“Can I go with him?” she asked. “Please, Seth, I want to be with him.” The dead tone of her whisper filled him with fear.

He held her tighter, glancing over to the counter. Tony or Ed had apparently hidden the knives from the butcher’s block. “We promised Kade, love. You can’t leave me. You promised him.”

She shuddered. He scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom. He gave her a set of twenty and held her while she sobbed against him.

After she went back to sleep, Ed quietly walked in and handed him another index card.

2 - Aftermath

Keep her crying. Keep her breathing. Don’t let her out of your sight, and don’t let her get dehydrated. If she asks to kill herself, remind her of her promise. I know I don’t need to tell you not to let her do it. Use whatever you can to keep her with you. Even if you have to play dirty and make shit up, whatever. Tell her I’m ordering her to stay with you and serve you. I have faith in you. You are the only one who can keep her safe, buddy. I know you don’t want to dope her up, but if you have to, I understand. You are there and I’m not, and I know you’ll do whatever she needs.

Seth cried as he handed the card back to Ed. He handed Seth another one.

3 - Arrangements

Ed will take care of everything. All you need to do is, when he tells you, get her dressed in the outfit in the closet, the one in the garment bag. I already put it together for you. Shoes, everything. Let her keep her formal collar on, the neckline on the shirt will hide it. She’ll feel better. It will be held five days after I’m gone, so you’ve got that much time to get her vertical again. I imagine we’re on day two at this point. When you get a moment, when she’s sound asleep, let Tony watch her, and Ed has something he needs to let you see.

Seth returned the card and studied her. Sound asleep. He nodded and carefully got out of bed. Tony, carrying a book, walked in and settled in the chair again.

Ed led Seth to the study and quietly closed the door. Kaden’s computer was on, and the DVD program was up.

Before he clicked the mouse he looked at Seth. “I’m warning you now, he’s left quite a few. For you to watch. He has a couple for her, but most of them are for you.”

Seth nodded.

Ed hit play before stepping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Kaden had obviously recorded this early on, because he looked good, healthy.

“Hey, buddy.” Kaden smiled. It looked like he’d filmed it with his webcam here at the desk, in this chair. “I know, this sucks. I’m sorry I’m dumping this on you. Up front, I love you, man. I know you love me. I know she loves me, and believe me, I love her…”

Twenty minutes later, Seth opened the door. He’d cried buckets of tears but felt a little better. While watching Kaden waste away over the past several months had been horrible, and his twinge of relief at his friend’s release from his pain filled him with guilt, his overwhelming grief and loss had been at the forefront of his mind.

But Kaden was still there taking care of them in many ways. He had, in typical Kaden control freak fashion, literally arranged every last detail.

Seth felt even more guilt that he didn’t have to do anything but take care of Leah. Kaden had assured him on the DVD that it was supposed to be his only task right now, but that didn’t assuage him. Shouldn’t he be in charge and taking care of things?

As it was, he had all he could do to keep from agreeing with Leah that dying looked like a damn good option.

Kaden had even anticipated that in his message to him.

Damn, he was spooky.

He gave Seth several suggestions on how to keep her focused, how to keep her feeling, subtle things Seth could do to keep her alive.

Seth returned to Leah’s side and napped until late afternoon.

* * *

The phone calls started that evening as people learned of Kaden’s passing. The phone ringer was turned down low, and Helen came over to answer it, giving Tony and Ed a respite. By day four, Leah would speak in short, simple sentences. She’d also stopped asking Seth to let her die.

Ed came in the fifth morning and motioned to Seth. He joined him in the hall. Leah was still asleep.

“The limo will be here at four to pick us up. I suggest getting some solid food in her this morning so she doesn’t collapse on us this afternoon. It’ll last until about seven or so.”

“I can’t leave her side.”

“You’re not supposed to.”

“How do I explain who and why—”

“Seth. You don’t.”

He studied Ed. “Let me guess.”

