My stomach dropped, my heart squeezed, and I leaned into him to hiss, “Stop bein’ awesome.”

He threw his head back and laughed, showing me he didn’t intend to stop being awesome because he looked good and sounded good doing it.

When he was down to chuckling, his hand darted across the table and closed around mine. Twisting, he forced his fingers to lace through mine and rested our hands on the table.

Once he’d accomplished that, he looked into my eyes and stated, “Been waitin’ years for this, baby. Thanks for makin’ it worth the wait.”

“You’re still bein’ awesome,” I informed him.

“Yeah, and it’s cute as fuck that annoys you.”

“Now you’re bein’ awesome and insane,” I shared.

His head cocked slightly to the side. “A man likes what he likes. I’m a man who likes you and your attitude.”

“Whatever,” I muttered, even though I liked that he liked that and I liked it a lot.

“What makes you happy?” he asked suddenly, and I felt my body jolt at the question, not just because it was sudden, but because it was unexpectedly weighty.

“What?”

“What makes you happy? What do you want outta life?”

“I…” I started, then changed what I was going to say. “Why do you ask?”

“’Cause I wanna know if it’s in me to give it to you.”

God.

Benny.

“Ben,” I whispered.

“I want kids. Three, four. Boys and girls, but however they come, doesn’t matter to me,” he put out there. “That’s it. I’m good at the restaurant. Comfortable with the money I got in the bank. I get the kids, eventually gotta buy a bigger house. And told you the woman I wanted. So there it is. That’s what I want outta life. That’s what would make me happy.”

He gave me that. No coaxing, no bullshit, no games, no holding shit back, waiting to see where I was and if I fit.

What he wanted was simple.

And beautiful.

When I said nothing, he pushed, “You want kids?”

“Yeah,” I replied.

“How many?”

“Don’t really care, but more than one.”

His fingers tightened in mine for a moment before he went on, “You like your work?”

“Yeah.”

“Wanna keep it or be a stay-at-home mom?”

“I don’t know. I figure I’ll know when the first kid comes.”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Do you want your kids’ ma to be stay-at-home?” I asked.

“Want her to be happy,” he answered. “So don’t give a fuck just as long as she gets that. Whatever way it turns out, we’ll deal.”

More awesome.

“I’m moving to Indianapolis, Benny,” I blurted, my hand tensing in his. “I have to. I—”

His hand gave mine a light jerk. “That’s not the next minute, baby.”

I shut my mouth.

“That’s on your mind, I’ll say this,” he went on. “You want that prize, you gotta work for it. And if there are obstacles in your way, you deal with them when you hit them. You find a way. We wanna work at this, we’ll find a way.”

It was a big obstacle to face.

In light of that, it was also the perfect thing to say.

“Okay,” I said softly.

His thumb moved, stroking the side of my hand, and he asked, “You good with our talk earlier?”

“Mostly,” I answered.

“Which part are you not good with?”

“All the parts that are still awkward and uncomfortable,” I told him, meaning the whole of it.

His head cocked to the side again. “Vinnie bring you here?”

I shook my head.

“I brought Connie here.”

My breath stuttered and I stared into his eyes.

“You have a past, I have a past,” Benny stated. “You loved a man. I had a woman who meant something to me. That was then, Frankie, this is now. It’s just that your man was my brother. We can make that an issue or we can decide to let it go.”

“It’s easy for you to let it go?” I asked.

“No, but not because he had you. Not because you were in my life in a different way and I had to watch you love him and lose him. Because he didn’t do right by you and that pisses me off. That said, I figure that’ll eventually fade too.”

“You wanted to go out with me in high school,” I noted, not even knowing why I did it, but Ben must have known because his thumb stopped stroking and his fingers got tight in mine again.

“Loved my brother, thought you were the shit, you were with him, didn’t let my mind go there. Last couple of weeks, I let my mind go there. I held no jealousy at the time. That doesn’t mean when it started with you two it wasn’t a blow because I fucked that up back in the day. You were around and available and I didn’t do shit for years about it and Vinnie got in there because I was dickin’ around. But when you were with him, that went away because it had to. Bottom line now, it brings me no joy you lost what you lost when you lost him. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m glad I got my shot. I could feel guilt about that, but that’s not on either of us. That’s on Vinnie. And in the end, it’s just the way it is.”

“But you said you were thinkin’ of makin’ a move on me when I was with Vinnie,” I pointed out.

