It was, but there was nothing much to say. Mostly, I just felt terrible that he had probably been doing it all along and I was too stupid to figure it out. I kept thinking he needed time and space and love, and the truth was, he didn't give a damn about me.

He probably did care about you, Dr. Green corrected her. She had gone too far the other way now, in her anger at having been betrayed, and having found him with another woman. He cared about you, to the best of his limited abilities. That's not saying much, Allegra, but it's something.

But why was I so stupid? How could I have been such a fool for two years?

Because you wanted to be. You needed companionship and protection. The only unfortunate thing is that he was a very unwilling companion to you, and you were the one protecting him. It was a very unsatisfactory arrangement. But what about now? How do you feel about all this?

Angry, stupid, resentful, furious, independent, whole, free, sorry, not sorry at all, scared that the next one won't be any different. Maybe they're all the same, or at least the ones I find are. I think that's what scares me the most, the idea that it could happen again, and again, and again ‘ that I'm just going to keep finding lemons forever.

You don't have to, you know, and I think you learned something this time. The therapist sounded more confident than Allegra felt, which surprised her.

What makes you think that?

Because as soon as you realized what was happening, you confronted it, you brought it to a head, and you let it end there whether he ended it or you did. You did, actually, you exposed him, and he disappeared, like a little worm down a hole. But at least you didn't pretend to yourself that he was still there for you when he wasn't. That's a big step, Allegra.

Maybe, she said halfheartedly. But now what?

You tell me. What do you want? Whatever it is, you have the power to get it if you want. It's up to you, you know. You can find someone wonderful, if you want that.

I think I met someone wonderful in New York, she said cautiously, but I'm not sure. She was suspicious of him now that she was back. She was suspicious of everyone, and her memories of him couldn't be as fantastic as she remembered. He had to be just like the others, if she'd picked him.

Long-distance relationships are another way of avoiding intimacy, Dr. Green reminded her, and this time Allegra smiled at her.

He was there on business too, although he's originally a New Yorker. But he lives here now. An eyebrow immediately shot up, and Dr. Green nodded.

How interesting. Tell me about him. Allegra told her all she knew, and all she'd seen of him. And just telling her about the carriage ride and the skating made it sound unreal, even to her own ears, but as she talked about him, she really missed him. She had promised herself not to call him for a while, and she hadn't. She wanted time for the dust to settle after Brandon.

Why? Maybe he'll think you're not interested in him, Dr. Green said encouragingly. He sounds very nice and very normal. Why not call him?

I'm not ready yet. Allegra balked at the idea, and nothing Dr. Green said that afternoon convinced her. I need time after Brandon.

No, you don't, Dr. Green called her bluff. You've been making excuses for him for two years with everyone you know, and you've just spent a week kissing some man in New York every chance you got. I don't even think you're that sad over Brandon.

Allegra smiled. The doctor had her number. Maybe I'm just hiding for a while.

Why?

Scared, I guess. Allegra confessed to her. Jeff seems so terrific, I don't want to be disappointed. What if he isn't? It would kill me.

No, it wouldn't. What if he's human? How would that be? Too disappointing? Do you like him better as a fantasy, or a counterpoint to Brandon? Allegra hoped not.

I don't know what I feel for him, except that when I was with him, I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. I trusted him completely. And now that I'm home, I think that scares me.

That's understandable, but you could at least see him.

He hasn't called me. Maybe he has someone else.

Or maybe he's busy, or writing, or he's afraid to intrude since you made such a fuss about your relationship with Brandon. Maybe you owe it to him to at least tell him it's over. That might be something. But Allegra was playing a waiting game, and she wanted to see if he called her.

And as it turned out, he did, on Friday. He called late in the afternoon, and he sounded tentative when he asked for her, as though he wasn't sure he should be calling her in the office. Alice told her he was on, and Allegra took a deep breath and picked up the phone, but her hand was shaking. She felt as though the rest of her life had just begun the moment she heard him.

Allegra?

Hi, Jeff. How are you?