Ed nodded. “He’s got it planned. Don’t worry about it. You don’t worry about appearances or anything else. Just her. Those are his orders.” Ed looked through the bedroom doorway at Leah’s sleeping form and sadly shook his head. “You know, I honestly thought he was overreacting. You know how he is…was. I was just humoring him. I had no idea…” He sighed. “Thank God he thought this through. He made it all easy for me, really.”

You’re not the only one.

* * *

Seth got her into the shower a little after nine. She docilely stood while he washed her hair, shaved her legs, everything. He carefully towel dried her and slipped a large T-shirt over her head before leading her to the kitchen.

Between him and Tony, they coaxed a half a bowl of oatmeal and two scrambled eggs down her. Good thing, because Seth estimated she’d lost about ten pounds in the past week simply from not eating. He hoped her stomach would kick in and demand more food once it got its teeth into that.

He gave her a session in the playroom, taking the four-foot whip to her, got her to cry. She was actually speaking in coherent sentences by two o’clock when he led her back to the kitchen and coaxed her into eating a bowl of clam chowder.

He dressed her, left her sitting on the couch with Tony sitting on the coffee table in front of her, whispering to her, trying to keep her distracted while Seth got dressed.

The four of them rode in the limo. Seth was vaguely aware of people talking to them at the memorial service, but he kept his arm firmly around Leah’s waist the entire time during visitation. Tony stood on her other side, ready to help catch her if she collapsed. Leah rarely spoke, mostly nodded and said thank you.

At least she appeared to be functional, even if she wasn’t.

Because of the cremation, there was no casket. Kaden instead had picked a picture of the three of them from their Disney trip, taken in front of the Tree of Life at Animal Kingdom, all three of them wearing Mickey Mouse hats, smiling, having fun.

There were over five hundred people there. Seth didn’t know most of them, but apparently they’d known Kaden. The funeral director started a DVD, and Seth both cringed and laughed throughout it.

Kaden the control freak strikes again.

The message was, again, recorded in the early days, when Kaden was still healthy and looked good. How he would have wanted people to remember him. When it finished, a few people gave eulogies. Seth watched but didn’t really listen. His entire focus was on Leah, listening to her breathing, keeping her pulled tight against his side to keep her from collapsing.

Keeping himself from collapsing under the weight of his crushing grief.

* * *

Time blurred.

* * *

Three mornings later, Leah rolled over in bed and looked at Seth.

“Good morning, sweetie,” he said.

She nuzzled her face against his shoulder, and he cuddled her close. “Good morning, Master,” she whispered.

Tony and Ed were now switching off days. Kaden had left a bunch more cards. So far, Leah was acting nearly exactly as he’d predicted.

Damn, he was good.

Seth wondered if he’d ever know Leah that well.

“Can I get you some breakfast, babe?” He held his breath. Normally she would shake her head, and it would take him twenty minutes to wheedle and beg her into eating something.

She nodded.

He stroked her hair and prayed he didn’t cry with relief. “Scrambled eggs?”

She nodded again.

He hugged her, relieved. Maybe they had finally turned the corner.

* * *

Ed stopped by even though it was Tony’s day. “I need to drive you two to the clerk’s office up in Venice this afternoon.”

Leah was napping. “Why?”

He handed Seth another card.

32 - Moving On

Time for you to take the next step. Ed will take you to the clerk’s office and help you get the marriage license. Even if he doesn’t have a death certificate back yet, there shouldn’t be a problem. Congratulations! Ha-ha! No, you’re not getting married today. That’s in a few days. Ed has to arrange the other part for me.

Horrified, Seth stared at the card. “You can’t be fucking serious!” Kade had talked about it, but Seth didn’t honestly think he meant this soon.

Ed nodded, held up another card. “I have to give this to her.”

Seth reached for it but Ed pulled it away. “No, I have to give it to her. You can read it after she does.”

Leah stirred when Seth woke her. Once she was awake, Ed handed her the card. She slowly took it, then closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath before opening them again and reading.

She took a long time. Seth resisted the urge to read over her shoulder. When she finished the card she was crying, but she nodded and wiped her eyes and handed the card to Seth.