But it was mostly about me thinking that it was high time I saw to something I hadn’t seen to since Benny and I got physical.

He frequently went down on me to spectacular results every single time.

Either due to unconsciously avoiding it or the fact that Ben guided things in bed (completely), I’d never returned the favor.

Now, I was.

And I was tense, in my head, knowing he knew from Vinnie that I wasn’t good at it, worried he was thinking the same thing, and trying too hard.

I opened my eyes and looked his way and there it was. I wasn’t good at it. Ben’s face did not look at all like the dark hunger I was used to seeing when we were naked.

“Come here, baby.”

I didn’t want to go there.

I wanted to grab my phone and run to the bathroom, lock myself in, and exist on pizza and Chinese deliveries through the window until I knew Benny was gone and he’d made the decision never to see me again.

“Frankie, come here,” Ben repeated.

I still didn’t move, because I was frozen with humiliation.

I’d been embarrassed a lot in my life.

Like when I was seven and my mother wore that black, slinky, wraparound dress to church that had so much cleavage, it almost showed nipple, and Father Patrick’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he came out to give mass. Not to mention, when he gave it, his face was tight and I knew he was displeased with my mother and the fact that all the men were paying more attention to her breasts than his sermon.

Also the many times my father would run into someone he didn’t get along with too well, and it wouldn’t matter where we were—at a Cubs’ game, at a Burger King—he couldn’t ignore it. He’d say something smartass and the guy would return it and it was never pretty. He’d even once goaded a man who was with his wife and kids and didn’t want to be drawn in. But Dad didn’t stand down until the man had no choice but to call him out.

That one ended bloody, for both men, and not only had Dad done that in front of his kids without thought, he’d pushed that man into doing the same in front of his.

But even with all that, and worse, I was never more embarrassed than I was right then.

This, of course, made me freeze, perpetuating my embarrassment, seeing as I was on all fours close to Benny’s cock, staring at him, unmoving.

“Fuck,” Ben muttered, did an ab curl, grabbed me under my arms, and hauled me up his body. He rolled and covered me.

“I think I need to go to the bathroom,” I whispered, staring into his eyes probably like a deer in a road stared at the light coming its way.

“No you don’t. You need to talk to me. What’s fuckin’ with your head?”

My gaze drifted to his ear.

His hand lifted to my jaw and he ordered, “Frankie, look at me.”

I looked at him.

“What’s in your head?” he asked.

“I’m not good at that,” I admitted.

“Why?” he asked, and I blinked at his absurd question.

If I knew why, I’d be a whole lot better at it.

“Why?” I repeated, not knowing what else to say.

“Yeah, why?”

“Uh…I think you need to give the reasons for that, Benny,” I pointed out the obvious, but even doing it, that didn’t mean at that moment I wanted him to give me the reasons for it.

He shook his head but said (scarily), “You want that, I will, honey. But for now, I wanna know how you go hot and give it your all, lose control at a kiss, but get tense when you’re goin’ down on me.”

“I know you know I’m not good at it,” I explained.

“Okay. Is there more?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

Something moved over his face I didn’t get before he asked, “That shit with your dad eatin’ you?”

I nodded.

“Anything else?” he pushed.

My voice sounded as horrified as I felt when I reminded him, “He said I’d scored ‘the good Bianchi.’”

“Think it’s been proved conclusively that your dad’s an asshole, babe,” Benny replied.

“That comment was more asshole than your garden-variety asshole, Benny,” I noted.

“Think it’s been proved your dad’s more asshole than your garden-variety asshole, Frankie,” Ben returned.

“You looked pissed,” I told him.

“I wasn’t pissed at what he said. He said it and I saw your reaction, and that made me pissed. I also knew what was waitin’ for you inside. He followed me out so I didn’t have my shot at warnin’ you, which made me more pissed. Not to mention, the fuckwad had his hand on me.”

He did.

“I’m sorry, Benny,” I said quietly.

“Why the women in his life apologize for him is beyond me. He’s the asshole, not you.”

“He’s my dad.”

“He’s not. He’s the man whose seed made you. I got a good dad, babe. I know the difference.”

