What? was all he said, and the silence in the room was deafening. But they had heard her. How is that possible? Was this date rape, or something of the kind? Why didn't you tell us? It was inconceivable to him that she had cooperated in this mess, but she had, and Blaire understood that much as she stared at both of her daughters. It was beyond her to offer any sympathy or comfort just yet, she was in too much shock herself, and she hadn't absorbed it.

It wasn't date rape, Dad. It was just very stupid, Sam admitted to them, wiping the tears off her face with her hand. She looked awful.

Is it someone you care about? her father asked, still trying to fathom what had happened.

No, Sam said, honest again. I thought I did, but I was more nattered than anything. He kind of swept me off my feet, and then he was gone.

Who is he? her father asked, beginning to glower.

A photographer I met. And you can't put him in jail. He's gone, Dad. And I can't even find him. Allegra explained the circumstances to them, and Blaire started to cry as she looked at her youngest daughter.

I can't believe you were so foolish, Sam. And why didn't you tell me?

I didn't even know, Mom. I didn't even suspect it till last week, and then I went to the doctor. And after that, I was just too scared to tell anyone. I was going to run away and just disappear, or die, or something. But then I decided to call Allegra.

Thank God. Her mother shot a grateful look at Allegra, and then went to sit next to Sam and put an arm around her shoulders. And from across the room, Simon was fighting back tears, and Allegra went to put her arms around him and hugged him.

I love you, Dad, she whispered, and he held her and cried. It was really a disaster, but at least they had each other.

What are we going to do about this? he asked, as he blew his nose and wiped away tears, and sat down next to Allegra on the couch opposite Sam and Blaire.

We don't have much choice, Blaire said practically. She looked at Sam and it broke her heart to think about it. She was so beautiful and so young, and so undaunted by life. But now it was beginning. The first scar. The first major life experience. The first tragedy, or great grief. And there was nothing she could do to protect her from it. You'll have to have the baby, Sam, she said gently. It's too late not to.

I know, Mom, she said, but had no idea what that entailed, for her heart, or her body. So far, it had all been pretty easy. She hadn't been sick, she hadn't been anything. She had just been hungry. And now she was scared. But the rest was still a mystery, and she'd have to discover it herself in the next four months. No one could take this from her.

And then you'll have to give it up. There's no other way, unless you ruin your life. You don't need a baby to mess up your life at seventeen. You'll be going to UCLA in the fall. When is this baby due? she asked, her spirit of organization moving into play rapidly. She was sorting it out in her head now.

August.

You can have it, and give it up, and be in school on time in September. The only thing you'll have to forfeit, I'm afraid, is possibly the end of the school year, and definitely graduation. But Sam didn't say a word about that. She was thinking about something else now.

I'll be eighteen when it's born, Mom. She was turning eighteen in July. Lots of people have babies at that age.

Most of them are married. And in this case, it would be disastrous. You don't even know who the baby's father is. What will that baby be like? Who will it be?

It will be half me, Mom, Sam said, her eyes filling with tears, and part you ‘ and part Dad ‘ and part Scott and Allegra’ . We can't just give it away like an old pair of boots to the thrift shop. It was suddenly clutching at her heart, and Allegra felt desperately sorry for her.

No, but you can give it to people who desperately want a baby, who are married and have tried to have one unsuccessfully. There are people out there, waiting for babies like this, whose lives it won't destroy. For them, it will be a blessing.

What about for us? Maybe it would be a blessing for us too. She was fighting for her life, and her baby's. It was an instinct older than time, which even she didn't understand. But Blaire did. She had given birth to four children.

Are you telling me you want to keep it? Blaire looked terrified. You don't even know who the father is, and now you want to keep this baby, Sam? It's not even a love child, it's a nothing.

It's not a nothing,’ it's a baby, she said hotly, and then burst into tears again. The emotions were running too high for all of them, but Blaire was not going to let Sam sway her.

You have to give this baby up, Sam. We know what's best for you. Trust us. You'll regret it all your life if you saddle yourself with a baby now. It's not the right time, Blaire said calmly, trying to regain their equanimity again. This was just too great an upheaval if Sam had a baby at her age.

