“I wouldn't go that far,” Mary Stuart objected with a grin. “I'm sure Hartley would be thrilled to be called my ‘boyfriend.’ “

“And Gordon would go nuts if he thought anyone knew he said more than two words to me,” Tanya added.

“You guys talked for hours outside last night,” Zoe said, looking pleased but tired and leaning her head against the pillow. “Just be careful,” she warned her again, and Mary Stuart nodded. They both knew that Tanya was sensible usually, but sometimes she led with her heart, instead of her radar.

“Why don't you get some sleep,” Mary Stuart said gently and Zoe nodded, but in a funny way she didn't want them to leave her. She just wanted to be there with them, and stay close to them. It was almost as though they had become her parents.

“I have to call Sam,” she said sleepily. “I'm not even sure he can stay another week for me. If he can't, I'll have to go home no matter what and at least see some of my patients.”

“That would be really stupid,” Tanya told her. “In fact,” she looked at Mary Stuart pointedly, “we won't let you. We're holding you hostage.” Zoe laughed at them, and then tears filled her eyes again and Mary Stuart leaned over and kissed her.

Zoe was still completely overwrought, and as Mary Stuart looked at her eyes, it was as though there were someone frightened and sad trapped inside her. And somehow, she had to try one more time. She didn't want to intrude, but she wanted to help her, As she leaned over her, she asked her one last question. “Are you leveling with us? Is there anything you want to tell us?” She didn't know what made her ask, but she just sensed that Zoe was sitting on the edge and wanted to tell them something, but was afraid to. She didn't answer at first, and Tanya had been standing in the doorway and she turned and watched them, and then added her voice to Mary Stuart's.

“Zoe, is there?” They both sensed that she was keeping something from them, and they weren't sure what, but they knew it was important. “Is something wrong with you?” All of a sudden she had the overwhelming feeling that Zoe had cancer, but as she looked at them her eyes filled with tears again, and her voice was very small when she answered.

“I have AIDS, guys.” There was a deafening silence in the room, and without saying a word, Mary Stuart leaned forward and hugged her. By then, she was crying too. At least cancer might have been cured, but AIDS couldn't.

“Oh, my God,” Tanya said and walked back into the room, and sat down on the bed next to Zoe. “Oh, my God… why didn't you tell us?”

“I just found out recently. I didn't want to tell anyone. How can I take care of my patients if they think I'm sick? I have to be strong for them, and for so many people. But I've been thinking about it so much, about what it means to my life, my career… my baby. I don't even know what to do with her when I die, or if I get really sick.” She looked from one to the other then, in terror. “Will you take her?” They were the best friends she had, and she would have loved to know that Jade was with them.

“I will.” Tanya spoke up instantly, without hesitation.

“I'd love to have your baby.”

“And if for some reason, Tanya can't, I will.” Mary Stuart said it strongly and firmly, but Zoe was still worried, though grateful.

“What if you're with Bill, and he doesn't want her?”

“I'm going to leave him anyway,” she said in a clear, sure voice, and Zoe believed her. “And if for some reason I didn't, I would then for sure, if he wouldn't let me take her.” And she meant it.

“And I don't have anybody telling me what to do,” Tanya said with a warm smile, holding her friend's hand. It was small and frail and icy. “But you have to take care of yourself. You could live for a long time. You owe her that, and us, and your patients. What about this doctor covering for you? Have you told him? You're going to need his help so you don't overdo it.” It was exactly what Dr. Kroner had told her that morning. But she didn't want to tell Sam either. It was enough that Tanya and Mary Stuart knew. Now they would nag her, and worry about her, and tell her what not to do. But on the other hand they would also support her and love her. It was the same dilemma she saw with all her patients. On balance, with Tanya and Mary Stuart, she was actually glad she had told them. Now she knew that Jade could go to Tanya, and she could draw up the papers. Hopefully, it wouldn't happen for a long time, but you never knew.

“I really don't want to tell him,” Zoe said, referring to Sam. “Word would spread like wildfire, and I just don't want that. It diminishes my impact on my patients.”

“On the contrary,” Mary Stuart said seriously, “I think it increases it. They'll know then that you really know whereof you're speaking.” And then she wondered something, though she was almost embarrassed to ask her. “How did you get it, by the way?”

