Jimmy was still around a lot these days. But in her current state, her parents saw no objection to it. Sam needed friends, and Jimmy was a nice, solid boy who offered her nothing more than his friendship. He thought it was really sad that she had to give up the baby, and he said so.

What about the Whitmans then? Would you like to see them again?

Maybe. Sam was noncommittal. She had her dark glasses high on her head, and she looked like a chubby little princess. Her stomach was large and round, her legs and arms were still rail thin, and despite the bulge, she was still very graceful.

Katherine Whitman would like to be at the delivery with you, if you choose them.

Why? Sam thought that sounded disgusting.

Because she wants to see the baby born, and bond with it immediately. A lot of couples like to do that. Would you object to having John there too? He said he'd like it, but for him, it's an option. It made Allegra uncomfortable to listen to all these deals and conditions. It really was a business.

I don't want him there. I'll think about her.

John could be up near your head, where he won't see anything. She pressed just a little too hard and Sam snapped at her.

No! I don't want him there. I told you.

Okay. No problem. So who have we narrowed it down to then? It exhausted Allegra emotionally just to listen.

I think just the Whitmans, Sam said sadly. She hated coming here. It was so depressing. There was just no way out. She had to give them the baby. The only thing to decide now were the details.

Are you going to the doctor regularly? Suzanne went down her checklist. Sam hated that part too, but she understood it. Taking your vitamins? Not taking drugs? Have you had sex recently? Sam glared at her, but answered all the appropriate questions. She went to the doctor, took her vitamins, had never taken drugs, did not drink currently, not even beer or wine, and had not had sex since she'd gotten pregnant. She was every adoptive parent's dream. And Suzanne didn't tell her, because she didn't want to pressure her, but the Whitmans were desperate for her baby. She thought there was a better chance of things going well for them, if they played it low-key with Sam. She wasn't the kind of girl who responded well to pressure. Suzanne never pushed her. She let her come to it by herself, and make all her own decisions. And she had told the Whitmans that they had to be patient and wait for Sam's decision. She even encouraged them to pursue some other avenues, and talk to some other girls, so they wouldn't be disappointed if Sam chose other parents. Sam was clearly not enthused at their being older.

Would you like to see them again? Suzanne asked one last time, but Sam shook her head.

Not yet. For the moment, she wanted a breather. And Allegra took her for a milkshake at Johnny Rocket's when they left. She really looked awful. Even thinking about it was a total drain for Sam. It was a hideous decision. And now her doctor wanted her to do Lamaze classes, so the delivery would be easier for her. She had gone for the first time the week before, with Blaire, and they had shown the class a film on childbirth, and she'd almost fainted. She had to go through all that, for someone else. And then give them the baby. It was a lot to ask for. And she certainly couldn't imagine them being there, as Suzanne had suggested. Sam looked as miserable as she felt as she finished her milkshake.

I wish I were dead, she said unhappily, and Allegra was reminded of Carmen again, who wanted to be dead because she didn't have a baby. There were times when life had a strange sense of humor.

I think that's a little extreme, don't you? Allegra said calmly, and they looked surprisingly alike as Allegra drank a soda with her. How about wishing it were all behind you?

Yeah, I guess so.

And then Allegra remembered that Sam's graduation ceremony was that week, and she couldn't even go to see it. That was an added blow. She asked Sam how she felt about it.

Okay, I guess. Jimmy brought me all the stuff. My name is still on the program. And she had gotten her diploma. In spite of her absence these last two months, she had still graduated with honors. Jimmy said it was kind of boring.

What's with you and him anyway? Allegra asked by way of conversation. He was a cute kid, and he hung around the house all the time, especially lately. She had seen him whenever she came by, even in the evening. He seemed to be the only one of her old friends who had stuck by her. It was as though the others were all embarrassed and didn't know what to say, so they just stopped coming, even her girlfriends.

We're just friends, Sam explained. For the moment, he was her best friend. She told him all her hopes and fears and troubles.

Alan and I were like that at your age. We started out as boyfriend and girlfriend as sophomores, and then we just got to be like brother and sister. We still are, I guess.

