I was certainly depressed by what I had seen that morning.

I was uneasy as I prepared for my rendez-vous with Drake. It seemed so strange to be meeting him in the park where we had met so many times in the past. He was waiting for me on the seat where we used to sit.

When I reached him he took both my hands and looked searchingly into my face.

“It is so good of you to come, Lenore,” he said.

“It is like old times,” I replied.

He sighed. “How I wish I could go back. I’d do it all so differently.”

“That’s what we all feel at some time.”

“I had to talk to you. I had to tell you what was really happening. Life is quite intolerable at times … and when I think how it might have been … Lenore, I wonder how I can go on.”

“You have your career,” I said.

“Thank God. I am kept busy, but working here is difficult. I am in Swaddingham as much as I can be, but I am baulked at every turn.”

“Poor Drake! I am so sorry.”

“It is wonderful that you are back in London. I’ve missed you so much. Lenore, if only things had gone differently. Please don’t go away again.”

I said: “I daresay I shall be here for a while.”

”You understand… about Julia. I realized very quickly that there was not to be a child. She tricked me. God forgive me, I hate her for it. I try not to. She is pathetic sometimes. You saw something of what she was like when you were with her, but you have no idea how violent she can be. And partly it is my fault. She has an obsession for me. If I could only return her feeling… if only I could convince her… but I can’t, Lenore. It’s all so false. I can’t pretend to that extent. She knows I never loved her. She knows I married her because I was tricked. She hates herself for tricking me. Poor Julia, I want to help her. I want to cure her of this drinking … but it is beyond me and sometimes I show the repulsion I feel. I think of you constantly. Always I say, If only … I must see you sometimes, Lenore. Please, let us meet.”

“In the circumstances, Drake, I think it would be unwise for us to meet,” I said.

“I was sure you felt something for me. I wanted to ask you to marry me. I hesitated. I thought a great deal about your first husband. I know you cared for him. I was always saying to myself, I must wait… wait until the time is ripe … wait until she has completely broken away from the past. But I waited too long … and this has happened.”

I felt numb. It was a fact that had he asked me I should have said Yes. I was sure that I loved him then; he was a part of my past: the gallant man who had rescued me from the mausoleum, who had come again into my life to take me away from that lost past with Philip, just as he had from the fear of that dark place. I would have gone to him gratefully. I believed that I should have been happy with him … in a quiet, safe way … the way Grand’mere wished for me. We would have raised a family in that delightful country house; there would have been visits to London. I should have kept my interest in the salon. Yes, I could see that it could have been a happy way of life.

But I had been disturbed. Should I have been completely happy? I kept seeing the ironic, amused and sardonic eyes of the Comte—the daik, rather saturnine good looks, the magnetic charm, the exciting personality. I could never now settle into the quiet way of life without thinking of him and what my conventional upbringing had forced me to miss.

His coming into my life had changed everything. I was foolish to think of him. He was as forbidden to me as Drake was.

I said: ”It is all in the past, Drake. No good comes of thinking of what might have been.”

“I could find it more tolerable if I knew that you loved me. If I had asked you, would you have married me?”

I nodded.

“Lenore, that has made me very happy.”

“We should not talk of these things.”

“What you have said makes me feel that I can tolerate life here in London the more easily … thinking of you. We must meet again here.”

“I can’t believe that would be a wise thing to do.”

“We could meet… by chance … by the pond. If I could just see you from time to time …”

I shook my head.

“Please,” he said. “It would help me so much.”

”We should not make a habit of it.”

His face lightened. “I want to talk to you about so many things … politics … the constituency … I’ve often looked up at the gallery and imagined you were there. You would have come to see me at the House, wouldn’t you? You would have done so much to help me. Julia, I think, hates my work. I feel so much better now that you are back.”

He seemed so vulnerable, which was strange for Drake. From the moment he had visited The Silk House he had seemed the strong one. Julia was ruining her life with drink. I was sorry for her but I could see that Drake was almost as helpless.

Surely there could be no harm in an occasional meeting in the park?

My father had gone back to France and I turned once more to work which had been such a solace to me on other occasions. There was plenty to occupy me. I tried not to think of the Comte.

Grand’mere was right about him. To him I was just another woman whom it pleased him to pursue for a time. I imagined that since the hunt had not been productive he had decided to turn his attention elsewhere. I was depressed hoping that he would come to London and prove to Grand’mere that she had misjudged him.

Drake was a more immediate concern. He called at the salon. There was a certain recklessness about him. Grand’mere was very fond of him, but she did not wish me to be caught up with a man who had a wife. That would be even more undesirable than my friendship with the Comte.

I had told Drake several times that we should not see each other, but he was so sad when I did. “To see you … to talk to you … I cannot explain what it means to me. Sometimes I am afraid of what I will do if I don’t break away.”

“You have always been so calm,” I told him. “So very able to deal with any situation.”

“I have never been faced with such a situation before and to realize I have brought it on myself does not make it any more acceptable. There are times when I can hardly trust myself not to do her some injury.”

“For Heaven’s sake, don’t talk like that.”

“I can understand how some people are goaded too far. I want you to know my feelings, Lenore. These meetings with you do so much for me. I must see you.”

I was really afraid for him. I was very fond of him. I did see in him all the sterling qualities Grand’mere had pointed out to me. After all, he was in this position because of his honourable nature. He had married Julia because he had thought it was the only right thing to do. How could he have guessed that she had tricked him.

I was desperately sorry for him—and in a way for Julia too. I knew from Cassie what the situation was for when she was in a state of intoxication, Julia could be very frank.

I could see it all so clearly: Julia passionately in love with a husband who hated her. I think she had loved Drake … idolized him … from the time he had come to The Silk House as a handsome boy, head of the school, the hero, looked up to by Charles who had considered it such an honour when Drake consented to spend his holidays with him. I remembered her wrath against me when he had gone. Julia had wanted Drake from the moment she had set eyes on him. She had contrived to get him— but in trapping him, she had lost him.

Poor Julia! I could imagine those tormented nights when he was in the house … sleeping in another room. She had told Cassie how she paced her room, railing against his indifference, turning to the bottle which was always beside her wherever she was. She told me of the quarrels between them, how she was always upbraiding him because he did not care for her enough, how he would not indulge in quarrels. “Escape! He always wants to escape,” Julia had cried. “He always wants to get away from me but I will never let him do that. He is mine for as long as we live. If I can’t have him, no one else shall.”

T thought a great deal about them. It stopped my thinking solely of the Comte and wondering what he was doing now. I imagined he had returned to Carsonne. I wondered if he ever thought of me. Perhaps new and then as the frigid woman who had refused to be seduced … and on whom he had wasted too much time.

And so I continued to see Drake. It was unavoidable. When I went out he would be waiting for me. It was no use remonstrating with him. I could see how much he needed companionship. We talked of the state of the government and what Salisbury was doing and what Gladstone would have done, but somehow we always got back to Julia.

There was a little tea shop just off Piccadilly conveniently near. It was a pleasant place with tables in alcoves where one could talk in peace. They sold delicious maids-of-honour and madeleines. Katie considered it a special treat to be brought there to tea.

One day we went there. We sat and talked. I wanted to hear how things were going. I was always trying to make him forget his unsatisfactory marriage which I hoped he would do by his complete absorption in politics.

He brightened considerably when he discussed his aims and achievements. He confided in me his concern about the health of Gladstone which was fast failing.

“Rosebery is not his equal,” he said. “But then, who is?”

“Gladstone could not always hold the party together, and he is now an old man.”

“There are many people jostling for power … ready to do anything however discreditable to take a step up the ladder.”

“But you are not like that, Drake.”