I roll my eyes and walk out into the sunlight. “Whatever. I’ve never understood what the big deal is about reading.”

He shuts the door and locks it, turning for the stairs. “Going to another place. Getting lost in time. Pretending that you’re living a different life.” He heads down the stairs and I follow him. “What’s not to love?”

“Is that why you’re reading all the time? And writing?”

“Who said I read and write all the time?”

“I said so,” I say as we arrive at the bottom of the stairs. We head for the carport where his truck is parked. “I’ve seen you reading and writing in that journal a couple of times, but now that I’m living with you”—I grab the door handle of his lifted truck—“you do both a lot.”

He beeps the truck unlocked and we open the doors and hop in. It takes me a little bit more effort, considering how tall his truck is and I’m barely average height. We slam the doors simultaneously and he starts up the engine, giving the gas a few hard revs.

“Okay, I have to ask,” I say, securing my seat belt over my shoulder. “What is it with guys and their cars or trucks or anything with an engine, really?”

He shrugs as he shoves the shifter into reverse. “I grew up around cars so it was kind of a given that I’d love them.” He backs out, cracking the wheel to the right. “As for every other guy out there, you’ll have to ask them.”

I rest my elbow on the console. “So, what? You guys don’t ever discuss your love for engines or whatever?”

His forehead furrows as he straightens the truck and drives for the exit. “You mean, do we sit around and dig into the depths of our dark hearts to figure out why the power of an engine is so appealing?” Amusement dances in his eyes.

I aim an annoyed look at him, but when he smiles, I hopelessly lose the battle and grin. “Dark hearts?”

“Oh yes,” he says, pulling out onto the main road beside his apartment. “Us men have very dark hearts. Isn’t that what you women talk about all the time?”

“Maybe.” I sit straight forward in my seat, staring at the towering casino buildings of the main area of the city that’s out in the distance in front of us, the lights of the marques so bright I can read them, even though they’re a little ways away. The sun is gleaming and the sky is a flawless blue as we head toward the freeway. “Some really do have dark hearts, though.”

He arches a brow. “What do you mean?”

I shake my head. “I mean exactly what I mean. That some men have dark hearts and some women, too.”

As he slows at a red light, it looks like he wants to say more, but I look out to the side window, not giving him the opportunity. I haven’t made any promises to him about whether or not I’ll stop taking the pills. I’ve just chosen not to contact the guy who writes the prescriptions for me yet. I could any time, but part of me feels guilty since Ethan’s helping me out by letting me live with him. But talking about dark hearts and thinking about the men and women who I know have them makes me want to race to a place where I can get some pills, and not a half of one. I want a full dose, maybe even two or three, so that maybe my own heart doesn’t seem so dark.

Chapter Nine

Ethan

I know it’s really not her thing, four-wheeling in a truck and doing outdoorsy stuff, but the fact that it isn’t might be good for her. Maybe doing something completely out of the ordinary will help her feel better and make it a little bit easier on her when I bring up my rules of living together, ones that are going to be hard to discuss but that need to be discussed, otherwise this is going to end up being disastrous.

“The desert?” She gapes at me, completely thrown off by where I’ve driven us. She gestures at the sandy hills out in front of us that are marked with tire tracks. “This is where you brought me? To the middle of the desert? Why do you keep bringing me to dirty places?”

“It’s not dirt. It’s sand.” I unclip my seat belt and turn down the music. “And I don’t know why you sound so surprised since I’ve brought you here before.”

She crosses her arms and taps her foot on the floor. “Yeah, but it’s weird that you keep doing it.”

I silence the engine. “Why?”

Her lips part. “Because it’s out in the middle of nowhere and there’s nothing to do here but talk.”

“There’s plenty to do here,” I insist. “And being out in the middle of nowhere is the best place to be.” The corners of my lips quirk. “Remember, we already talked about this. You, me, the mountains, and the quiet.”

Her plump lips tug upward. “Oh yes, you and your mountain-man obsession.”

“Don’t judge me,” I say. “Just because I like a little bit less of a materialistic life doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me.”

She unfolds her arms and leans over the console, propping herself up on her elbows, and the curves of her breast rise up out of the top of her shirt. “I never said there was something wrong with you. I just don’t get why you would bring me out here to distract my mind.”

