“This could come as a shock to you,” he said gently, as they went through the metal detector, and then past it. “But I went to medical school. I'm board certified, and I have a license. Honest. I swear.” He held up a hand, and she laughed nervously.

“I know, Sam. I'm sorry. I can't help it.”

“I know you can't. But you have to try and relax, or you're going to have a heart attack right here, and never get to Wyoming. And I hate doing CPR in places like this. It's so obvious, and it makes me look like an ER doc, instead of a humble locum tenens.” He was teasing her, and she wanted to relax, but she just couldn't. She felt so guilty, about leaving all of them and Jade, that she was sorry she was going, and if she could have backed out without feeling like a total jerk, she would have. But she had promised Tanya, and she knew she needed the rest. Otherwise, she would have stayed home and gone to work. She had just gone through the same performance at home with Inge, about instructions for Jade, and when the baby had started crying, Sam almost had to drag her down the stairs with her suitcase.

“I can see why you never go anywhere,” he said as they sat down to wait for the plane. He thought she looked pale and he wondered if she was sick again, or just stressed and nervous. Probably a little of both. He was glad she was taking a vacation and he loved doing locum tenens in her practice. He liked working for her too. But he was willing to sacrifice her company for the moment, she was obviously in dire need of some time off.

They had never talked about her personal life again. Ever since their first night out, Zoe had kept the conversation entirely to business. But he still hadn't given up. He had promised to cook dinner for her and Jade when she got back from Wyoming, and she had at least accepted. She saw it as an opportunity for continued friendship. Sam didn't.

“You won't forget to check on Quinn Morrison, will you? I promised him you'd come by every afternoon after the office.” He was one of her favorite patients, a sweet man in his seventies, who had contracted AIDS after prostate surgery, and he was doing poorly.

“I swear,” Sam promised. She had also left him ten thousand instructions at the office. And as he looked at her with a gentle smile, he put an arm around her shoulders. “I'm also going to check up on your daughter, and make sure your au pair isn't beating her, or having sex in your bedroom while Jade watches Big Bird.”

“Oh, God, don't say that,” Zoe groaned at the prospect. She hadn't even thought of Inge doing a thing like that, and he laughed at her reaction.

“I'm going to put you on Prozac if you don't stop it. Or at least Valium.”

“What a nice idea,” she said. Actually, she had just started AZT that week, as a precaution. She was a great believer in doing that prophylactically, even before symptoms, and recommended it to all her patients. She had even told Sam that, in case he saw any new patients. “I really shouldn't have gone on this trip,” she said, torturing herself further, and he suggested they go and get a cup of coffee.

“I don't know another human being who deserves it more,” he said seriously, as he ordered two cappuccinos. “I'm just sorry you're not going for two weeks instead of one.” But they both knew she could never have done it.

“Maybe next year.”

“I'm impressed,” he teased. “You actually think you might do this again? I figured this was a once-in-a-life-time deal.” It might be, but not for the reasons he was thinking, and she didn't say that.

“We'll see.” She looked coy then over her coffee. “Depends how much I like it.”

“What's not to like.7” He had been to Yellowstone Park once, and absolutely loved it.

“Depends how cute the cowboys are.” She was teasing him, and he didn't think he liked it, but he was nonetheless willing to take it from her.

“Oh, great. You tell me you're becoming a nun, and now you're going to Wyoming to chase cowboys. Terrific. See if I cover for you again. Maybe I'll give all your patients placebos.”

“Don't you dare!” she laughed.

“I wear cowboy boots too, you know. And I can buy one of those dumb hats, if that's what gets to you. Funny though, I can't see Dick Franklin playing cowboy,” he mused, and she laughed at him. He loved to give her a hard time about the illustrious Dr. Franklin. Sam really didn't like him. He thought he was a pompous, pretentious asshole. They had disagreed about surgical treatment for breast cancer at a medical meeting in L.A., and Franklin had treated Sam like a novice. And although he wasn't a surgeon himself, he certainly had valid opinions. But Dick Franklin didn't think so.

“I'll bring you back a cowboy hat,” Zoe promised him, and he grinned. She still hadn't convinced him about the validity of her celibacy, and he had every intention of continuing to annoy her about it.