He nodded once. “Could have guilt about that too, but that isn’t on me either. He made his choices and he was my brother, but I knew you deserved better. It got to the point where shit was not right with you two and it wasn’t gonna get better. So it got to the point where I started to realize I wanted to give it to you.”

I looked away, but his hand shaking mine made me look back and he kept going.

“You were not with Vinnie but some other asshole who didn’t do right by you, I woulda done the same thing. I woulda moved in. Some might say that would be a dick move, brother or not, but I don’t give a fuck. I would not have any guilt about that either. It’s the same fuckin’ thing, except that asshole happened to be my brother. Take Vinnie out of the equation, Frankie, and you end up with a man who treats you right. That is not wrong. You could spit fire or talk at me for a year and you wouldn’t convince me it was.”

“Do your parents understand what this is?” I asked in a voice that was barely a whisper.

“Yes,” he answered in a voice that was not.

“And they’re okay with it?” Now my voice was quiet but squeaky.

“They got more years than us. They know you’re a good woman. They want you to be happy. And they sure as fuck want me to be happy. They’ve done enough judging when it was not their place and the judgments they cast were fucked. They learned, honey. It is not lost on them that life is life and the goal is to gather as much happiness as you can while you’re livin’ it. Things mighta gone differently if I made a move while my brother was alive. They mighta frowned on that. Then again, they knew in their guts he was doin’ you wrong so they might not. We’ll never know. Right now, there is no one to hurt in this scenario ’cause the one who woulda got hurt is dead.”

“You have all the answers,” I noted, but not in a sarcastic way. It was just that he did have all the answers, answers to difficult issues I thought had none at all.

“That’s because there are answers to be had.”

“Why do those answers come easy for you?”

“Because I’m not makin’ them hard.”

I felt my brows knit. “Do you think that’s what I’m doing?”

“I think you loved my brother and you think you’re betrayin’ his memory by lettin’ yourself have what you want, goin’ there with me. But his memory is a memory, baby. There is nothin’ to betray. It boils down to a decision you make about what you want. And I know I’m hammerin’ this point home, but it’s a point that’s there for me to hammer. That is, he betrayed you before he got taken from this world. So my question is, why, when he’s gone, would you keep the faith?”

“You’re very angry at him,” I whispered, not having a good feeling about what Ben was making plain and not having that good feeling for a variety of reasons.

“Yeah. ’Cause I loved him and I’m pissed he’s dead. I’m pissed why he’s dead. I’m pissed at myself for what I did to you after he died. I’m pissed at what he did to you and my folks and my family before he died. I gotta work through that and I will. But don’t twist that shit in your head to make what I want from you to be about that. I knew a girl in high school who was sweet and spicy and I pissed away my chance with her back then because I was young and stupid. Years later, after I learned not to be stupid, I got my shot, so I’m takin’ it. Vinnie just happens to be what happened to you in between. It sucks because it makes it harder for you, but that’s what it is to me. He made this complicated. But that’s it. Now it’s just you and me.”

Listening to him, letting all he was saying sink in, I felt my breath escalating, but in a way where it felt I was finally getting oxygen after ages where I wasn’t able to breathe.

“You’re saying all the right things.” I said this as a defensive accusation because I wanted to breathe; I’d just been living without oxygen so long I didn’t trust it.

“No, I’m not. I’m sayin’ things that are right.”

Instantly, his words forced a giggle to burst out of me that I couldn’t hold back.

Benny was grinning at me when he asked, “That’s funny?”

“It was the right thing to say,” I explained, grinning at him back.

Taking in my grin, suddenly, he tugged my hand across the table and I watched in utter fascination as his dark head bent over it, then felt the utter exquisiteness of his lips brushing my fingers.

He kept tight hold of my hand, even as his eyes lifted to mine.

“Coupla weeks ago, you trailin’ me back to Chicago, you pulled off to follow Vi, I felt fear, baby. Came out as anger, but it was fear that cut right down to the bone. Sal told me they got you, it carved out my insides. Couldn’t think, ’cause I knew if I did, I’d think of wastin’ my time, not sortin’ shit out with you. Hit that forest, saw you on the ground draggin’ yourself through those leaves. Only thing that stopped me unloading my clip in that motherfucker was Vi shoutin’, and you looked in my eyes and mouthed her words, makin’ a fuckin’ joke. Pure fuckin’ Frankie. I have never loved a woman, not in my life, not like that. Honest to Christ, you’re crazy-beautiful and I was into you, but I don’t know where that emotion came from. I just know that whatever that is I felt that day meant something and that something is huge. So I wanna know the good parts of feelin’ that. All I’m askin’ is for you to let me.”