Maya Banks - Theirs to Keep

He was dressing quietly in the dark and reaching for his cross-trainers when he saw Elle rise from the bed.

Cursing under his breath that he’d awakened her when he’d wanted her to sleep in this morning, he started to move toward her when she walked toward the door.

It was an eerie glide, as if she had no care of stumbling in the dark. It wasn’t the careful walk of someone finding her way in a dark room. She walked boldly forward, out the door and into the hall.

Son of a bitch. It was happening again.

“Cade, get up!” Merrick called out as he made a run for Elle.

He heard Cade’s feet hit the floor as he sped down the hall. This time he caught up to Elle before she left the living room. She was standing in the middle of the floor, her expression completely blank as she stared into nothingness.

Then her forehead wrinkled as though she were in pain, and her lips tightened.

“Elle. Elle!” he said louder as he approached. “Baby, it’s me, Merrick. You’re sleepwalking again, baby. Wake up for me.”

“I trusted you,” she said in an accusing tone.

“Huh? What was that, baby? Come on. Wake up for me. Let’s go back to bed so you can rest some more.”

His hands closed over her shoulders, and as soon as he touched her, she jerked to awareness. The cloudiness left her eyes, and she blinked rapidly, and then she lifted her gaze to Merrick.

Then she crumpled on the spot, as if all her composure fled. She sagged precariously, and Merrick caught her against him before she fell. Cade stalked forward, flanking her other side.

“Let’s get her back to bed,” Cade said grimly.

“It happened again, didn’t it?” Elle asked in a small voice.

Merrick sighed. “Yes, baby, it did.”

She closed her eyes as Cade led her gently back toward the bedroom. A moment later, she was sitting on the edge of the bed while Cade rubbed warmth into her hands. She was visibly upset and shaken by the events. And whatever she had dreamed.

“Who did you trust, honey?” Cade asked. “Who betrayed you?”

She raised startled eyes to Cade.

“In the living room, while you were still out of it, you said, ‘I trusted you.’”

Her brow wrinkled, and for a moment, she seemed to fade out again. Then she simply said, “Him.”

“The man who attacked you?” Cade asked gently.

“I think so. I don’t know. Maybe?”

The frustration in her voice ate at Merrick. He hated that this caused her so much pain and heartache.

Merrick eased down on the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms, rocking her carefully back and forth.

“It’ll come, baby. Don’t rush. When you’re ready, it’ll come. When you’re able to cope with the knowledge of what happened to you, then you’ll remember. Until then, your mind is protecting you from what it believes you aren’t ready to deal with.”

She nodded mechanically and then buried her face in his chest. He pressed his mouth to her hair, inhaling her scent. Closing his eyes, he took in a deep breath and tried to still her quivering body.

He wanted to absorb the fear and darkness that invaded her soul. Take it from her so she never suffered again.

Damn it, but every time it seemed they were making progress, her past reared its ugly head. It wasn’t that he and Cade had discounted her past. Or that they were stupid enough to think it would never matter.

But the selfish part of him wanted to make damn sure she was tied to him and Cade, emotionally and legally, before they dealt with whatever ghosts haunted Elle.

It made him sound like a manipulative asshole. No better than the bastard who’d abused her trust and hurt her physically and emotionally.

He curled his hand into a fist. Fuck that. He loved her. He wanted only the best for her. He knew damn well that Cade felt the exact same way. They wanted to be there for her every step of the way. Even if it meant the end result was having to give her up.

It sure as hell wouldn’t be without a fight. But there was a small part of him, his deepest, most dreaded fear, that she could already belong to someone else. That one morning she’d wake up, remember her old life and realize she was in love with someone else. That she’d leave him and Cade and return to the life she’d once lived.

But he also knew that part of loving her was wanting her to be happy. It would gut him to have to let her go, but could he honestly ever try to manipulate her emotionally in order to make her stay?

Hell no.

Someone in her past had hurt her. Had betrayed her trust and made her the wounded, fragile woman they’d discovered in the gun shop so many months ago.

If Merrick had his way, that man would never have another chance to hurt Elle. He hoped like hell that Elle hadn’t been in love with the bastard who’d raped and then tried to kill her.