“Just don't bring home a cowboy.”

“I'll call you,” she said as the plane pulled in. She was flying to Salt Lake City, and then transferring to a smaller plane to Jackson Hole, Wyoming. She had timed it perfectly to arrive at almost the same time as Tanya.

“Say hello to your friend for me. I'd love to meet her sometime.”

“I'll tell her to call you,” she teased. Everyone in the world wanted to meet Tanya. She was everyone's dream girl. And then suddenly he looked serious as she picked up her bag and got ready to board the aircraft. “Take care of yourself. You need a break, Miss Z. Use this time for yourself. You've earned it.” She nodded, touched by the way he looked at her, but unable to respond to him, and then she saw him narrow his eyes with an unspoken question. “I just thought of something. Do you have a medical bag with you?” he asked, looking worried.

“Yeah. Why? I put one in my suitcase, but I checked it. Do you need it?” She looked around, wondering if he had seen something she hadn't. She was usually careful about volunteering her assistance in public, but if she was needed urgently, she always did it. “Is someone hurt?”

“Yeah. You. After I hit you over the head with my shoe. You're on vacation, you dope. I thought you'd do something like that. I want you to leave it in your suitcase.”

“Well, I wasn't planning to run around the ranch with it. I just thought I should have it in case something happened.” And then she looked at him pointedly and asked him a question. “Are you telling me you don't take one when you go somewhere? I'd feel lost without it.” She knew damn well he would too. They all did.

“That's different. I do relief work.” He looked mildly embarrassed, and she laughed at him, and then he put an arm around her and pulled her closer, but he knew she would never have let him kiss her. “Just be good to yourself. Forget all of us, if you can. If I really need you, I'll call you.”

“Promise you'll do that?” She looked genuinely concerned, and he nodded. It was why she liked leaving her practice in his hands, because he listened, he cared, and he did exactly what she wanted. He didn't try to change the world and turn everything upside down while he was on duty. And he was truly a great doctor, and she knew that. She had always thought he was foolish being satisfied with doing locum tenens.

“I promise you I'll call if anything comes up,” he reassured her again. “Promise me you'll get some rest and come back with pink cheeks and a little fatter, even if you do spend all your time chasing cowboys. Get a little sunshine too, and lots of sleep.”

“Yes, Doctor.” She smiled at him, and she thanked him again for keeping an eye on her practice, and a moment later she walked slowly down the gangway toward the plane. And he waved for as long as he could see her.

He stood watching the plane until it pulled away, and then he walked slowly out of the airport. And almost before he'd reached the door, his beeper went off, and he went to a phone to answer a call from one of her patients. He was off and running. And she was in the air by then, on her way to Wyoming.

The flight to Salt Lake took just over two hours, and she had a two-hour wait then for the next plane, and they had already had a time change. She thought about calling Jade, but she decided it might upset her to hear her voice so soon and not understand where she was. She decided to wait till she got to the ranch instead, and she sat in the airport and drank coffee and read the paper and sat lost in her own thoughts. She so rarely had time to do that. And she mused over the fact that she had heard from Dick Franklin the day before. Much to her surprise, he called her. He had been stunned, and very moved when he got her note. He didn't ask to see her again, but he said that if she needed anything, she should call. He appreciated her honesty, though he wasn't worried, and he assured her that her secret was safe with him. He asked her how it had happened, and she told him, and he said he wasn't surprised. And she had the feeling, when they hung up, that she wouldn't hear from him again. But in her mind, it was just as well. She had no room for him or any man in her life now.

It was a luxury just sitting there on the airplane, without phones, without beepers, without patients, without anyone needing or wanting her, without having to figure out how she could help them. As much as she liked her work, she knew she would really enjoy the vacation. And she really wanted to shore up her energy and her strength. She knew she would need them. She had every intention of continuing her practice till the bitter end. She had already made that decision. She was going to give her patients everything she had to give, until there was nothing left to give them. And Jade too. But she had to figure out what to do about Jade. She had no family to leave her with, and no friends she thought were responsible enough to take good care of her, or else they were people she liked but weren't good with children. She'd been thinking of talking to Tanya, and she had no idea what she'd think of it. But it was a possibility at least. Zoe knew that eventually she had to do something.