I haven't seen Alan in ages. Sam smiled. She had always liked him. He loved to tease her. Though for the moment, he didn't even know she was pregnant. He left before Allegra had found out, and she still hadn't told him. He had his own problems in that department, with Carmen.

He's in Switzerland, Allegra explained, making a movie.

How's Carmen?

Not so hot. She had a miscarriage in Switzerland. He's still there, working. And she had to come back to do a movie. She's pretty miserable, and she misses him a lot. He won't be back till August.

Can't she get over to see him?

Not unless she wants me to strangle her. She's shooting.

Oh. That must be hard not being together. Allegra nodded. The miscarriage had actually been harder for her.

Allegra took her back to the house in Bel Air then, and it was too late for her to go back to the office. She had promised to meet Jeff on his set. And Allegra noticed as she drove away that Jimmy was arriving. She wondered if anything serious was happening there. But she doubted it. How serious could it be with Sam seven months' pregnant?

She thought about her all the way to meet Jeff, and it really made her heart ache to think of what she had to go through. And it made her even more uncomfortable when she thought of her giving birth with people standing by, just waiting to snatch the baby from her. It seemed so creepy. She was still thinking of it when she met Jeff, and they talked about it on the way back to Malibu later that evening.

I hate to see her go through it, Jeff said, shaking his head.

So do I, Allegra confessed. Suzanne is doing a good job for her though. I couldn't do it.

Yes, you could. He leaned over and kissed her, and their conversation finally drifted away from Sam, and on to Carmen. He asked if she had settled down, and Allegra said that things appeared to be quieter for the moment.

And then they forgot the others, and just talked about his movie, and their wedding.

Chapter 18

On July first, Allegra finally brought joy to Delilah Williams's heart. Allegra and her mother went shopping at Dior, and they ordered a dress that Mr. Ferre was apparently willing to have slightly readjusted to suit Allegra. It was white pique, with a white lace overlay. It was short in the front, long in back. And he was going to add a short, high-necked, long-sleeved white lace jacket. It came with a huge white lace picture hat, and it was exactly what Allegra had in mind for her wedding. It was elegant, young, and exciting! Blaire cried when she saw her daughter in it, and Allegra beamed the moment she saw it. They were also going to order white lace shoes. And her mother said she would lend her the fabulous pearl choker Simon had given her on her fiftieth birthday. They wore exactly the same sizes, even in jewelry, which was extremely convenient.

And on the same day, they found a short beige lace dress with short sleeves and a little peplum in the back that was perfect for the bridesmaids. Blaire suggested they have little beige lace hats made for them, like smaller versions of her huge one. And the people at Dior had already promised her miles of white tulle over and trailing behind it. It was going to be absolutely stunning.

Well, we're all set, Blaire said, going down one of the lists Delilah Williams had sent her.

Now you can tell her to stop calling me at the office. I don't have time for that nonsense.

It's not nonsense, dear. It's your wedding.

They had chosen classic wedding music for the ceremony and Beethoven for the recessional through the guests into the formal garden. Her mother had settled the menu for her, and she was going to carry white roses and lily of the valley and philanopsis orchids. The bridesmaids could carry tiny tea-colored cymbidium orchids. They had long since chosen the cake, and they were having dream cake for the guests, in little white boxes with their names and the date engraved on it in silver, like in Europe. The flowers for the tables were yet to be designed, the tent had been ordered months before, and they were having Peter Duchin to play at the reception. The only thing that really remained to do was clean up the garden. The landscape architect was still promising total completion by the first of September and the wedding was only four days later.

They had booked a suite at the Bel Air for Mrs. Hamilton, and smaller rooms for the two bridesmaids coming from New York and London. Blaire had booked the hairdresser for all of them, and a makeup artist for those who wanted it. By July first, everything seemed to be very much in order. There was very little left to do, except plan what Delilah called the satellite events : the bachelor dinners, and the rehearsal dinner. Normally, that would have been given by Mrs. Hamilton, but coming out from New York, she wouldn't know where to have it. So the Steinbergs were hosting it for her upstairs at the Bistro. It was easy, it would be fun. And they had already booked it.