Lucy Gordon - The Pregnancy Bond

‘Come and have a pizza with me before you go,’ he said.

‘Lovely. I’ll just let Jake know.’

But when she called she got the answer-machine. She left Jake a message, saying she’d be late.

‘He’s probably slipped out to get a Chinese meal from the place on the corner,’ she told Carl. ‘Let’s go.’

Over pizza he described his Italian trip. He was a good talker and his descriptions made her feel that doors and windows were opening for her. In this way the time slipped by without her noticing, until she looked at her watch and realised that she’d been there for three hours.

‘Jake will wonder if I’ve been abducted by aliens,’ she said, taking out her phone and hastily dialling.

But again she got the answer-machine.

‘That’s strange,’ she mused. ‘He can’t have been out all this time.’

‘Why not? He was well enough to go out that night I came over. He must be even better now.’

‘Actually he’s not. In fact he seems a little peaky-’ She stopped and a horrible fear rushed over her. ‘Carl, I’ve got to get home quickly.’

He didn’t argue, but hurried out with her and sped her home in his car. As she got out she looked up to her own windows and saw a faint light, which increased her apprehension.

‘Kelly, there’s nothing to worry about,’ Carl urged as they went up in the lift. ‘He came home from wherever he was and forgot to switch the answer-machine off before he went to bed.’

‘Yes, of course,’ she said eagerly, but she still ran out of the lift to her front door.

The flat was very quiet. There was no sign of Jake, but there was a light under his door. Quietly she pushed it open, and was briefly reassured by the sight of him lying in bed. She went to him and touched him on the shoulder, making him turn to face her. What she saw made her hurry out to Carl.

‘Call an ambulance, fast,’ she said tersely, and ran back at once.

Jake’s face was a horrible greyish colour, much as when she’d first seen him in hospital. His eyes glittered as if with pain, and he stared at Kelly as though wondering who she was.

‘Jake, Jake,’ she wept. ‘Oh, God, why didn’t I get home sooner?’

She took his hand. It was dry and hot.

‘Kelly?’ he whispered.

‘What happened to you?’

His lips moved painfully. ‘I’m all right. Did you have a good day at college?’

‘Damn college!’ she said violently. ‘And damn you for not telling me you were ill! You weren’t well this morning, were you?’

‘Bit grim,’ he admitted in a harsh whisper. ‘Your first day back-didn’t want to spoil-’

‘Shut up!’ she said. ‘Shut up, shut up! How could you have been so stupid?’

‘Just comes naturally, I guess.’

She was torn by self-condemnation. If he’d been stupid, so had she, to be fooled by the mask he presented.

‘How long have you been bad?’ she demanded fiercely.

‘A few niggles for the past few weeks.’

‘But why didn’t you say?’

‘We were having such a great time-I looked forward to your vacation-just us-no college. Didn’t want to miss it.’

‘I should have seen it this morning,’ she said bitterly. ‘But I was so full of myself-’

‘But that’s right,’ he said, grasping her wrist with a hand that felt alarmingly hot. ‘You ought to be full of yourself. It’s your turn. That’s what we said.’

‘I don’t care what we said any more,’ she told him passionately. ‘Do you think any of that matters? Jake, I lov-’

‘Kelly,’ Carl’s voice came urgently from the door. ‘They’re here.’

And suddenly the paramedics were in the room, taking over, lifting Jake onto a stretcher, hurrying him away to the waiting ambulance. And the dangerous moment was past.

She went with him to the hospital, not daring to speculate on what might have happened. She caught a brief glimpse of Dr Ainsley, but he was gone in a moment, hurrying to Jake’s side. Carl, who’d followed the ambulance, had joined her by the time Dr Ainsley returned, smiling and reassuring.

‘He’s got a massive infection. That’s not good, but it’ll be OK now I’ve pumped some antibiotics into him. What puzzles me is that he must have been feeling grim for a while and said nothing. He should have been back in here before this.’

‘Did you ask him why?’

‘Yes, but he only muttered something about Easter that I didn’t understand. He’s too fever-ridden just now to make sense. Maybe he’ll tell you later.’

‘Can I see him?’

‘Just for a minute.’

She went quietly into Jake’s room. He seemed to be asleep, so she sat beside him. Only now could she relax enough to consider Jake’s astonishing words.

We were having such a great time-just us.