“A needle stick from a little girl with AIDS. She squirmed and so did I, it was just bad luck really. I wondered at the time, but I decided to be philosophical about it. I almost forgot, and then I started getting sick. I denied it for a while, and then I finally got tested. I just found out before I called you,” she said to Tanya, and Tanya sat on her bed, holding her other hand and crying.

“I just can't believe this,” Tanya said, feeling badly shaken.

“I'll be okay. I'll feel better when my gut settles down again,” Zoe said, looking a little stronger. They were so supportive of her that she felt terrible to have upset them. They looked worse than she did.

“I want both of you to go out and play. I don't want you sitting here all day,” she said firmly. It was nearly lunchtime.

“We will if you promise to get some rest,” Tanya said, and Zoe nodded.

“I'm going to sleep all day, and by tonight, hopefully, Hi feel human.”

“You have to be okay by tomorrow night,” Mary Stuart said practically, “so we can all learn the two-step-Let's get priorities straight here.” They all smiled through their tears, and the three of them held hands for a long moment. And Zoe thanked her lucky stars that she had come to Wyoming. Being with them had been the most important thing that had happened to her in ages, and it had settled her daughter's future-She had made her peace with Mary Stuart, and she was even coming to terms with the fact that she had AIDS. She hated the thought of it, but she knew somehow that if she did the right things, perhaps she could prolong her life and improve the quality of it. It was the best she could do now. And then the three of them made a pact and Zoe made the others promise her not to tell anyone that she had AIDS. If anyone wanted to know, she wanted them to say she had an ulcer, or even stomach cancer. They could say anything except that she had the AIDS virus, and was dying-She didn't want to deal with their terror or their pity. And her friends agreed to support her in her deception.

She sent them out finally, and when Mary Stuart and Tanya walked out, they both started crying, but they didn't say anything until they were out of earshot.

“Oh, God, what an awful day,” Mary Stuart finally said when they were halfway to the stables. They didn't even know where they were going, they were just walking and crying, with their arms around each other. “I can't believe it.”

“You know, it's funny. I kept thinking she was very pale. She always had that translucent kind of skin that goes with her red hair, but she's been paler than ever since she got here,” Tanya said, thinking back over it, “and she gets tired very easily.”

“Well, this explains it.” Mary Stuart looked devastated, and was grateful that they had made peace now. “Thank God she told us. What a terrible burden to take on alone. I hope we can do something to help her.”

“She needs to tell the guy who's covering for her, Sam. He really has to help her, or she has to find someone else who will,” Tanya said practically, thinking of the future.

“I guess that explains why she won't date,” Mary Stuart added.

“I don't see why she can't, if she's careful,” Tanya said thoughtfully. “I'm sure other people do. She can't completely isolate herself, it's not healthy. Oh, God, I can't believe this,” Tanya muttered, and they both blew their noses in unison, just as Hartley and Gordon walked toward them, leading their horses. They almost walked right into them, and both men saw immediately that they'd been crying, and wondered what had happened.

“What happened?” Hartley asked. He had been very worried when Mary Stuart had told him they couldn't ride that morning. And Gordon was terrified that Tanya had come to her senses and was now afraid to face him. But it was obvious now that something much worse had happened to them. And at first neither woman answered.

“Are you all right?” Gordon asked Tanya cautiously. She looked as though someone close to her had died. It wasn't that bad, but it would be, someday. This was just the introduction.

“I'm okay,” Tanya whispered, brushing his hand with her fingers, and he felt an electric current run through him. “How's your friend?” Tanya didn't answer, and she saw that Mary Stuart was talking to Hartley and crying again. She knew Mary Stuart was too discreet to break her promise to Zoe and tell him Zoe had AIDS, but Tanya suspected she might say she had cancer, which was what the three of them had agreed to tell Hartley and Gordon. And Tanya chose to do the same thing with Gordon. He felt terrible when he heard, and he could see easily how close they were. “I've known her since I was eighteen. That's twenty-six years,” she said miserably, and he wished he could put an arm around her shoulders, but he didn't dare. He was working.

“It sure doesn't look it,” he said, and she smiled at him.

“Thanks. I'm probably ten years older than you are,” she said. “Officially, I'm thirty-six, in case it matters. But I'm really forty-four.”