Danielle Steel - The Ranch

“Neither do I,” she said unhappily, not sure how to resolve the problem.

“But it's your life, not mine. You'd hate me after a while.” He was smart. That was exactly what had happened to Bobby Joe. He had truly detested her by the time he went back to Texas. “I don't want to do that.”

“So what happens to us?” she asked, looking panicked.

“I don't know. You tell me. I could come to visit once in a while, for as long as you could stand it, or I could. You could come back here. You could get yourself a place here, it might do you good. A place to come to and get sane again after the kind of lunacy we saw the other night. If you lived here, it'd be different. You could live here part of the year, Tan… and I'd be here waiting for you. If I had a life with you here, going to LA. with you would make some kind of sense. I'll do anything you want, stay, let go, disappear, wait for you, I just don't want to go to L.A., give up my whole life, and watch you come to hate me.”

“I could never do that,” she said honestly. She hadn't hated Bobby Joe either.

“I'd hate myself and you'd know that. Come back here,” he said, winding his arms around her, and bringing her so close to him that she couldn't breathe as he kissed her. “I'll be here, waiting for you. Forever, if you want.”

“Will you come to L.A. sometimes, really?” She was worried about him now. What if she never saw him again? If he forgot her the moment she was gone, if he moved on to another ranch, another town, another singer? She was every bit as frightened as he was.

“Sure I will,” he reassured her about coming to L.A. “As long as it's just for a visit. What about your living here, at least part-time?”

“I've never thought about anything like that,” she said honestly, giving it some thought. “I kind of like it.”

“I think you'd love it.”

“If I bought a ranch, would you run it for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, thinking about it, as they sat on his bed, talking. “But I don't want to be your employee.”

“What does that mean?” she asked, looking puzzled.

“It means I don't want you to pay me,” he said quietly, and she could see in his eyes he meant it.

“How are you going to live then?” She was worried about him, and she wanted to work it out with him. There had to be a way they could do it.

“I've got some money saved up. I haven't worked all these years for nothing. I could buy some horses, do some breeding, do some extra work here on the ranch. I could work for room and board at your place. We could work it out,” he said, pulling her close to him again. “I'm not worried about it.” He was feeling better again, he loved her so much, he knew he could do anything with her, as long as they were on equal terms, just so he didn't wind up feeling like one of her employees. But she liked his ideas, and she was thinking about it while he kissed her.

“I don't want to leave you,” she said again. He knew she meant that week and not that morning.

“Then don't,” he said hoarsely, wanting to make love to her again. He had never had another relationship like this one. It challenged him to his very soul, and physically she drove him crazy. “Don't go.”

“I have to. I've got a bunch of engagements for the next few weeks, and I have to cut a record.” And then she thought of the concert tour she'd agreed to. She told him about it while she got dressed, and he listened. “Gordon, would you come with me?” It would mean exposing him to the press, but sooner or later they both knew that would happen, just so long as they were ready for it.

“I'd come if you want me to,” he said, thinking. In a funny way, it appealed to him, in another way, it didn't. He wanted to be with her, and to protect her from all the garbage she went through. But the idea of being part of all that really scared him. But he knew that if he was going to be with her, he had to at least share in her world some of the time. He couldn't expect her to spend all her time hiding with him in Wyoming. “I'd do it,” he said, and she kissed him. “I don't know what we're going to do, Tan. Your life is pretty complicated, but we'll work it out if we have to.” And then he asked her an odd question.

“What about kids? How come you never had one?” He had been wondering about that since he met her. She was such a warm, caring person that it seemed strange to him she'd never had children.

“The time was never right. I was always married to the wrong person at the wrong time, being pushed around by managers and agents. They probably would have killed me if I'd gotten pregnant.” He nodded, it made sense to him, but he was sorry for her. He thought she would have been a good mother.

“Would you still want one?” he asked, looking at her thoughtfully, and she was startled by his question.

