Blaire got into bed, and picked up a book. It was Jeff's new one. She had bought it the week before, and now he was going to be her son-in-law, but she could hardly think of him now, all she could think of was Simon having lunch with Elizabeth Coleson again. She couldn't help wondering what else they'd been doing. Was a lunch out in the open simply a brazen, sophisticated cover? She turned to look at him then. He had fallen asleep with his glasses on, and his book in his hands. And she lay watching him, feeling the ache where her love for him had once been, and now it was all so painful. It had been that way for months. As she closed his book and put his glasses away, she wondered if he had fallen asleep like that when he was with Elizabeth Coleson.

She put her own book away, and turned off the light. She was getting used to the pain and the loneliness. She had learned to live with them, but she remembered too well what it had been like before, before things had changed between them. And as she lay there, remembering the past, she forced herself to think of Allegra's wedding. Perhaps they'd be luckier than she and Simon had been. Perhaps the hand of fate would never touch them. She wished that for them, as she silently prayed for her daughter.

Chapter 13

For an entire week after they got engaged, Allegra felt as though she'd been hit by a hurricane at the office. Practically everyone she represented had a problem of some kind, a new deal being made, or a licensing arrangement that someone had offered them and that needed to be investigated. It was as though someone pulled a rip cord somewhere and was trying to drown her.

And when Jeff called his own mother to tell her about their engagement, it only made things more complicated. Her only comment was that it seemed rather hasty, since she'd never even heard him mention her before, and she hoped he wouldn't regret it. She'd spoken to Allegra for a few minutes, and she told Jeff that she certainly hoped they would come to New York, at least for a few days, so she could meet her.

We really ought to go before they start to shoot in May, he had said after they'd talked to her, but Allegra couldn't begin to see when they'd do it. She was still much too busy at the office. But she promised him that they'd manage it in the next few weeks, come hell or high water.

The one thing she didn't do that week, and again her claim was that she was just too busy to do anything, was call her father. Jeff avoided pressing her about it, but she had eventually volunteered that her parents had gotten divorced and there was a great deal of bitterness between them. She had only seen him a few times in the past twenty years, and it had never been pleasant. He seemed to hold her responsible for her mother's actions. He always tells me how much like her I am, and how spoiled we are, and how he disapproves of our Hollywood lifestyle.’ He acts like I'm a go-go dancer and not a lawyer.

Maybe he doesn't know the difference. Jeff tried to inject a little humor into it, but it was very clear to him that Allegra was not receptive. His own mother was not overly fond of Hollywood, and everything she thought it represented. She was highly suspicious of what he did there. But the situation with Allegra's father sounded a great deal more serious. And he got the impression that there was more she wasn't saying. But Jeff decided sensibly that she would tell him when she was ready. He couldn't help wondering though if this was the reason for the difficult men she had previously gotten involved with. If her father had rejected her, perhaps she was looking for men who would do the same, in which case she was going to be seriously disappointed in Jeff. He had no desire to reject her.

On the contrary, he loved their quiet days, their afternoons in bed, their very rare lazy mornings. The weekend after they'd told her parents, they finally shared a quiet evening at home. And on Saturday, they even managed to go to a movie. They had gone to bed as soon as they got home they could never resist making love and they were drifting off to sleep in each other's arms when the phone rang.

Jeff was inclined to ignore it, but Allegra never could. She was always sure it would be some major crisis that she had to handle for one of her clients. And sometimes it was, admittedly, but more often than not it was a wrong number.

Hello? she said, sounding groggy, and for an instant there was silence. She was about to hang up, and then she heard a sob. Hello? she said again, frowning now as she waited. Who is this? There was another long beat, and then another sob, and then a strangled voice at the other end. It's Carmen.

Are you okay? Had there been an accident? Was something seriously wrong? Was she hurt? Had Alan left her? What could possibly have happened? Carmen, talk to me, she said, trying not to sound exasperated, as Jeff groaned on his side of the bed. Every time Carmen and Alan had a fight, Carmen called, hysterical, and Jeff did not find it amusing. He was extremely fond of them, but he didn't think it was Allegra's job to solve their minor marital problems. After all, everyone had them, and most people did not call their attorneys and expect them to solve them.

