I had never washed pans. I did not know how to begin. The thin girl was at my side. She said: "Ere, I'll give you a 'and."

I heard someone say: "She is going to faint or something."

I was pushed into a chair. The kitchen was swimming round me. Thoughts chased each other through my mind. The girl who had told me that she had a message from Richard ... the attentions of Clarence as he had sat beside me ... his favourite Malmsey wine which he had insisted on my drinking. Yes, it was a plot... a dastardly plot. It had nothing to do with Richard.

There had been something in the wine to make me drowsy, to dull my senses; the driver of the carriage had waited until it had had its effect so that I should not know where I was being taken. And they had brought me here to this dreadful place. Richard would not know where I was.

As the horror of my situation dawned upon me, I felt numb with terror. All these dreadful people around me were involved.

They were trying to tell me I was not myself, that I belonged here.

I was someone called Nan. I felt my whole life slipping away from me. I was a prisoner in this frightening place. I was caught, trapped in a conspiracy devised by the Duke of Clarence.

Even now when I look back at that time, I find it hard to believe it ever happened to me. It was so wildly melodramatic and there were times during that terrible period when I found it difficult to cling to sanity and they almost convinced me that I was mad.

I would whisper to myself: I am Lady Anne Neville. I am the daughter of the Earl of Warwick. I am betrothed to Richard, Duke of Gloucester. These people are liars, all of them. They are playing parts which have been written for them as in a play. Why? And who is the playwright?

I knew, of course. It was Clarence. He was my enemy, our enemy: mine and Richard's. He was going to prevent our marriage at all costs. That was why he had put me here. To be rid of me? But why send me here? Why could he not simply have killed me? Because he dared not? Richard was my protector. Clarence was the king's brother but so was Richard.

What if Clarence ordered these people to kill me? They could bury my body somewhere here, or throw it into the river, and no one would hear of me again.

I was in a state of numbness for two days; after that, growing a little accustomed to my dismal background, my mind roused itself from its hopeless lethargy and I began to consider what I might do.

I was forced to work by threats of physical violence from the woman whom I had first seen when I had awakened in these sordid surroundings. I had to try to play the part assigned to me -that of kitchen maid.

I discovered that I was in a cookshop which sold meat pies. I was carefully watched and never allowed out of the kitchen when the shop was open. The two girls served the customers.

I had to watch the meat on the spits and wash the pots and pans. I was no good at it. I would be forced to stand at a tub with hands thrust in greasy water up to my elbows, scouring theutensils used for cooking. The big woman would call to me to fetch this and that and as I did not know what she was talking about in those first days I was clumsy and inadequate. I was constantly being called a dolt, a fool. Addle-pate was the favourite epithet; and even if I had realised what was expected of me, it was difficult to understand their speech which was very different from that to which I was accustomed.

I began to know something of these people. The man spent his time between the kitchen and the shop. His name was Tom. He, with his wife Meg, were the owners of the shop. She was the woman whom I had first seen on awakening. Then there were the two girls Gilly, the bold one, and Jane the other.

I was aware that all of them watched me with a certain furtiveness which raised my spirits a little. I felt it implied that they all knew I was not this Nan and had been brought here against my will, and that they had been instructed to obey the orders they had received. They had to pretend that I had been with them for some time and that I was addle-pated Nan who dreamed of grandeur because I had once been lady's maid to a rich woman.

At first I had insisted that I was Lady Anne Neville and that a message should be sent to the Duke of Gloucester telling him where I was.

They had jeered at that.

"The Duke of Gloucester? Did you hear that?"

"Aye, I heard. Tis a wonder she stoops so low. Why not to her friend, the king?"

I said: "Yes ... yes. Send to the king. Tell the king. Then you will see."

"Perhaps he'll send his crown for you to wear." suggested Gilly.

That was not the way. I must find out what this meant. I must delude them. I must be quiet and watchful. I must try to find a way of getting out of this place.

