Lately I had been picturing the house furnished as I should have liked to furnish it. In the hall I would have a Tudor chest like the one I had seen in an old house and had tried to buy but was outbidden. Fourteenth century with St. George and the Dragon carved on the front; a carved refectory table; high wooden chairs.

But what was the use of dreaming? I could not afford to live in the Queen’s House although it was mine, for if I did it would soon start falling into ruin. For its own sake I must leave it.

And this offer? To go right away, even out of the country. In the past I had dreamed of sailing on a ship to go to India to my parents. I remembered those days when I had walked down to the quay with Ellen and looked at the ships and dreamed of stowing away.

And now … the opportunity had come. I should be a fool to miss it.

I thought of what life would be like if I did. The utter loneliness. Trying to find a post. As Chantel asked: How many antique dealers were looking for an assistant at this moment?

And I could enjoy this excitement. Yes, I was excited. That was why I couldn’t sleep.

I put on my dressing gown. I went to the foot of the stairs. It was here that Aunt Charlotte had fallen on that night. It was here that I had stood with Captain Stretton. He was beside me holding the candle high, and we had gone downstairs together. I could recapture the excitement of that time, because I had believed that I was on the brink of a wonderful adventure. I had gone on believing that until that day when I had learned that he was married … had actually been married when he came here and laughed with me and made me feel — as I had not since my mother died — that I was of some importance to someone.

Down the stairs to the room where we had eaten together.

I could not bear to think of it now.

And I was proposing to go away to look after his child!

Where would he be? I had not asked Chantel. He was at the Castle now, I knew. I suppose he would go away soon but if I looked after his child there would be times when I saw him.

What was I doing walking about the house at night holding a candle in a beautiful gilded candlestick — the same one which he had held that night, for we had never sold it.

I was becoming eccentric. Young Miss Brett was becoming Odd Miss Brett; very soon she would be odd, old Miss Brett. And if I did not take this opportunity I would blame myself for the rest of my dull life.

And if I did, if I agreed to go and look after his child, what then?


* * *

I dressed myself with care. Neat, I thought, not rich nor gaudy. “The apparel oft proclaims the man” … or the woman for that matter.

I was thinking of Lady Crediton whom I had seen only once in the presence of Aunt Charlotte. That had been a long time ago. I was determined that she should not get the better of me.

Being apprehensive I seemed to acquire a cool indifference; not even those who knew me very well realized that it was assumed. Even Chantel believed me to be in command of myself, mistress of the situation. That was what Lady Crediton must believe.

I had ordered the local fly to take me to the Castle so that I should not appear windblown or flustered on arrival. In my brown costume, which Chantel had pointed out was not the color which most became me, with a rather sedate brown hat trimmed with straw-colored chiffon and my plain brown gloves, I thought I looked the perfect governess — as though I could accept authority while in my own sphere I could command it.

But why should I be concerned. If Lady Crediton decided against me, that would settle the matter, and I should not have to make the decision.

Did I want to accept? Of course I did, for even though I knew that if I did I should see the Captain again and that I could be bitterly hurt, I found the prospect irresistible.

There were two roads open to me. I could go on in my drab way or I could seek strange new adventures. But I said to myself: I could find disaster along either road. Who could say?

So … let Lady Crediton decide for me.

I was in that hall again. There were the tapestries. I could almost hear his voice. What an impression he had made! Surely after all these years I should have forgotten him.

“Her ladyship will see you now’, Miss Brett.” That was the dignified Baines, spoken of with awe by Ellen, the rather comic Baines of Chantel’s journal.

I followed him up the stairs as I had on that other occasion. I felt as though I were going back in time and when he opened that door I should see Aunt Charlotte sitting there, bargaining for the escritoire.

She had changed little; she sat in the same high-backed chair; she was as autocratic as ever; but she was more interested in me than she had been on that other occasion.

“Pray be seated,” she said.

I sat down.

“I hear from Nurse Loman that you wish for the post of governess which is vacant.”

“I should like to hear more of it, Lady Crediton.”

She looked faintly surprised. “I understood from Nurse Loman that you were free to take the post.”

“I should be in a month or so, if it suited me.”

It was the way to treat her, as Chantel had said. And while she talked of my duties, my salary, one side of me was studying the room and assessing values in my usual way while the other was alert wondering what the outcome would be and trying to discover what I really wanted.

My lack of eagerness must have been an asset. Lady Crediton was so used to humility in those who worked in her household that any sign of independence disconcerted her and made her believe that any who showed it must have special qualities.

At length she said: “I shall be pleased, Miss Brett, if you agree to take this post and should like to see you here as soon as possible. I would be willing to make the same arrangement that I have with Nurse Loman. You would accompany the child to his mother’s home and if you did not wish to stay you would be brought back to England at my expense. As the child’s governess has already gone, we need her replacement as soon as possible.”

“I understand that, Lady Crediton, and I will let you know my decision within a day or so.”

“Your decision?”

“I have a business to clear up. I am sure it will take me the best part of a month.”

“Very well, but you can decide now. Suppose I agree to wait a month?”

“In that case …”

“The matter is settled. But, Miss Brett, I shall expect you to come as soon as possible. It is so … inconvenient for the child to be without a governess. I shall not take up references, since you have been recommended by Nurse Loman.”

I was dismissed; I came out of the room slightly dazed.

She had decided for me, but of course I should not have let her do that unless I had wanted her to.

Why deceive myself? As soon as Chantel had made this proposition, I knew that I was going to accept it.


* * *

It was mid-October before I left the Queen’s House. Everything was settled. I had cleared out to a dealer the remaining pieces at a great sacrifice. Only the famous bed remained which was the house’s heirloom and would never be moved. The new tenants were to arrive the day after I went to the Castle, and the keys of the house were with the house agent.

I walked through those empty rooms, seeing them as I never had seen them before. How lovely they were with the lofty carved ceilings which one had scarcely noticed before; the exciting little alcoves which had usually been occupied to invisibility; the buttery and still-room restored to their original meaning. I was sure the new tenants would love the house. I had met them twice and the excitement in their eyes over the old beams, the herringbone decorations on the panels, the sloping floors and so on had made me realize that they would cherish the house.

My bags were packed; the station fly would be at the door any moment now. I took one more look round the house and the bell was tinkling. The fly had come.

So I walked out of the old life into the new.


* * *

This was my third visit to the Castle, but how different it was from the two previous ones. Then I had been paying calls; now I had come in order to be part of its life.

I was received by Baines and very soon handed over to Edith. This was a concession and due to the fact that not only was I Chantel’s friend but Ellen had worked for me and, I presumed, given me a good reference.

“We hope you’ll be very comfortable here, Miss Brett,” said Edith. “If there is anything which doesn’t please you you must let me know.” She had borrowed dignity from Baines. I thanked her and said that I was sure I should be comfortable during my stay in the Castle.

For that was what it was. We should be sailing in a month or so.

My room was in the turret which Chantel had described to me. The Stretton turret. Here lived the sick, hysterical Monique, Chantel and my charge.

I looked round the room. It was large and comfortably carpeted. The bed was a fourposter, small, uncurtained, early Georgian. There was a small chest, rather heavy — Germanic; with two chairs of the same period as the bed and one armchair. There was an alcove rather like the ruelle one finds in French châteaux and there were a table with a mirror, a hip bath, and toilet necessities. I should be more comfortable here than I had been in the Queen’s House.

No sooner had Edith left me to unpack than Chantel came in. She sat on my bed and laughed at me. “So you’re really here, Anna. It’s wonderful how everything works out as I want it.”