"What are you thinking?"

"How selfish I am," Drew said truthfully.

"Selfish?"

Drew stopped walking, facing Jay. "When Jenna asked me to go, I thought it was a little strange, seeing as how we weren't really dating. But I knew it would be a chance to be with you for nearly two weeks." She held her arms out. "Here. Like this. Alone."

When their eyes met, Drew was certain Jay was looking into her soul. She wondered what she saw. Did she believe the half-truth Drew had just shared? Did she think Drew knew more? Could she see the deeply buried desire that Drew had tucked away, far from the surface, thinking it safer to pretend they were just friends, pretend they both weren't struggling with this attraction. What did she see?

"When Katherine first told me you were going, I was... well, I was terrified." She pulled away from Drew. "Silly, I know. I mean, here I thought Katherine wanted to get away to work on our relationship, and I knew if you were here, that wasn't going to happen. You hold my attention more than she does." She turned back to Drew. "And I guess if I truly wanted to work on our relationship, I'd demand that Katherine and I spend time together."

Drew remained quiet, simply watching Jay struggle with her thoughts.

"I've known for quite some time that I wasn't in love with Katherine." Jay moved, starting to walk again. "But eight years, you know. You don't just throw that away without trying."

"No, I don't suppose you do."

"But it's hard to try when the other party is absent. And I mean absent for days. Oh, she came home to grab a few hours sleep, but that was about it." Jay bent down and picked up a broken shell, fingering it for a moment before closing her fist around it. "And I knew the end was really here when we had dinner with you and Jenna that first night. You see, Katherine never made it home for dinner when it was just me, never took time for lunch if it was me. But for Jenna, she made an exception."

"I'm sorry," Drew said.

"Will you quit saying that? I'm not upset, you know. It's not like this is some big shock to me. I mean, I've lived with it for months now." She stopped, turning to face Drew again. "I've been... lonely for months. I don't guess I really realized I was lonely." She looked down, away from Drew. "I didn't like the person I was turning into. I felt broken, defeated... lost." She looked up again. "And all those other negative words associated with failure."

"So you think it's your fault?"

Jay brushed at the strands of hair that had blown in her face, her eyes steady as she looked at Drew. "No. I don't think it was my fault. Not to begin with. But if I cared, if I truly loved her, why would I let it slip away like it was, like I knew it was? We had half-hearted talks about it, but nothing was ever resolved. I was just told to be patient. And I let it go at that." Jay walked again,

Drew beside her, but she stopped suddenly, her eyes boring into Drew. "How long have you known?"

"Oh, Jay, don't."

Jay reached out to take Drew's hand, squeezing her fingers tightly. Drew shivered. It was the first time they had touched like that.

"If you think that I'm angry with you, Drew, that's not the case. And I know we haven't known each other long, but your eyes," she said, her voice soft, "are like a book to me."

Drew turned her hand, entwining her fingers with Jay's, holding them tightly in her own. She tugged, bringing Jay closer. "And what am I thinking now?"

Jay held her gaze, not pulling away. "You're thinking the exact same thing you thought on the day we met."

"And what is that?"

"You're wondering what it would be like to kiss me."

Drew nodded. "So you can read me like a book."

"So tell me, how long have you known?"

Drew relaxed, letting her hand slip away from Jay's. This time, she started them walking down the beach. And this time, she would tell her the truth.

"I asked Jenna about it that night after dinner. She was actually quite embarrassed that I'd picked up on it." Drew looked quickly at Jay. "But she said they weren't having an affair. She said they were talking, getting reacquainted. She said there was still an attraction there, and that they were... talking about it."

Jay nodded but said nothing, still staring off in the distance. Drew stopped her with a light touch on her arm. "I should have said something to you."

"Why? Were they doing anything you and I weren't?"

"Jay, I told you I would never—"

"But we talked about it. We both knew it was there, is still here," she said. "Yet we continue to see each other, to talk, to flirt with each other."

"Jay, it's completely different."

Jay took a step closer, her bare legs brushing against Drew's, her face—her mouth—only inches away. "Is it different? How? I could get lost in your eyes, Drew. Just being around you, like this, I feel things I haven't felt in so many years, it's frightening. And I can just imagine how it would be to make love with you. So how is that different?"