That's not a good enough reason to give up a baby, Sam said, and Allegra finally spoke up. She had to be true to herself, and her sister.

That's true, Sam, she said quietly. You have to want to give the baby up. You have to make up your own mind, because you have to live with your decision for the rest of your life. We don't, not the way you do.

Your sister's right, their father said fairly. But having said that, I agree with your mother, Sam. You're too young to take on a baby. And we're too old. It wouldn't be fair to the child if we took it on. The whole thing just isn't fair, not to you, or the child. You can give the baby a better chance if you give it up to the right people for adoption. Blaire looked at him gratefully. As always, he said what she had wanted to say, but gently, and better.

How do we know they'll be nice to it? What if they aren't? Sam was crying pitifully as she said it.

Allegra stepped in again. There are attorneys who handle nothing but adoptions like these, Sam. You don't have to go to some state agency. People with lots of money, with good homes, go to attorneys and pay a fortune to find people like you. And you get to choose among them. You can pick the couple you like best. You call all the shots. I think you'd feel pretty comfortable about it. It's not a happy thing to do, but as Dad says, there are people out there who would really love it. I have a friend who handles nothing but these adoptions. I can call her tomorrow if you like. In fact, she had already left her a message that morning.

There was an endless pause, and then finally Sam nodded. She had no recourse, no other way to turn, and she trusted them. They were telling her that she owed it to the baby to give it up, and she believed them. The hard thing for her was that she had no one else to talk to, no one else to lean on, or cry with. She didn't want to tell her friends at school; she didn't even have a boyfriend at the moment. All she had were her parents and Allegra, and they were all telling her to give the baby up, and she knew they wanted the best thing for her, and the baby.

Allegra promised to call the attorney the next day, and Sam went to her room to lie down. She felt sick and exhausted. After she left, Blaire started to cry, and Allegra sat and consoled her. Simon looked like someone had died, and the entire house seemed to be under a pall. Even the wedding was forgotten.

Poor kid, Simon said, and then shook his head miserably. How could she be so stupid?

I'd like to kill the little sonofabitch who did it, Blaire said. Good for him he's in Japan, screwing someone else, and her whole life is ruined.

It doesn't have to be, Allegra reminded her, but her mother knew better.

She'll never forget this. She'll never forget carrying that baby and giving birth to it, and holding it, and then giving it up forever. It wasn't the same thing, but she was thinking of Paddy. Twenty-five years after his death, she still missed him. She knew she would till her dying day. And Sam would never forget the firstborn she gave up to strangers. There's just no other way to do it.

You don't think she should keep it, Mom? Allegra asked cautiously. In her own mind, she wasn't convinced that giving it up was the perfect answer. As Sam said, other people had babies at eighteen and survived it. Some of them even turned out to be decent parents.

No, I don't think she should keep it, Blaire said sadly. I think it would just be compounding the stupidity. And in today's world, where there are so many decent people dying to adopt, with all the infertility there is, I think it's wrong for her to ruin her life, and deprive someone else in the process. How is she supposed to take care of it? Take it to the dorm with her? Not go to school at all? Leave it home with me? What am I supposed to do with a baby at this point in our lives? We're too old to take care of it, and she's too young.

Allegra smiled ruefully. You haven't been reading the tabloids. Plenty of women your age are getting donor eggs and donor sperm, and in vitro and Lord only knows what else, and having babies. You're not too old, you know.

Blaire almost shuddered. Some women may be doing all that, but I'm not. I had four kids. I was fortunate. But I'm not going to bring up another baby at my age. I'd be in my seventies when it was in its teens that would definitely be enough to kill me. They all smiled ruefully, and they all agreed the best solution for all concerned was to give it up, especially for Sam's sake. She needed a clean slate, and then she could go to college in the fall and start over. It was just a shame that she couldn't go to graduation. Blaire said she'd have to go to Sam's school and discuss the situation discreetly with the headmaster. It was certainly not the first time something like it had happened. Sam was a good student, and the school year was almost over. In that way at least, she was lucky.