way.

'Suit yourself,' she continued. 'Still, it seems a bit cruel to me, your breaking things off with this young man at this time of year.'

'Why?' I asked, confused. Had Grandmere inadvertendy stumbled across some TV channel playing It's a Wonderful Life or something? She had never shown one speck of holiday spirit before now. 'Because it's Christmas?

'No,' Grandmere said, looking very disgusted with me - I guess over the suggestion that she might ever be moved by the anniversary of the birth of anyone's saviour. 'Because of your exams. If you truly wish to be kind, I think you might at least

wait until your Final exams are over before breaking the poor litde fellow's heart.'

I had been all ready to argue with whatever excuse for me not breaking up with Kenny Grandmere came up with next - but

this one I had not expected. I stood there with my mouth hanging open. I know it was hanging open, because I could see it reflected in the three full-length mirrors beside me.

'I cannot imagine,' Grandmere went on, 'why you do not simply allow him to believe his ardour returned until your exams are over. Why compound the poor boy's stress? But you must, of course, do what you think is best. I suppose this, er, Kenny is the sort of boy who bounces back easily from rejection? He'll probably do quite well in his exams, in spite of his broken heart.'

Oh, God! If she had stabbed a fork in my stomach and twisted my intestines around the tines like spaghetti noodles, she couldn't have made me feel worse . . .

And, I have to admit, a little relieved. Because of course I can't break up with Kenny now. Never mind my Bio. grade and the dance - you can't break up with someone right before Finals. It's like the meanest thing you can do.

Well, aside from the kind of stuff Lana and her friends pull. You know, girls' locker room stuff, like going up to someone who

is changing and asking her why she wears a bra when she obviously doesn't need one, or making fun of her just because she doesn't happen to like being kissed by her boyfriend. That kind of thing.

So here I am. I want to break up with Kenny, but I can't.

I want to tell Michael how I feel about him, but I can't do that either.

I can't even quit biting my fingernails. I am going to gross out an entire European nation with my bleedy-looking cuticles.

I am a pathetic mess. No wonder in the car this morning - after I accidentally closed the door on Lars's foot - Lilly said that I should really look into getting some therapy, because if anybody needs to discover harmony between her conscious and her unconscious, it's me.






To Do Before Leaving for Genovia

1. Get cat food, litter for Fat Louie.

2. Stop biting fingernails.

3. Achieve self-actualization.

4. Discover harmony between conscious and subconscious.

5. Break up with Kenny - but not until after Finals/Non-Denominational Winter Dance.



Tuesday, December 8, English


What was THAT just now in the hallway? Did Kenny Showalter just say what I think he said to you?

Yes. Oh my God, Shameeka, what am I going to do? I'm shaking so hard I can barely write — M

What do you mean, what are you going to do? The boy is warm for your form, Mia. Go for it.

People can't just be allowed to go around saying things like that. Especially so loud. Everyone must have heard him. Do you think everyone heard him?

Everybody heard him, all right. You should have seen Lilly's face. I thought she was going to suffer one of those synaptic breakdowns she's always talking about.

You think EVERYBODY heard him? I mean, like the people coming out of the Chemistry lab? Do you think they heard?

How could they not? He yelled it pretty loud.

Were they laughing? The people coming out of Chemistry? They weren't laughing, were they?

Most of them were laughing.

Oh, God! Why was I ever born????

Except Michael. He wasn't laughing.

He WASN'T? REALLY? Are you pulling my leg?

No. Why would I do that? And what do you care what Michael Moscovitz thinks, anyway?

I don't. I don't care. What makes you think I care?

Um, for one thing because you won't shut up about it.

People shouldn't go around laughing at other people's misfortunes. That's all.

I don't see what the big misfortune is. So the guy loves you? A lot of girls would really like it if their boyfriend yelled that at them between second and third period.

Yeah, well, NOT ME!!!






Use transitive verbs to create brief, vigorous sentences:

Transitive: He soon regretted his words.

Intransitive: It was not long before he was very sorry that he had said what he said.






Tuesday, December 8, Bio.



Gifted and Talented was so not fun today. Not that Bio. is any better, on account of the fact that I am stuck here next to Kenny, who seems to have calmed down a little since this morning.

Still, I really think that people who are not actually enrolled in certain classes have no business showing up in them.

For instance, just because Judith Gershner has study hall for fifth period is no reason that she should be allowed to hang

around the Gifted and Talented classroom for fifty minutes during that period. She should never have been let out of study

hall in the first place. I don't think she even had a pass.

Not that I would turn her in, or anything. But this kind of flagrant rule-breaking really shouldn't be encouraged. If Lilly is

going to go through with this walkout thing, which she is still trying to garner support for, she should really add to her list of

complaints the fact that the teachers in this school have favourites. I mean, just because a girl knows how to clone things

doesn't mean she should be allowed to roam the school freely any time she wants.

But there she was when I walked in, and there's no doubt about it: Judith Gershner has a total crush on Michael. I don't really know how he feels about her, but she was wearing tan-coloured pantyhose instead of the black cotton tights she normally wears, so you know something is up. No girl wears tan pantyhose without a good reason.

And, OK, so maybe they are working on their booth for the Winter Carnival, but that is no reason for Judith to drape her

arm across the back of Michael's chair like that. Plus he used to help me with my Algebra homework during G & T,

but now he can't because Judith is monopolizing all his time. I would think he might resent the intrusion.

Plus Judith really has no business butting into my private conversations. She hardly even knows me.

But did that stop her from observing, when she overheard Lilly's formal apology for not having believed me about Kenny's weird phone call - any doubts about the veracity of which he managed to scatter today with his display of unbridled passion

in the third-floor hallway - that she feels sorry for him? Oh, no.

'Poor kid,' Judith said. 'I heard what he said to you in the hallway. I was in the Chem. lab. What was it again? "I don't care if you don't feel the same way, Mia, I will always love you", or something like that?'

I didn't say anything. That's because I was busy picturing how Judith would look with a pencil sticking out of the middle of her forehead.

'It's really sweet,' Judith said. 'If you think about it. I mean, the guy's clearly got it bad for you.'

This is the problem, see. Everyone thinks that what Kenny did was so cute and everything. Nobody seems to understand that

it wasn't cute. It wasn't cute at all. It was completely humiliating. I don't think I've ever been so embarrassed in my whole life.

And, believe me, I've lived through more than my fair share of embarrassing incidents, especially since this whole princess

thing started.

But I'm apparently the only person in this entire school who thinks what Kenny did was the least bit wrong.

'He's obviously very in touch with his emotions.' Even Lilly was taking Kenny's side in the whole thing. 'Unlike some people.'

I have to say, this makes me so mad when I think about it because, the truth is, ever since I have started writing things down

in journals, I have gotten very in touch with my emotions. I usually know almost exactly how I feel.

The problem is, I just can't tell anyone.

I don't know who was the most surprised when Michael suddenly came to my defence against his sister - Lilly, Judith Gershner, or me.

'Just because Mia doesn't go around shouting about how she feels in the third-floor hallway,' Michael said, 'doesn't mean she isn't in touch with her emotions.'