If he’d admitted his illness earlier he’d have spent her Easter vacation in the hospital, and they would have missed the sweet friendship of the last few weeks.

Jake stirred and opened his eyes. ‘Hi,’ he murmured.

‘Are you feeling any better?’ she asked tenderly.

‘A lot. Do you want to go on being mad at me?’

‘No, we’ll take that as read. I’m sorry about this morning-yesterday morning now, I suppose. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. You were rotten to me because you were feeling bad. You should have said something.’

‘Yeah, like burden you on your first day back.’

‘So when were you going to say something?’

‘I thought I’d call the hospital when you’d gone, but I went to sleep. After that I couldn’t find the energy. I put the answer-machine on and went to bed. When I awoke I got your message-’

‘And you were waiting for me all that time? If only I’d known!’

‘I didn’t want you to know. By the way, did I see Carl in the flat, or was I hallucinating?’

‘No, he was there. We went for a pizza and he drove me home.’

‘Good for him. Is he waiting for you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Fine, then he can take you home.’

‘All right.’ She rose, meaning to lean over and kiss his forehead, but he’d already closed his eyes and turned away.

Carl was waiting. On the way home she explained everything.

‘He’s been sick for weeks and kept it quiet?’ he exclaimed. ‘Why would he be so dumb?’

‘He’s not dumb,’ she said fiercely. ‘He just wanted to be with me during the vacation. I think that’s great of him.’

‘So do I, dumb but great.’

After that he wisely fell silent.

She didn’t sleep that night. She was tortured by the memory of Jake’s face as he saw her off, saying, ‘Don’t be late home.’ It had been a plea. Why hadn’t she understood that? Instead she’d flown at him, and he’d thrown up his hands in a kind of self-defence, too ill to fight her further.

I was supposed to be taking care of him, she thought wretchedly. A fine nurse I make!

She barely concentrated at college next day, and left at the first moment, clutching books and heading for the hospital. Her head was full of things she needed to say to Jake.

He was a good colour, and she could see the antibiotics were taking effect.

‘Sure I’m better,’ he said in answer to her question. ‘You know me-bounce back from anything.’

‘You might not have bounced back from this. Dr Ainsley said things were getting serious.’

‘OK, OK, I got macho, wouldn’t admit I was sick, and now I’m paying the price. I’m sorry if I was a nuisance.’

‘You weren’t a nuisance. I really enjoyed the last few weeks, and I was glad to have you there-’

‘We aim to please. I’m getting quite good at breathing exercises.’

Something determinedly bright in his voice made her look at him closely, and she saw what she dreaded. He was wearing his good humour like a mask. It kept her out.

Before she left Dr Ainsley told her, ‘The infection stopped him digesting properly, that’s why he’s stayed so thin. I’ll keep him here a couple of weeks, and when he goes home he should make giant strides. How are you managing? Is he a trial-apart from this, I mean?’

‘No, it’s been lovely,’ Kelly said. ‘Especially these last few weeks.’

‘When he goes home it’ll be better still.’

But she doubted that. Those few weeks alone together had been a wonderful time, but they were over.

She knew she’d been right when Jake left the hospital looking fitter than at any time since he was wounded. In the early days of his convalescence the hours and days had passed slowly, but now she found the time beginning to speed past. At last she could see that Jake’s strength was coming back. He gained weight, his voice grew stronger, he was more like the old Jake Lindley.

He seemed conscious of it too, for there were no more of the intimate chats she’d come to rely on. His attention was turning outwards again, and she knew that was a good sign. He was friendly, kind and cooperative, but their past history might not have existed.

Any day now he would be ready to leave her and return to the life of success, glitter and Olympia. When that time came she would accept it without bitterness, thankful for what they had enjoyed, which had been so much better than she had dared to hope.

WITH every day Kelly found her new self becoming more settled, more truly her. There was no going back to that uncertain girl who’d waited on Jake’s decisions. This mature woman made her own decisions, and if they hurt that was all the more reason for carrying them out decisively.

So as she saw Jake recovering, reaching the point where he would inevitably leave her, she decided to make the first move. Pride demanded it, and pride would soon be all she had to sustain her.

One day she said, ‘Isn’t it time you made a serious effort with Olympia?’

‘What exactly do you mean by that?’

‘Oh, come on, Jake. She’s one of the “movers and shakers”, isn’t she? You always said they were the people who counted. It’s time you were moving and shaking with her.’