"Well rid of a crown, the power to do your family good, to bear a king?" said Caroline.

Sarah looked at her sister helplessly. "There are other things we might talk of. What of our sister Emily's confinement? Is that not more important than my being jilted?”

"Nothing that has ever happened to this family is more important than your being jilted by the King.”

Sarah picked up her hedgehog and flounced out of the room. "I'm sick of all this talk, Sukey," she said to the hedgehog, and she laughed for she had named him after her friend Susan Fox- Strangeways to whom she had given the nicknames of Sukey and Pussy.

"But Sukey was more suitable, for you, Sukey," she said. "You could hardly be Pussy could you?

I have an idea that might have offended your dignity.”

Reaching her room she did what she enjoyed doing when she wished to soothe herself: wrote to Susan.

"Dearest Susan ..." She paused and thought what fun it would be if Susan were here. Everything seemed a joke then, although Susan was far more serious than she was. If George had had any sense he would have fallen in love with Susan rather than her. She was sure Susan would have known how to deal with the matter. There! she was as bad as her sister and brother-in-law; the thing was constantly in her mind. It occurred to her that Susan might not yet have heard the news of the King's proposed marriage. Could it be that it had not yet reached Somerset? She wrote rapidly: To begin to astonish you as much as I was, I must tell you that he is going to be married to a Princess of Mecklenburg ... Does not your choler rise at this ... But you will think, I daresay, that I have been doing some terrible thing to deserve it, for you won't be easily brought to change your opinion of any person; but I assure you I have not. I have been in his company very often since I last wrote to you, but though nothing was said he always took pains to show me some preference by talking twice and they were mighty kind speeches and looks. Even last Thursday the day after the news came out, the hypocrite had the face to come up and speak to me with all the good humour in the world and seemed to want to speak to me but was afraid ...

Sarah laid down her pen and thought: I am angry with him after all. He has behaved badly, and when I next see him I shall show him what I think of him.

She wrote rapidly and went on to say: In short, his behaviour is that of a man who has neither sense, good nature nor honesty. I shall have to see him on Thursday night, and I shall take care to show that I am not mortified to anybody, but if it is true that one can vex anyone with a reserved cold manner, he shall have it, I promise him.

Now as to what I think about it myself, excepting this little revenge, I have almost forgiven him.

Luckily for me I did not love him and only liked him, nor did the title weigh anything with me; so little at least, that my disappointment did not affect my spirits above one hour or two I believe. I did not cry, I assure you, which I believe you will, as I know you were more set upon it than I was. The thing I am most angry at is looking so like a fool ... but I don't much care. If he were to change his mind again (which can't be though) and not give me a very good reason for his conduct I would not have him, for if he is so weak as to be governed by everybody I should have a bad time of it...

She paused, smiling. How easy it was to understand one's true feelings when one set them on paper to friends with whom one could be entirely candid as with dear Sukey. She was piqued. She did care a little. But not much ... not so much as she had cared about the death of her squirrel or her darling Beau.

She took up her pen and wrote: I charge you not to mention this to anyone but your parents and desire them not to speak of it, for it will be said we, invent stories and he will hate us anyway, for one generally hates people that one is in the wrong with and that knows one has acted wrongly ...

It was true, she thought. But George was perhaps too weak to hate anyone. He was at heart kind, she was sure, so perhaps it would not have been so bad to marry him. She sighed and hastily finished off her letter.

His bride's mother had died. The wedding would be postponed. Was it possible ...? When all was said and done there was some satisfaction in being a queen.

There was consternation at Holland House. Lady Caroline was furious; she paced up and down the drawing room unable to control her anger. "I never heard the like. How dare he! It's an added insult.”

Mr. Fox tried to calm her. "It had to be, Sarah's position demands that she should be invited. In fact it would have been a bigger slight not to invite her than to do so.”

"She must refuse," insisted Lady Caroline.

Lady Kildare, recently delivered of a child, said that she was unsure what should be done about the matter, but her husband said: "Sarah should go. What is going to be said if she refuses.”