He's leaving, Carmen finally managed to force out, and then she collapsed in fresh sobs, and Allegra could hear someone shouting in the background.

What's going on? Allegra said, trying to exude calm to her through the phone, but it wasn't working. Is he leaving you?

Yes, he's leaving. She gulped, and then the phone was taken out of her hand and Alan came on, sounding angry and exhausted.

I am not leaving her, for chrissake. I am going to Switzerland to make a movie, and I am not going to be killed, or have an affair, he repeated for the ten thousandth time that night. I'm going to work, that's all. And when it's over, I'll come home. This is what I do for a living. With that, he handed the phone back to his hysterical wife, who was just crying harder.

But I'm pregnant.

Allegra sighed. She got the picture now. Carmen didn't want him to leave to make the movie. But he had a contract, and a very handsome one at that. He had to. Come on, Carmen, be fair. He's got to do this. You can fly over and visit him before you start work in June. Go now, for heaven's sake. You can stay over there for a month before rehearsals. The sniveling suddenly stopped and there was silence.

I could, couldn't I? Oh, God, thank you, Allegra, I love you. Maybe she did. But Allegra wasn't sure that Alan would be just as thrilled. When she wanted to be, Carmen could be terribly clingy and distracting. I'll call you tomorrow, Carmen said hastily, and literally hung up on her. Allegra shook her head, turned off the light, and went back to bed with Jeff, but he muttered into the pillow as she snuggled closer.

You have to tell these people to stop calling you every five minutes like a ten-cent shrink. It's ridiculous. I don't know how you stand it. Allegra knew it really bothered him, but he was a pretty good sport about it. He knew her clients had done that for years. Carmen certainly, and Bram Morrison's wife, and even Bram when he felt he needed to, and Malachi every time he got stoned or drunk and thought he had a brainstorm, not to mention when he got into trouble. And even Alan. And the others too. That's what L.A. attorneys did, and if these people didn't call their attorneys, they called their agents.

It goes with the territory, Jeff. It's hard to get them not to expect that.

It's neurotic. What happened then? Did they have another fight? This is going to seem like a very long marriage, if we get a call at midnight every time they have an argument over who's taking out the garbage. In truth, their garbage had to be shredded and then locked up with a combination lock, so no one would steal it. If you don't tell her, I will.

She doesn't want Alan to go to Switzerland next week. She wants him to stay home with her and the baby.

There is no baby yet, Jeff said, even more annoyed at her than he had been. That's really stupid. She's ten minutes' pregnant and she expects him to stay home with her for nine months?

Only for seven and three quarters. She's already five weeks' pregnant. Jeff groaned again and Allegra laughed. It really was silly. But it was real to Carmen.

Maybe you should go into antitrust work, he suggested, and then finally decided not to waste the opportunity, since they were both wide awake now. He rolled over toward Allegra and started making serious overtures to her. At least it put him back in good humor. And this time, when they fell asleep, there were no more interruptions.

The Oscars distracted all of them the week after that, and Carmen was busy making plans for their trip by then. They were leaving two days later. She and Alan were both nominated, though neither of them expected to win this year. But it was great for their careers to be nominated, though Carmen seemed completely disinterested in her career. The only thing she cared about at the moment was the baby, and, of course, Alan.

Allegra and Jeff saw her parents at the ceremonies, and Simon's picture won five awards including Best Picture, much to Allegra's delight. Her mother looked thrilled for him too, but Allegra kept noticing something taut about her whenever she saw her. She wasn't sure if it was the state of her show, or just a mood, or Allegra's own imagination, but it was something she felt more than saw, and she kept trying to put her finger on it when she talked to Jeff, but he swore he didn't see it.

She just looks upset, or troubled, or sad or something, Allegra said with certainty.

Maybe she doesn't feel well. She could be sick, he explained practically, and Allegra looked even more worried.