She even wondered if she owed an apology to the marquess and his wife. But it was hard to apologize when the offense had not been a really open one. And she did not feel like apologizing. She really did dislike them. But why? Just because they were William's friends? If she was totally honest with herself, she would have to admit that there was more to it than that. They were such an attractive couple, good-looking and vibrant with life, while she felt so dull and so lackluster, especially now. And they were so clearly happy with each other. They were not two individuals, but a couple, it seemed. She had to admit to jealousy, a burning envy. Much as she had tried to convince herself to the contrary, she would have liked a marriage like that. But it was impossible now.

She would go with Emmy and Melly to Lord Harding's house, Helen decided, but after that she would have to do something, make some decision about her future. She could not go on much longer like this. Until then she would block all her problems from her mind.


***

Lord Harding had all his guests gather at his London home so that they might travel to Richmond together. It was a beautiful day, one of those crisp days of autumn when the sun shines and the air is still and one feels that summer is heavy and lifeless in comparison. He was in a good mood. Lady Emily Wade and her two sisters had accepted his invitation; his courtship of the former was progressing quite satisfactorily. Once he had seen her in the setting of his favorite home and assured himself that she suited it, he would pay a call on her father and make arrangements for the nuptials. He had no doubt that she would accept him.

As for his other guests, all had accepted and had arrived on time for a morning start. There were his sister, Sophie Lane, and Sir Rupert Davies; young Timothy; his sister's friend, Miss Janet Ashley, and her brother, Mr. Rodney Ashley; Mr. William Mainwaring; and the Marquess and Marchioness of Hetherington. He was not closely acquainted with any of the last three, but they were apparently friends of Lady Emily's, and he wished her to feel comfortable during the outing.

William Mainwaring had guessed that Helen would be one of the party. The purpose of the visit was an open secret. If Harding were planning to make the eldest girl his bride, it stood to reason that the other two sisters would be among his guests. He was not quite sure how he felt about the situation. Since his drive in the park with Nell, he had not been at all sure that it was possible to break through the barrier she had erected between them. If he was to talk to her again, he would have much preferred a more private setting than they were likely to find during these two days.

He did not trust her, either, to confine her disapproval to him. He could have faced with some resignation the prospect of her singling him out for a public setdown. But he feared that she would again treat Robert and Elizabeth with less than good manners. Perhaps she would even go beyond that. He would have to try to avoid such a situation if he possibly could. Perhaps he could ignore her completely.

Could he do so, though? He was not sure that it was possible. He could not see her without feeling a strong attraction to her. This, despite the fact that she made no effort to look her best or to behave in a pleasing manner. Seeing her sullen, ill-mannered, and obviously unhappy made his heart ache. She had been such a vibrant yet dreamy little thing when he first knew her. She had seemed a part of the beauty and innocence of the woods around her. And the weight of responsibility was heavy on him. Had he caused the change in her?

He feared there was no doubt that he had. She had given herself to him without thought or conscious decision there in the woods. It had been an unreal atmosphere, in which she had been unable to apply the codes that her upbringing must have instilled in her. And clearly she was bitterly regretting what had happened. She felt herself ruined, no doubt, unable to throw herself wholeheartedly into the life of the ton, unable to encourage any other man. Yet she would not accept his offer. She saw him as her seducer and hated him for it. She would not marry him even for the sake of restoring respectability to her life. Dear Nell! She was high-principled, after all.

The ladies rode in two carriages, while the men rode close to them. Helen and Elizabeth had each made an effort to be in different carriages. Neither felt comfortable at the prospect of being thrown into company with the other for almost two whole days. Helen, in fact, was badly shaken. She had not known who Lord Harding's guests were to be. It had never once crossed her mind that perhaps William and the marquess and marchioness would be of their number. She knew of no friendship between her sister's suitor and them. It took her a while to realize that it was her sister's connection to them that had caused them to be invited. Of course. Lord Harding was clearly trying to fix his interest with Emmy. He had invited those three because they were her earliest acquaintances in London.

