Her gaze met his steadily, her irises a stunning shade of blue. "What for?"
Her question was too pointed, delving deeper than the surface reasons for his apology, as if she knew much more than she was letting on. There was a wealth of confessions he owed her, but he went with the most obvious reply. "I never should have left you alone."
"There's nothing to forgive." Her smile was sad as she touched her fingers to his cheek in a loving caress. "You can't protect me forever, Noah. Chad was intent on getting to me, and it was all a matter of time. If not today, then tomorrow, or next week, or next month. And there's no way you could have known that he'd break into the house."
Still, guilt ate at him, along with so many regrets. He'd let her down, and in turn had let himself down, as well.
"I'm just glad everything is finally over," she said with a sigh. "Now we can go back to living normal lives."
She was glad everything was over? Including them? And what the hell did she mean by them going back to living normal lives-with or without each other? Doubts, uncertainties and old fears flared bright and hot within him, raising his anxiety a few notches.
She gently but firmly pulled her hand from his grasp. "By the way, you don't have to pretend anymore," she said quietly.
He stared at her beautiful features, his outward calm belying his inner turmoil. "What do you mean?" His voice was low and rough.
Her shoulder lifted in an attempt at a casual shrug. "About you being my fiance, and us being engaged."
Unable to help himself, he winced. "Has all of your memory returned?"
"Enough to remember that you and I weren't in a relationship before the car accident," she replied, her cheeks coloring a light shade of pink. "Not an intimate one, anyway."
Anxious and jumpy at her revelation, he stood and paced the small area in the kitchen. Natalie wasn't angry, just resigned and accepting of the choices he'd made on her behalf. Choices that had made her intimately his, body and soul.
"I never should have touched you, or made love to you," he said, even as he knew he never could have resisted her. He'd tried, only to fail. He'd gotten inside her body, and she'd found her way into his heart.
"I didn't give you much choice in the matter, Noah," she said wryly. "I wanted you, and I don't regret a thing about our affair."
So, she was going to chalk up their relationship as an erotic, illicit tryst. The thought made him want to haul her over his shoulder again, carry her up to his bedroom and make love to her until she admitted she couldn't live without him.
"Noah," she said, interrupting his thoughts and making him realize that she was standing, too. "Why didn't you tell me the truth about us?"
He released a long breath and explained. He owed her at least that. "It all started at the hospital, as a way for me to get into your room and get information from the doctor about your condition. Once I told him that you were my fiancee I gained access to your room, along with your prognosis. And from there, the fabrication snowballed. The doctor said it was best to let you remember things on your own, and then when I realized you were being stalked, it was the best way to keep you safe and in my care without you insisting you could handle things on your own-which you tried to do a few times, if I remember correctly."
She ducked her head sheepishly, obviously remembering the way she'd argued with him about going back to work and school. The woman was stubborn and independent-traits that both frustrated and aroused him.
Closing the distance between them, he tucked a finger beneath her chin and lifted her gaze back to his. "Except I didn't do a very good job of protecting you, did I?"
"I don't blame you for anything, Noah." She bit her bottom lip, her eyes shining with emotions he couldn't define. "If anything, I owe you for taking me in when I had no one else to take care of me. I couldn't have asked for a better bodyguard than you've been to me."
He clenched his jaw with irritation. He didn't want her damn gratitude, or have his role in her life reduced to guardian. He ached to tell her again that he loved her, but would she even believe him, or just assume it had all been part of the ruse of their intimate relationship? And what of her declaration spoken in the heat of passion last night? Were her feelings for him real, or just part of what she'd perceived to be true before she learned actual reality today?
He was terrified to rind out. Terrified of having fallen in love with this woman, only to lose her.
"I think I've imposed long enough," she went on pragmatically, looking away so he couldn't gauge her expression. "And now that Chad is going to be prosecuted and behind bars, there's no reason for me to stay here with you. As soon as the police are done questioning me, I think I should leave and go back to my own place."