The two girls, Gilly and Jane, slept in a room similar to mine. I slept alone, which was significant, and every night my door was locked, I knew, because I had thought to steal out of the place when they were asleep. I could only be locked in at night because they wanted to prevent my escape. I guessed they dared not let me escape.

In those first days I had eaten little. I could not bear the food that was offered. I was not prepared to eat with them. Their manners sickened me.

Two days and nights had passed. How had I endured it? Whichever way I turned, I met with the same treatment. They were all insisting that I was Nan, the half-mad serving girl suffering delusions that I was a fine lady.

At the end of those two days I was in such deep distress that I had to do something. Despair sharpened my wits. I had to pretend to accept this ... for only then might they drop their guard a little, only then might I discover what their intentions were, only then might I find a way to escape.

I had detected a hint of kindliness in Jane. She was rather inclined to be put upon more so than Gilly, who could stand up for herself.

Jane and I often did the menial tasks together. I watched her when she helped with the pots and pans. She would show me where to find those implements which I had to take to Tom or Meg.

I said to her one day when we were alone in the kitchen: "Where are we? Where is this place?"

"It's in the Chepe," she said.

I had heard of the Chepe. It was a street in London.

"Who comes here to buy the pies?"

"All sorts."

"Why am I not allowed in the shop?"

"Dunno."

"You are."

"Sometimes."

"You see people then?"

She nodded.

"How long have you been here?"

"Since Lammas last."

"You had never seen me before that day Meg brought me down to the kitchen and I fainted, had you?"

She did not answer and turned away.

I must be careful. I must not alarm her, for alarmed she undoubtedly was when I tried to extract information from her. She knew, as they all did, that I was not Nan who had been working with them for some time and who suffered from delusions. "Does anyone else work here?" I asked at another time.

"Only us."

"Do any of the people from the court ever come here?"

"I dunno."

"People from Crosby's Place ... the serving men and women there? There must be hundreds of them."

"I dunno."

"People from Warwick Court?" She shrugged her shoulders.

I thought, some might come here. I knew that when my father had been in Warwick Court his men were all over London. I had heard it said that the emblem of the Ragged Staff was seen in taverns all over the city. And if the taverns, why not the cook-shops?

They were watchful of me, very wary. I think the quietness which had come over me made them wonder. I had ceased to insist that I was Lady Anne Neville. To them it could seem now and then that I had accepted my role of addle-pated Nan, but they were a little suspicious still.

Tom alarmed me. I would be aware of his eyes on me as I worked in the kitchen. Sometimes he would shout at me, declare that I was a fool, an idiot. At others he would say: "That's good. Coming on, eh?" and he would touch my shoulder. I recoiled when he did that. I could not bear him to be near me. Both Meg and Gilly watched him closely, I noticed.

Whenever I found myself alone with Jane I tried to talk to her. I said to her one day: "Meg seems very anxious to please Tom." Jane looked at me in astonishment. They are very happily married, are they?" I went on. She reverted to her usual reply.

"Dunno."

"Do you think she is a little jealous?"

This was dangerous talk. Jane looked furtive. Then a rather sly smile curved her lips. She said: "Master ... he be terrible fond of women."

The weather was hot. The smells of the kitchen permeated the entire place and they nauseated me. I wondered how much longer I could endure this. I tried to tell myself that something must happen soon. Richard would discover I was not at Warwick Court. He would want to know where I was. He would search for me.

I noticed that Tom's eyes strayed towards me often. I thought he was going to find fault with me, but he did not. He asked me to bring one of the pans to him and when I did so, his hand touched mine. I hurried away as quickly as I could. I kept thinking of Jane's words: "Master ... he be terrible fond of women." Poor thin, dirty, dishevelled creature that I must appear to be, I was yet a woman and I trembled.

That night I lay in bed telling myself that I must get away. I must run into the shop, tell someone who I was. I must endeavour to get into the streets. I would run and run. I must find someone who could guide me to Crosby's Place.