Drew couldn't seem to catch her breath, Jay's words stealing it away from her. She came so close, so close to pulling Jay to her, so close to kissing Jay senseless right here on the beach. Jay was daring her to do just that. It took all of her willpower to step away, to put a little space between them. "Point taken," she said, swallowing down the lump in her throat. "But if you do that again, I'll forget all about my promise to you."

Jay, too, moved away. For a second, she rested her face in her hands, then looked up. "I'm sorry, Drew. That was uncalled for."

Drew smiled. "You came very close, Jay." It was her turn to move closer, her turn to tease. "I've made love to you so many times in my dreams, I know exactly what it would be like."

Jay's eyes slammed shut, and Drew heard the low moan that escaped from her mouth, saw the rapidly throbbing pulse in her neck. Again, she just barely resisted putting her lips there. "Very mean," Jay whispered.

"In lieu of a cold shower, how about a dip in the ocean?" Drew didn't wait for a reply. She pulled her tank off and tossed it on the sand, her shorts following. She strode into the surf, diving into the waves, letting the cool water soothe her aching, throbbing body, chasing the wanton thoughts from her mind.

Jay stared, watching the tanned, lithe body disappear into the ocean. Only then did she let her breath out, only then did she breathe again.

I've made love to you so many times in my dreams. ..

Jay pulled her shirt off and tossed it next to Drew's. There wasn't any point in hiding, not after the words they'd just exchanged. So she lowered her shorts, pushing thoughts of Katherine aside. As she'd told herself earlier, she wasn't going to worry about it. If what she suspected was true, if Katherine and Jenna were having an affair, were even exploring that possibility, then there was nothing she could do about it.

In truth, she didn't want to do anything about it. It was over. All but the official, verbal declaration... nonetheless, it was over.

So she traced Drew's steps into the water, mimicking her actions by diving headfirst into the wave, feeling refreshed and relieved all at the same time. She surfaced, only to have another wave crash into her. She turned her back to the ocean, letting the wave carry her closer to shore, where she could stand. The soft brush against her leg made her gasp, but through the crystal water she saw Drew come up beside her, her body glistening in the sun.

"You okay?"

Jay nodded.

"Do I need to apologize?"

Jay grinned. "Please don't. It's the most sexual activity I've had in months."

"Really? How wonderful."

Jay's reply was lost in the wind as Drew picked her up and held her above the waves, turning circles, making Jay squeal with laughter before Drew tossed her back into the waves. She came up sputtering, reaching for Drew.

"You are dead, Montgomery!"

"You'll have to catch me first!"


CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

"I think I like having Eleu order dinner for us, don't you?" Katherine asked as she passed down the platter of cabbage rolls. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I enjoy a fine restaurant as much as the next person, but can you beat this?"

Jay had to agree. The common area in the garden was alive with a fragrance she couldn't even begin to describe. Everything seemed to be blooming at once and the smells were incredible. Top that off with the water garden nearby, the soothing sound of the tiny waterfall, the mynah birds that still sang from the trees, and the sound of the palm trees blowing in the breeze. It was almost an overload to the senses.

"After the busy day we've had, this is wonderful, Katherine."

I bet it was busy, Jay thought as she glared at Jenna.

"I actually enjoy this much more than a restaurant any day," Drew said. "For one, you don't have to dress."

Jay glanced at her, hiding her smile. Drew was still in her swimsuit, her feet bare.

"Plus, you know, Carlos is still on duty," Drew added, pushing a tiny paper umbrella aside as she brought the glass to her mouth.

"Yes, Carlos tells me you two have been down here for awhile," Katherine said, looking pointedly at Jay. "How was snorkeling?"

Jay glanced at Drew, hating the fact that she felt guilty. They had done nothing wrong. Well, the tiny bit of flirting, that hardly counted. But Drew saved her from answering.

"We didn't make it. Apparently the boat leaves early. Six. So we just hung out here. The water was great, the sun was great, everything was... just great," Drew said, offering a tiny smile to Jay.