“Thank you, but I’m not hungry,” Thorpe said politely.
As if he hadn’t spoken, Luc shoved the plate in his hands and shut the door to Thorpe’s living quarters behind him. “I hunted down what passes for a kitchen here and reheated a veritable masterpiece just for you. Axel said you haven’t eaten a whole meal since you returned.”
The platter under his nose held some sort of veal dish with a red wine sauce, roasted sweet potatoes, and glazed carrots. In a restaurant, this dish would be at least fifty bucks, probably more because Traverson made it.
Thorpe’s stomach revolted. “I’ve already eaten.”
“I hate it when people lie.” Hunter stepped up and took the plate, carrying it to Thorpe’s little bistro table in the corner. “Sit down and eat.”
The older Edgington brother may have been a SEAL, but Thorpe didn’t need for anyone to Dom the Dom. “I believe I’ve spoken. You don’t come into my house and tell me what to do.”
Logan gave him a shove toward his brother and the plate. “We will for your own good because we’ve all been there. Don’t be a pussy. You said a lot of things I needed to hear before I won Tara back. Now you’re going to listen.”
Xander stood beside him with his arms crossed over his chest, his charcoal suit perfectly pressed. Javier had chosen something navy, but the pose was a dead ringer for his younger brother’s. They both looked gravely serious.
“I’ll have to echo Logan,” Xander said. “Man up. Listening won’t hurt. Much.”
“I don’t need advice. Thank you for the effort.” Thorpe gritted his teeth. “I’m fine.”
“You can dish out the good advice but you can’t take it?” Javier challenged with a look that tried to shame him.
Thorpe snapped.
“I don’t need advice about anything. I’m goddamn fine! I’m better than fucking fine. Never been happier. Leave me the hell alone!”
The moment he lost control, he wanted to kick his own ass. He had to get his shit under wraps or he’d give in to that nagging urge he’d been fighting to call Sean and ask if there was any way he could take back every fucking word of good-bye and join them. Callie deserved better than him.
Thorpe drew in a shuddering breath, forcing a lid back onto his temper.
Tyler shoved him in the chair. “What a bunch of BS. Fucking eat something.”
Hunter held him down and shoved a fork in his hand. “As I said, I don’t like liars. You’re in love with Callie.”
“She is Sean Mackenzie’s collared submissive.” Thorpe pressed his lips tightly together. And he was just waiting for the day he heard about their engagement. It was coming, he knew.
“Are you trying to bullshit me that you’re not in love with her?” Logan scoffed.
“I’m simply stating that she no longer lives here and is no longer available.” He didn’t admit that it was killing him. They didn’t need more ammunition when they were already so close to the bull’s-eye.
“Don’t give me that façade like everything is fine except for the stick up your ass and the ax in your heart,” Axel complained. “You’re so heavy these days, you’re like a black hole, sucking the life out of yourself and everyone around you. I’ve seen you turn down no less than a dozen subs you’ve played with in the past. If you’re not going to do something about the fact that you love Callie, at least get laid. Dena has been asking about you. I can call her to come release some of the pressure in your valve, man.”
The thought of touching any of the women who had come to him and knelt and offered themselves . . . Thorpe hadn’t thought it was possible, but the food smelled even worse. His stomach turned over. He pushed the plate away and stood.
“Callie loves you,” Luc said. “She’s stated that on TV repeatedly. If there’s anyone who knows what it’s like to be in denial about his feelings, it’s me. I’m lucky Alyssa wanted me enough to put up with my shit. You want to look up tomorrow and find that Callie has moved on?”
She already had. How did these stupid fuckers not see it? “If you look in her room, you’ll find she’s not there. You will find her with Sean Mackenzie, where I’m sure he’s making her very happy, which is what she deserves, so get off my fucking back!”
Thorpe winced. There he went, losing control again. Son of a bitch, he needed to get himself wired up tight enough to get them out of here. Then maybe he could gather the pieces of himself and move on. He held in a snort. Like that’s going to happen.
“Here’s the deal,” Jack began, pacing up to him with a swagger that put Thorpe on edge. “Tell me you don’t love this girl. Make me believe it, and we’ll go.”
Four words. All he had to do was say “I don’t love her,” and this goddamn torture would be over. It should be simple. Open his mouth, let shit come out, end the pain.
