His reason was obvious, she supposed, and it was one that made her think worse of him than she had already done. He clearly did live by an appalling double standard. The accusation she had made to him in the heat of her anger had been quite justified. He had probably not given her a second thought since leaving her in the summer. A country wench did not merit any concern on the part of a gentleman. It was no barb for one's conscience to have ruined such a girl. But it was a different matter altogether when one knew that that girl was a lady. Only marriage could right such a wrong. It was true that she had done wrong to deceive him. She should not have put his moral values to such a test. But, right or wrong, she had tested him. And she did not like what she had found. She had to despise him for his behavior.

Had he seriously thought that she would accept him, gladly escape to respectability? Had he expected her to so humiliate herself, knowing full well that he offered only because he felt obliged to give her the protection of his name, as he had put it? He must have been confident if he had gone to her father first.

What did he really think of her? Despite his offer, he must really despise her. What woman of her age and rank would have done what she had done? She had given herself quite deliberately to a stranger, when even to have given a kiss should have shocked her. There was no question of seduction. She had entered into the liaison quite as freely as he. It was only now, perhaps, since they had arrived in London that she was beginning to realize even more fully the enormity of what she had done. She saw around her the young girls of the ton, cosseted and guarded at every turn by mamas and chaperons. Most of them probably never had a chance even to be alone with a man until after they were safely married. And she had met a man alone several times and had actually made love with him.

Yes, he must despise her. He must consider her to be a woman of very loose morals. Was she? She supposed she must be. She had suffered and she had been punished for her wrongdoing. She would continue to suffer probably for a long time to come. She could never again live the normal life of a girl of her class. She had accepted almost from the beginning that what she had done was terribly wrong. Yet despite it all, she still could not feel real shame for anything in the past except the deception she had practiced. She should be both ashamed and disgusted to remember that she had given herself to a man who was little more than a stranger. But she was not. The experience had made a woman of her in more than one way, and she would not revert to girlhood even if she could.

Let Mr. William Mainwaring despise her, she thought defiantly. Let him think that she could be as easily persuaded to marry him as to lie with him. She really did not care. If only he did not show to quite such advantage in his city clothes! It did not seem fair that he should have looked so handsome and so distinguished the night before, while she had looked as if she were dressed in someone's cast-off curtains. It was not fair that he had known he would see her this morning and had had the chance to dress in that close-fitting riding jacket of olive green and those buff riding breeches that fit him like a second skin and the highly polished boots. She had felt so dowdy in her brown wool morning dress and her hastily piled hair. And she had felt so unattractive with the extra weight she had put on recently, which seemed to have settled all around her face.

She must avoid him at all costs. She had thought that after seeing him once she would find future meetings easier. But he had made sure that that would not be the case. Now there would be all the acute embarrassment of remembering their interview of this morning. Not that another meeting would have been easy even without that encounter. Seeing him again the night before had only served to remind her of how very attractive a man William Mainwaring was. And disapproving of a man did not take away one's attraction to him, she had discovered with some dismay. She would just have to stay well away from him. The only consolation to her mind was the conviction that he would be just as anxious to avoid her from now on.

Chapter 11

Lord Harding appeared to be quite taken with Lady Emily Wade. He was a man in his early forties, a widower. He had spent the years since the death of his wife divided between his home in Richmond and the Foreign Office, where his fluent knowledge of several European languages made him an invaluable asset during the time of the Napoleonic wars. For a long while he had not seemed to feel the need for a new wife. His unmarried sister had moved into his home soon after his bereavement and had looked efficiently to his comforts and acted as his hostess on the rare occasions when he entertained.

But now the sister, at the age of two-and-thirty, had surprised everyone by betrothing herself to a widower, a baronet more than fifteen years her senior, who desperately needed a mature woman to care for his five children. When Lord Harding began to appear at the social events of the ton, therefore, it was rumored that he was finally looking around for a new wife. Lady Emily seemed to be his instant choice, and it was not difficult to see why that would be. She was the daughter of an earl. She was young, yet past her girlhood, elegant and dignified. He was not the sort of man who would be unduly concerned with her lack of humor.

She was invited to attend the theater with him, his sister, and her betrothed a week after the Hetherington ball, a week during which she had driven with him twice and received visits from him on two other occasions. Lady Melissa was also invited to attend in order to even the numbers with a young cousin of Lord Harding's. However, it was Helen who actually did go. She showed almost the only animation she had displayed since their arrival in London when she heard of the good fortune of her sisters.

"You are going to see The School for Scandal?" she said when Emily introduced the topic over tea in the drawing room one afternoon. "Oh, Emmy, I would give my right arm to be in your shoes. I have read the play, you know, and it is enormously witty. I wonder if it will be well-acted. Oh, I do wish I could see it myself."

Melissa pulled a face. "You would not be so eager if you knew what company you would be in, Helen," she said. "Lord Harding, Miss Lane, and Sir Rupert Davies are quite distinguished company, of course, but Mr. Simms! He must be a head shorter than I am, and so thin and youthful-looking that I shall be positively embarrassed to be seen with him."

"Oh, Melly!" Helen retorted. "What possible difference can it make who your companion is to be when you will be watching a play? You will hardly even be called upon to converse with him."

"Then do you go with him," Melissa said crossly. "You would be a more suitable companion anyway, Helen. I am sure the two of you are more of an age, and you probably would not be taller than he."

"Oh, may I, Emmy, do you think?" Helen asked, turning to her eldest sister eagerly. "I promise to be impeccably well-behaved and to smile until my face splits in two."

Emily replaced her cup in its saucer and placed both on the table in front of her. "I really do not see why you cannot take Melissa's place," she said. "Lord Harding asked only that my sister accompany us tomorrow evening. You really must keep that promise, though, Helen."

"Oh, I shall," Helen cried. "I shall be so intent on the play that I shall not have a chance to get into any kind of trouble, Emmy."

"Well," her sister said doubtfully, "you must remember that a visit to the theater is a social occasion too. You are not expected to have your attention so glued to the stage that you totally ignore your companions."

"I shall be very civil to Mr. What's-his-name, never fear," Helen assured her sister.

On the following evening Helen was still excited. She had never seen a play performed before. She could only imagine how delightful the experience would be. She took extra pains with her appearance, insisting on a plain satin gown of royal blue, which made her look a great deal less pasty than did the pastel shades favored by her mother. She had Matty tightly braid her hair and wrap it around the back of her head. It was a new style for her, but it would certainly tame those wisps of hair that always succeeded in working •heir way free of loose curls or ringlets. She thought the braids quite becoming when she examined herself in the glass. A pale face, which had lost its youthful bloom, looked back at her, but she was not concerned a ith dazzling anyone.

Lord Harding had brought his cousin with him in the carriage. They were to meet his sister and her betrothed at the theater. Melissa had been quite right. Mr. Timothy Simms was a very small man and thin into the bargain. Although he was apparently very young, his fair hair was thinning. He seemed to be living to disguise its sparsity by combing it straight up at the sides and piled in the center. His shirt points were so high and so stiff that Helen feared he was in danger of scratching his eyeballs with them. But she was not at all perturbed by the thought of having to spend the evening in his company. She smiled dazzlingly at him and unknowingly enslaved him from the first moment.

She gazed about her in frank wonder when they entered Lord Harding's box at the theater. She did not know what she had expected, but it was certainly not this.

"It is more like a ballroom than a theater," she said wide-eyed to Mr. Simms, who was solicitously placing a chair for her close to the balcony. "Look at those chandeliers and all the velvet in the boxes."