Better now. I know I said I wouldn't call for a while, but you've been driving me up the wall. I figured I had to, and then I'd leave you alone again for a while. I really miss you. They were the words she had sweated two years for with Brandon, and with Jeff it was all so easy. He sounded wonderful, and she felt guilty for not calling him, as Dr. Green had suggested.

I miss you too, she said softly.

How are all your kids now that you're back? Everyone behaving? Or are you fighting off death threats and crazies and paparazzi at four in the morning?

It's been a quiet week, actually. Except in her own life, but she didn't say that. What about you? How's the screenplay coming?

Miserably. I haven't felt like working since I've been back. I think you distracted me severely. There was a moment's pause, and then he asked her something he'd wondered since he left New York. How was your weekend?

It was interesting, she said coolly. We'll have to talk about it sometime. But she didn't want to discuss it in the office.

That sounds like a date in the very distant future, he said sadly. He had waited all week to call her, and she sounded so good to him now. He was dying to see her.

I don't think it is, she said quietly. She tried to force herself to be brave and remember Dr. Green's words. What are you doing this weekend? She held her breath and waited. Oh, God, don't let him be like the others’ .

Is that an invitation? He sounded stunned. What had she done with Brandon? But he was afraid to ask her and spoil the moment.

It could be. I'm having dinner with friends in Malibu tomorrow night. Do you want to come? Very informal, in blue jeans and old sweatshirts. We may even go bowling.

I'd love it. He sounded thrilled. He couldn't believe she had asked him. Can I ask who the friends are, just out of curiosity, so I don't make a fool of myself when we get there? He knew the kind of people she hung out with, and he was right.

Alan Carr and Carmen Connors, but you can't tell anyone you saw them together. They're hiding out in Malibu, to get away from the tabloids.

I'll be sure to keep it a secret, he said, laughing. There was no one in the world who would ask him. That sounds like quite an evening.

It won't be, she said happily. They're both lousy cooks, but good people. With any luck, they'll buy take-out pasta. I'll suggest it. Carmen hasn't learned to cook yet, and Alan's teaching her. It could be pretty awful. She laughed, happy just talking to him, and they chatted for a while about what the week had been like without each other.

Were things all right for you when you got back? he asked her obliquely, and she said they were. But she knew what he was asking her. He wanted to know about Brandon, but it seemed so awkward to tell him on the phone. She really didn't want to. It would be easier to tell him on Saturday, before they went to Alan's.

They talked for a few more minutes, and then they hung up, and she thought about him constantly for the rest of the evening. She had planned to go to her parents' for dinner that night, until she found out they were going out, and she went home and made scrambled eggs for herself, and thought about Jeff, and Brandon. She didn't want to make the same mistake again. She didn't want to believe that someone was what they weren't.

And she was very quiet when Jeff arrived at her house on Saturday, looking immaculate in faded, pressed blue jeans, a crisp white shirt, and a blazer. He still looked very Eastern, and she loved it. He looked like a Ralph Lauren ad. And she was wearing white jeans and a white shirt, and a red sweater over her shoulders.

She felt shy with him at first, and he looked around, admiring her house. It was like starting all over again, until he pulled her slowly into his arms and kissed her.

That's better, he said softly. I've waited a long time for this, he whispered.

Nine days, she whispered back, and he shook his head in answer.

Thirty-four years. I've waited a long time for you, Miss Allegra Steinberg.

What took you so long? she asked as he folded her into his arms, and they sat on the couch together, admiring the view. She was totally at ease with him again, as though she'd never left him.

I don't want to be rude, he finally said cautiously, as she went to get him a Diet Coke in the kitchen, and he followed her, and looked around, admiring what she had done. But there was no sign of Brandon. Where is he?

Who? She looked puzzled as she poured his drink. They were meeting Alan and Carmen in Malibu, not at her house.

Brandon. My rival. He was curious as to what had happened and why she was available on a Saturday night. She had offered no explanation whatsoever on the phone. Maybe he was in San Francisco. Is he away?

Permanently. She smiled mischievously at him, looking like a naughty kid who's done something she shouldn't. He's gone. I guess I forgot to tell you. He stood staring at her, and then set his drink down on the granite counter.