Thorpe quickly realized that if he couldn’t admit out loud that he loved Callie, he also couldn’t say that he didn’t love her. It was a betrayal of everything he felt, and he refused to do it.
Logan was right. When had he become a pussy? These men told their wives that they loved them every single day. They were still standing and whole. Blissfully fucking happy even. If all he had to do to hold Callie again was tell her that he loved her, would that really be so hard? If love bettered a man, why couldn’t it heal him enough to make him good for her?
He sat again and hung his head, feeling a shudder work up in his chest, the lump tighten in his throat. But now was the lightest it had felt since leaving Vegas . . . and Callie. “I love her and I sent her away.”
“Do you regret it?” Deke asked.
“I’m too old for her. I’m too rough for her. I’m too . . .” Bottled up for her.
“She doesn’t see it that way, I’m guessing,” Logan said.
“And that isn’t what Deke asked,” Hunter reminded. “Do you regret it?”
“Yes.” He scrubbed a hand through his hair. It was too long, but he just hadn’t found the energy to have it cut. Or to give a shit about it. “I regretted it instantly.”
The door to his apartment opened again. “That’s all you had to say.”
Thorpe whipped his head around at that familiar voice. Sean Mackenzie stood in the entry, then closed the door behind him with a soft snick.
Staggering to his feet, Thorpe approached the man on autopilot. His relief in seeing Sean was so strong, it felt physical. Suddenly, he didn’t have an elephant sitting on his chest.
Instead, he had something far more dangerous: hope.
It occurred to him that when he’d said good-bye to Callie, he hadn’t just lost the woman he loved, he’d also lost a partner . . . a friend. He’d come to like Sean. Rely on him.
He swallowed. “What brings you here?”
“Callie, of course.” He looked around the room at the other men. “Can you give us a minute, guys?”
Most nodded. Deke looked disappointed.
Tyler sighed noisily. “I thought I was going to get to kick some ass.”
But he grinned under that put-out expression.
Luc slapped him on the back. “You really are an asshole.”
“Is that supposed to be news?” Tyler snapped back.
Collective male laughter filled the air as most of the guys filed out.
Logan hung back. “Listen, I owed you for helping me straighten my shit out. This was my way of repaying you. Someday, you’ll thank me, and we’ll be even. Now work it out with Sean, tell Callie how you feel, and fucking be happy. I want an invitation to the wedding.”
With a wink, Logan shut the door.
The silence suffocated Thorpe. His palms began to sweat. A million words crowded his brain. He didn’t know which one of them to speak first.
Swallowing, he sat at the bistro table, picking at Luc’s plate and took a bite. He hoped that looking busy would cut through the awkwardness, but no. He still wasn’t sure what to say. And damn, that veal was really good.
“How are you not horrifically pissed off at me?” Thorpe blurted.
Sean tried not to laugh, but it still slipped out. “Who’s to say I’m not?” Then he sobered. “But Callie told me about your past. I can’t imagine how devastating that was. A betrayal at every level. But you know it was a long time ago, right?”
“Yes,” he agreed quickly.
“And you know Callie is nothing like the woman who took advantage of you as a kid.”
“Absolutely. It’s me. I just closed myself off and refused to care about anyone much. I’ve been a miserable son of a bitch.” Thorpe drew in a shuddering breath. “I just didn’t know how much until her. In over twenty years, I’ve never told a single person that I love them.”
It had always terrified him, the fear of having his heart crushed again. Callie wouldn’t hurt him on purpose; he knew that in his head. But he truly loved her in a way the boy he’d once been, blind with adolescent lust, couldn’t possibly comprehend. In a way his own father had never been capable of. This was so much deeper. As vital as breathing.
It gave her so much power to hurt him.
So now he’d come to a fork in the road. He knew that safety came with loneliness, sharper now because he knew exactly how precious the woman he’d lost was to him. Callie had awakened something that just wouldn’t rest again: his heart. But loving without risk was impossible.
He had to make a choice.
“I can’t promise you that life will always be simple,” Sean said. “We’re three very different people trying to make something unconventional last. But I think we’ve got a few things in our favor. Our differences are our strengths. If you and I were the same, she wouldn’t need us both. Would it be easier on my ego if she didn’t love you? Yeah. I’m sure you feel the same.”
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