"It is the most humiliating business I ever heard," declared Lady Caroline.

"Let's see what Sarah herself thinks," suggested Mr. Fox.

"Sarah!" spat out Caroline. "Sarah has no opinions about anything but horses and hedgehogs ...

and perhaps squirrels. Sarah is a fool as we have learned in the bitterest manner possible.”

"Poor Sarah." murmured Mr. Fox. "At least she should be allowed to give an opinion.”

Mr. Fox summoned a servant and asked that the Lady Sarah come to the drawing room. As soon as Sarah entered it was clear to the gathered family that she knew what matter was under discussion.

"I've decided to go," she announced.

"What!" cried Caroline.

Sarah shrugged her shoulders. "If I refuse he will think I am sulking.”

"Which you have every reason to do.”

"He might even think that I care. I am going to show him that I do not. I shall look at him ...

insolently ... while he is marrying that woman and I shall make him feel so uncomfortable that he'll wish he had never seen me ... or her. But I shall go. I have decided.”

"I don't think you have given the matter serious thought," said Caroline.

"I have made up my mind," retorted Sarah. "And after all, the invitation is sent to me. I am invited to be the bridesmaid, remember, and it is for me to decide. All I'm telling you is that I have decided.”

"It's madness," cried Caroline.

"I'm not so sure," put in Lord Kildare.

They were all waiting for Mr. Fox to express an opinion; after all he was the most important member of the family.

He lifted his shoulders. "To go or to stay away ... either is not very comfortable. Which ever is done will raise comment.”

"At least Sarah should show she has some pride," insisted Caroline.

"But I don't think I have, sister ... not much in any case. Everyone knows George is still dangling on his mother's apron strings, they know that she and Lord Bute arranged for him to marry this Charlotte person and he wasn't man enough to refuse. Poor Charlotte! I pity her.”

"I should have thought you would be envying her," snapped Caroline. "You would if you had any sense.”

"But you always said I had none of that useful commodity," smiled Sarah. "And ... I have decided.

I am going to be a bridesmaid at the King's wedding.”

Mr. Fox smiled at her, half amused, half exasperated. He deplored his sister-in-law's failure to achieve the royal marriage as much as anyone, but he couldn't help being fond of her. We shall have further trouble with Sarah, he prophesied to himself.

Sarah flounced out of the room back to Sukey the hedgehog and immediately sat down to write to Susan.

Dear Pussy, I have only time to tell you that I have been asked to be bridesmaid and I have accepted it. I'm sorry to say it's against my sister Caroline's opinion a little. I beg you to tell me what your opinion is. I think it is not to be looked upon as a favour, but as a thing due to my rank.

Why refuse it and make great talk, be abused by those who don't know and perhaps by those that do, for they are always in the right, you know ... Those that think about it will say perhaps that I want spirit and pride, which is true enough, for I don't dislike it in the least, and I don't like to affect what I don't feel though ever so right ...

Sarah put down her pen and laughed. Yes, there was no doubt writing to Susan helped her to understand her own feelings. And even when Susan replied that she thought Sarah was wrong to be one of the King's bridesmaids Sarah clung to her opinions. She was determined to go.


* * *

When George heard that Sarah had accepted the invitation he did not know whether to be relieved or alarmed. While he was being married to this strange young woman, Sarah would be standing close by! He was sure he would not be able to think of anything but Sarah. If Sarah only knew how much he had wanted to marry her! But perhaps she did. Had he not made it plain? Scarcely perhaps, since he had so quickly been persuaded. But there were secrets people did not know.

There had been Hannah. He thought of her, his beautiful Quaker, and how he had loved her and believed he always would, until he met Sarah. If he could have married Hannah, made her first Princess of Wales and then Queen of England perhaps he would never have noticed how beautiful Sarah was.

He tried not to think of Hannah, but he could not forget her. It was natural that he should think of her with his wedding day so close. How different this would be from that other wedding day when he and Hannah had stood before Dr. Wilmot and exchanged their marriage vows. He shivered.