All evidence pointed to a dirty cop, which meant that they couldn’t just barge ahead and do a wide-open search for her identity or her past.

“Merrick, ease up, man,” Cade said in a low voice.

Merrick looked down, realizing how tightly he was holding Elle and how fierce his expression must be. Rage had clouded his mind. And gut-wrenching fear of losing Elle.

“Go for your run,” Cade said. “I’ll take care of Elle. Go clear your head. You’ve got to get back into your routine.”

Elle stirred in his arms and pulled her dark head away, her eyes finally reflecting calm…and determination that had been lacking moments earlier. It was as if she’d pulled out of the fog of sleep and was now fully aware and in the present.

“Go,” she said softly. “I’m okay. You’ve got to do this, Merrick. It’s too important to let go of. You—we—can’t let what happened ruin this opportunity. You’re at the top of your game. This may be the only title shot you get. You’ve worked too long and too hard to let it slip through your fingers at this stage.”

He stared between Cade and Elle for a long moment as he carefully considered his words. It was a matter he’d given a lot of consideration to over the last few days.

“Sometimes goals and ambitions change,” he said. “Sometimes what you want in one stage of your life isn’t what you want—or need—in the next stage. And sometimes your heart lies in other areas.”

Cade frowned. Elle’s lips pursed, and her eyes narrowed in puzzlement.

“You’re not saying that this is no longer what you want, are you?” Cade demanded. “You’d honestly give up before you ever take a shot at the title?”

Merrick didn’t respond right away. In no way did he want it thought that he was rendering snap judgments.

“I’m not saying anything other than things change,” Merrick said calmly.

Elle slid to her knees in front of him. She took his hands in hers and cradled them to her chest. Her gaze found his, and her eyes burned with sincerity. And worry.

“Please don’t do this because of me,” she choked out. “I know how much you want this, Merrick. You’ve eaten, slept and lived this ever since I came here. I’ve watched you train tirelessly. I’ve seen you spar with some of the best. I’ve witnessed a remarkable change in you as you’ve become more centered and focused. Everyone in your camp believes that this is your time. That this is the fight where you take it all. I believe this is your time,” she added softly.

He slipped his hand over her jaw, cupping her cheek and caressing the silky lines of her face.

“What I care most about is you. Not a title. Not validation or recognition. I love you, and I want what’s best for us. Not me. Us.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “You can have us both, Merrick. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. Cade and I stand behind you, and we believe in you.”

She glanced up at Cade and then returned her gaze to Merrick. He sensed her hesitation, and then her chin jutted out, and she pressed her lips together in a firm, determined line as if she’d grasped the courage to say what she wanted.

“If Cade and I took over most of the office stuff, it would leave you free to train. Exclusively, I mean.”

Merrick frowned, and she reached her finger up to hush him by placing it over his lips.

“I know this is yours and Cade’s business. But you have a great opportunity ahead of you. And if you win? You aren’t going to be out monitoring clients’ businesses. You’ll be training. You’ll have endorsements. Your life is going to change.”

His frown deepened, and he glanced at his best friend and the woman they both loved.

“Maybe I don’t want things to change,” he said quietly.

“CAN WE TALK?”

Merrick turned from the window where he’d been standing and after a brief hesitation gave a short nod. “Where’s Elle?”

“She’s in the shower, so let’s make this quick.”

Cade shoved his hands into his pockets and exhaled deeply. “Look, I get it. The thing with the fight and training. And Elle. I do. But I think you’re making a mistake, and I’d hate to see you make a decision you later regret.”

Merrick’s lips twisted, and he remained silent and brooding. Typical Merrick. Especially when he had something on his mind.

For a long moment, neither man spoke, and Cade was content to let Merrick stew until he finally broke and talked about it.

“I’m too old for a career in mixed martial arts, and we both know it,” Merrick finally said.

Cade lifted one brow. “That was the last thing I expected you to come up with. Is that the best you can do?”

Merrick glared at him, his jaw twitching as he grew more pissed off. Hell, the way this conversation was going, they’d likely end up on the floor.