He shoved his fingers deep into the front pockets of his jeans and forced himself to ask, "Are you sure that's what you want?" He left the beginning or the end of their relationship in her hands. One word, yes or no, would seal their fates and futures. Together, or alone.
She hesitated, long enough to get his hopes up and make him believe that she might have a change of mind- a change of heart. Then she squared her shoulders and met his gaze, tough and strong and courageous.
"It's what I think is best," she whispered, giving nothing away, "for the both of us."
Despite Natalie's request that they go their separate ways, Noah couldn't stay away from her. Client cases consumed his days, especially since Cole and Melodie were still on their honeymoon, but he spent his evenings at Murphy's, just to be near Natalie, no matter how awkward and reserved things were between them now.
During the course of the past few nights it had been Gina who'd served him and Bobby their drinks, while Natalie handled a different section of the lounge. The times he came face-to-face with Natalie their conversations were friendly and polite, and he could have sworn he'd seen longing darkening her gaze. Or maybe it was all wishful thinking on his part.
All she had to do was say the word and he was hers, but so far she'd held true to her resolve to return their relationship back to the status quo of acquaintances. And he knew he had no one to blame for her decision but himself. He'd made the choice to entangle her in a fabrication that had destroyed any chance they might have had of a future together.
"Hey, Noah, it's your shot," Bobby said, snapping him out of his depressing thoughts and back to the game of pool at hand. "You've got solids."
Noah gave the front of the establishment one last quick glance for Natalie, who hadn't yet started her shift though it was nearly 7:00 p.m. Gina was working part of the lounge, while another waitress who usually worked a different shift covered the other section of the bar. Blowing out a tight breath tinged with frustration, he returned his attention to the placement of the billiard balls on the table. He lined up his cue, made the shot and completely missed the pocket he was aiming for.
He swore beneath his breath, though he wasn't surprised that he'd missed his mark. His game sucked lately.
Bobby lifted an amused brow his way. "Are you sure you don't want to trade in that soda you're drinking for a beer to loosen you up a bit?"
A wry grin canted the corners of Noah's mouth. "I doubt a few beers will cure what ails me."
Bobby leaned against his cue stick and studied Noah for a long moment before coming to his own conclusion about his friend's mood. "Man, you're in way over your head with Natalie, aren't you?"
I love her. The inescapable thought came automatically, though Noah kept the private words to himself. Bobby didn't know the extent of his relationship with Natalie-the intimacy they'd shared and the emotional depths in which he'd plunged.
Gina made her way to the back of the establishment and breezed by their table. "Either of you need a refill?" she asked.
"I'm fine," Bobby said, then made his shot, sinking two striped balls into two separate pockets.
"I'm good, too," Noah added, then dredged up the one question he knew Gina could answer for him. "Is Natalie off tonight?"
Gina cleared a nearby table and wiped down the surface. "I guess you could say that," she murmured.
Noah frowned, sensing much more to Gina's comment. "What do you mean by that?"
She glanced at him, searching his expression, then shook her head. "You don't know, do you?"
Witnessing the rueful look in Gina's eyes, Noah's stomach twisted into a knot of apprehension. "Know what?"
Gina hesitated, then finally said, "Natalie turned in her resignation this afternoon."
"She quit?" he asked incredulously. "Why?"
Gina chewed on her bottom lip, as if uncertain she should divulge any more information. She must have seen his desperation, because she finally put him out of his misery. "She told Murphy that she's moving."
A fresh wave of panic reared inside of him. "To where?"
Genuine regret filled Gina's eyes. "I honestly don't know, Noah."
"Order up, Gina," Murphy called from the service area, and she gave Noah a soft "I'm sorry" before hurrying over to the bar to pick up her drinks and deliver them.
Noah scrubbed a hand along his taut jaw and stared at Bobby, as if he could make sense of what was happening. "Where in the hell would she move to?" And why? Was she putting even more distance between them, or escaping memories of Chad's attack? Or a combination of both?
"I have no idea what goes on in the minds of most women. Maybe you should ask Natalie for yourself," Bobby suggested pragmatically.
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