I stared at him, his profound words hitting me.

I was not my father. I did not behave like him. I did not live like him. He helped create me, but now…

Well, now, I was me.

And it was beginning to seep in that I’d been me a long time.

As in…always.

And that was huge.

As huge as it was, naked in bed with Ben after giving him a terrible blowjob that was so bad, Ben felt the need to halt the festivities and have a chat, I didn’t share this latest epiphany.

Instead, I said, “You’re lucky, Benny.”

“I know, Frankie,” Ben stated. “Now enough about him. Is that it?”

“I think so.”

“Work good?”

“Yeah.”

“Your sisters or brother phone you recently?” he went on.

I shook my head.

“Good. So now, do you have any fuckin’ clue how unbelievably hot it is to see you and that body of yours, with all that crazy-beautiful hair all over my gut and thighs, takin’ my cock with your mouth?”

My body jerked, even as I felt a spasm between my legs.

“No,” I whispered.

“Thought I was gonna come just you touchin’ the tip with your lips. You took all of me…fuck.”

With that, his expression changed to the one I was used to when we were naked, and I felt my legs shift restlessly.

“I—” I started, but his face dipped close and I cut myself off.

“Lick, baby,” he whispered, and I felt a surge replace the spasm between my legs. “Taste me. All of me. Take your time. Suck. Glide. Get me wet. Nothin’s off-limits. Look at me while you take me. Watch what you do to me. Or, you want, I’ll get you there with you sittin’ on my face while you go down on me. I got my mouth on you, you won’t think of anything but that and my cock.”

Oh God, I wanted that. And he was right. If his mouth was on me, I wouldn’t think of anything but what he was doing, doing it with him in my mouth.

I kept shifting.

“Or you can kneel in the bed next to me and give me your pussy. I’ll play with you while you suck me off.”

At that, I stopped shifting and started squirming because I wanted that too.

Immediately.

My hands started moving all over Benny.

“Or,” he kept going, “I’ll take my feet, you kneel in front of me, and I’ll do the work and fuck your face.”

And at that, I planted a foot in the bed and rolled him.

“You make a choice?” he asked when I was on top and he was on his back.

“Shut up, Benny.”

He grinned at me.

That grin was a dare.

And I was suddenly feeling like a daredevil.

I moved down his chest and found for the first time, with Benny not taking charge, I had the time to discover that I’d never had before.

And all the magnificence of him was laid out before me, so I took that time with my fingers, with my mouth, with my teeth and tongue. There was a lot of him, all of it solid silk that was unbelievably fascinating. The taste of him thrilling. The feel of his fingers in my hair, or reaching to cop a feel, titillating. The noises he made to the way I made his body shift with turned-on agitation taking me straight out of my head and making me all about what I was doing to Benny.

Making me all about giving him more.

So by the time I reached my destination, I was so ready, I actually wanted to grasp his cock, climb on, and ride it.

Instead, I positioned between his legs and took it in another part of me.

The minute I did, Ben growled.

My eyes shot from what I was doing to his face, his cock still in my mouth.

When they met his heated ones, he groaned, “Fuck, baby.”

Watching him, I slid up then took him as deep as I could.

His legs cocked, his head fell back, I got a view of muscular throat and all that was Benny, and a pulse thrummed between my legs.

I took him again and felt his legs tense beside me.

He liked it.

And suddenly, so did I.

That was when I licked. I stroked. I glided. I used lips, suction, and hand. I got so into it, half the time I was watching him, half the time I was all about sucking him off, going for the groan, seeing him dig his heels in the bed, and I was getting off on this so much that I was near desperate to shove my hand between my legs to take myself there.

I should have let Benny play with my pussy.

I’d have to remember to do that next time, as in, later that night.

This was my thought when I had Ben deep, and I moaned against his cock. Then his cock was gone.

I started to look to him in surprise, but he was already on his knees. Then he was hauling me around and pushing me down so I was facing the end of my bed on all fours.

Then he was driving inside me.

Oh yes. Take two of things we’d never done: doggie-style.