Helen felt utterly trapped. It was a relatively small party. It would be impossible to avoid them for all the hours that lay ahead. And it was too late by the time she knew the truth to find a way out of going herself. She was already at Lord Harding's London house. So she sat in the carriage, listening halfheartedly to the animated conversation between Sophie Lane and Janet Ashley, sitting side by side on the seat opposite. Emmy and Melly were in the other carriage with the marchioness. Helen was suffocatingly aware of William, tall and handsome and grim on his horse outside, in view almost every time she looked out of the window, though he did not approach the carriage once during the journey.


***

The afternoon and the formal dinner passed agreeably for almost everyone. A late luncheon was awaiting them when they arrived, and afterward the ladies retired to the rooms that had been prepared for them to rest after the journey. Later Lord Harding took some of his guests on a walk around his very large garden, while the less energetic stayed in the house to play billiards or merely to converse around the cozy fire that had been lit in the drawing room. They all retired again before dinner in order to rest and get ready for the evening.

Lord Harding was feeling pleased with himself by the time dinner was over. Lady Emily Wade had behaved with the modest self-assurance that he desired in a wife. She had admired his home and his garden, yet with a restraint that did not suggest a greed to make them her own. She had sat to his right at both luncheon and dinner and had conversed sensibly with both him and her near neighbors. Perhaps, if the opportunity presented itself, he thought, he would talk to her later in the evening. She was, after all, of age, and talking to her father was a formality rather than a strict necessity.

Melissa was feeling moderately contented. She had succeeded in singling Mr. Rodney Ashley out from the rest of the group that had gone walking earlier and found him to be an agreeable young man, even if not a particularly forceful character. She had made a point of being close to him when dinner was announced, and he had led her in and seated himself next to her. At least she was showing Mr. Mainwaring that she was in no way pining for his attentions.

William Mainwaring himself was beginning to breathe more easily. So far he had succeeded in keeping both himself and the Hetheringtons away from Nell. All three of them had chosen to remain at the house during the afternoon. He was not sure if Elizabeth and Robert, like him, had deliberately stayed back when it became clear that Nell intended to go. It hurt him more than he would admit to feel that perhaps his friends were deliberately avoiding her, but it was nevertheless a relief. She was very quiet today. He had hardly heard her voice, even at the dinner table, when she was sitting two seats removed from his. But it was not a contented quiet, he felt. Her face was pale and rigidly set. He did not wish to provoke any unpleasantness in public.


***

It had been a nightmare of a day for Helen. She had held grimly to her self-control, but she felt like an animal caught in a trap. She felt suffocated for air. If only she could get away! She had thought of pleading illness and returning home, but doing so would attract too much attention. She had flirted desperately with Mr. Simms over luncheon but had realized with dismay that he was very responsive. She must not deliberately capture the poor man's heart when she knew she might leave him hurt. She knew too well what such treatment felt like.

Unfortunately, Mr. Simms had stayed close to her all through the afternoon, and he had led her in to dinner and talked to her throughout. Perhaps it was a good thing. At least his presence gave her good reason to stay away from the three people she wished to avoid. But now she had the added problem of being civil to him while not in any way encouraging his advances. And she could not avoid watching the Hetheringtons in the drawing room before dinner, her arm linked through his, conversing with perfect amiability to all around them, but occasionally glancing at each other with open affection. And she was forced to watch William cross the room to Janet Ashley and offer her his arm in to dinner, and to listen to his voice as he talked to her during the meal.

Yet, by the time dinner was over, she was at least pleased that there had been no confrontation. If they could just get through the evening as they had the day, they could all go home in the morning and breathe easily again. Emmy at least looked happy. It was clearly only a matter of time before she was betrothed to Lord Harding. He was a thoroughly dry old stick in Helen's estimation and not without a large sense of his own importance. But he would, undoubtedly, be a good catch for Emmy. Life as Lady Harding would suit her down to the ground.