I blink my eyes and tear my gaze from her tits. “Because it’s the perfect place.”

Her lips curl to a smirk. “Are you enjoying the view?” She presses on her chest a little harder and I know her tits are popping out even more, but I don’t look down, even though I know it’s going to be a fucking amazing view, one I’ve almost seen and still want to. There’s no use denying it.

I maintain my gaze and gesture out at the desert. “Of course, what’s not to love about the view?”

She frowns and then turns forward in her seat, fidgeting a little. “So show me what’s so fascinating about the desert.”

I climb out of the truck and stroll around the front of it, knowing she’s confused as hell. When I open her door, sure enough, she has a perplexed expression.

“What are you doing?” she asks, staring me down with her arms crossed.

I wave my hands at her, motioning her to scoot over. “Showing you a good time,” I say. She rolls her tongue in her mouth and scans me over, looking like she wants to rip off my clothes, and I realize I’m giving her the wrong idea. “Scoot over into the driver’s seat, Lila,” I clarify cautiously, reminding myself that now is not the time to try anything with her. She’s too vulnerable at the moment and I already decided I wasn’t going to go down that road.

Her cheeks redden with embarrassment as she swings her leg over the console and sits down behind the wheel. As she’s pulling her other leg over, I notice that she has a scar looping around the bottom of her ankle.

“How’d you get that scar?” I ask, hopping in and shutting the door. “I’ve never noticed it before.”

She places her hands on the top of the steering wheel, sighing. “It’s just from something really stupid I did a long time ago.” She lowers the steering wheel and scoots the seat forward, even though I haven’t told her she’s driving anywhere yet.

“Are you going somewhere?” I joke, strapping my seat belt on.

She frowns, blowing out a breath and wisps of her blonde hair flutter around in front of her face. “Isn’t that why you asked me to scoot over?”

I nod, deciding to let the teasing go. “Yeah, put your seat belt on, though.”

Sighing again, she reaches around and grabs the seat belt. “I don’t see why you’re having me drive,” she states, clicking the seat belt.

“Because it’s therapeutic.”

She glances at me from the corner of her eye. “Like your drums?”

“Were they not therapeutic?” I question. “Because it seemed to me like you relaxed.”

She looks me over from head to toe and for some dumb reason I find myself squirming like a fucking moron. “Ethan, why are you doing this?”

My eyebrows knit. “What? Letting you drive my truck?”

She shakes her head. “No, helping me. I know… we’ve talked and hung out enough that I know it’s going to drive you crazy having me live with you. I know you like your alone time.”

“Yeah… I do, but I’m guess I’m making an exception for you.”

“But why? I mean, all I’ve done for the last few days is be a bitch to you and I know you lived with Micha and everything, but living with a girl is way different.”

“Are you insulting your gender?” I tease.

She shrugs, picking at her fingernails. “Not insulting. I’m just stating the obvious. We do things, you know. Like want to talk and watch sappy movies and leave our bras and panties hanging in the bathroom because we can’t machine dry them.”

I fidget uncomfortably, trying to figure out what to say. “Well, you and I talk a lot anyway and I don’t mind sappy movies every once in a while, as long they’re poetic, and the bra and panties…” I dither with a waver of my head. “I mean, why the hell would that bother me?”

Her cheeks flush a little and I wonder what she’s thinking about. “But you never said why you’re doing it?”

“Because… I like you, Lila. You’re a good friend and you need help.” Friend. I need to remember that.

She mulls over what I said, which was nothing but the truth. “Poetic, sappy movies, huh? Do those even exist?”

“I guess you’ll have to figure that out.” I grin. “Otherwise, I guess no movies.”

She sucks her lip between her teeth, her blue eyes brighter than I’ve seen them in the last few days, which makes my heart speed up a little. “I might just have to live without them, then.” She faces forward in the seat and the fading sunlight glows against her face, her skin soft, her lips full, and she doesn’t have any makeup on, which is rare for her. And honestly, I prefer her without it because right now she looks fucking gorgeous in the realest way possible. “So what am I supposed to be doing here exactly?” She motions at the sandy land in front of us.