“I don't know,” she said honestly, “I did a few years ago.” She had tried to talk Tony into it, but he hadn't wanted more kids, and he said it was too much trouble. “My doctor thought it might take some real effort at my age.” But just his asking about it made her think about it again, and she was surprised to realize, the idea was appealing. And then she laughed, he was certainly turning her life around. He was trying to talk her into moving to Wyoming, living on a ranch, and having a baby. She said as much to him and he laughed. “Talk about a change of lifestyle. I feel like Heidi.” And then she looked at him honestly. “I might want a kid, would it matter if I didn't?”

“Whatever you want,” he said, leaning over to kiss her again and starting to take her clothes off, but they both knew she had to leave before the ranch came alive and everyone started working. “I just think it would be great to have a child with you,” he said. He hadn't felt that way in years. He hadn't felt any of this, and then she told him about Zoe's baby, and asked how he'd feel about it if Zoe left Jade to her. She had meant to ask earlier but never had the chance. But he didn't see any problem with it. As far as he was concerned, that was up to Tanya.

It took all the strength she had to tear herself away from him, and finally she was dressed, and he was in his jeans and barefoot, standing in his living room. He was holding her in his arms, and he never wanted to let her go, not for a single minute. It was six o'clock, and in three hours, they'd be riding together again, but she didn't want to leave him.

“I can't leave you for three hours,” she said with huge eyes looking into his. “How am I going to leave you on Sunday?”

“I don't know the answer to that either.” He closed his eyes and held her for a long moment. “You'd better go though.” He glanced at his watch, and he knew that any minute the wranglers would leave their cabins for the corral, and most of the employees would leave for breakfast. “Will you come back tonight?” He looked at her with worried eyes, and she smiled.

“What do you think?” She kissed him good-bye, and with a wave she was gone, hurrying up the road in the early morning sunlight, as the first fingers of sunshine streaked across the top of the mountains. She looked up as she walked along, thinking of him, and the time she had spent with him. He was everything she had ever wanted, and never expected to find. And now, suddenly here he was in Moose, Wyoming. There was a lot to think about now, to figure out, to plan, to decide. All she knew for sure was that, in a single week, a cowboy from Texas had changed her life forever.

On Monday morning, when Tanya got back, Zoe was already up and making herself a cup of coffee. She was feeling fine again, not even as tired as she had been before she had come to Wyoming. And she looked up when she saw Tanya come in, and wagged her finger at her.

“And what have you been up to? Let me guess… a religious retreat!” It was a lie Zoe had once told for her, to cover for her with her parents, when she had gone away for the weekend with a boyfriend.

“How did you guess?” Tanya laughed, beaming from ear to ear, not just because of the fantasies she and Gordon had shared for the past thirty-six hours, but the feelings she'd discovered for him.

“Does this mean you're giving up Hollywood, and moving to Wyoming?”

“Not yet,” Tanya said, helping herself to a cup of coffee.

“Is this just a passing affair, or should I be hearing wedding bells?” After only a week it was more than a little premature, but the ranch seemed to have a remarkable effect on the people who met there.

“I think that's a little soon,” Tanya said sensibly, “and he's smarter than Bobby Joe. But then again, he's a lot older. He says he won't come to L.A., except to visit.”

“Good for him,” Zoe approved. “It would eat him up in about five minutes. I'm glad he's smart enough to know that. It's not that I don't think he's up to it. I just don't think he'd like it.”

“Neither does he. He got a taste of it the other night, and I think it turned him off forever.”

Zoe nodded seriously. “Mary Stuart told me. Tom called last night, he said the bus is okay again. He was able to replace or fix everything but the curtains.”

“Do you believe that?” Tanya asked in disgust, just as Mary Stuart joined them, looking sleepy.

“Believe what? Hi, Tan, how's your sex life?”

“Be sure not to beat around the bush, will you?” Tanya laughed. She loved the relationship they shared, and it was so wonderful being back together.

“So how is he?” Mary Stuart asked with interest.

“Will you stop!” Tanya hit her with a pillow, and Mary Stuart laughed mischievously. She wanted all the details.

“Look, I haven't slept with my husband in a year. Now I'm involved with a guy who doesn't think we should do it till I figure out if I'm getting divorced or not, what else is there for me to do except live vicariously through my friends?” She turned her glance then to Zoe. “That goes for you too. Any action with Sam when you get back, I want to know it.”