He winced. ‘That was just to suit my own convenience,’ he said harshly. ‘I couldn’t bear to speak about it, so I made it impossible for you. It was an act of pure selfishness, didn’t you know that?’

She rested her head against his shoulder. ‘I can’t really remember now.’

He moved his free hand upwards until it found her face, cupping her cheek. Then he leaned his head down against her hair.

‘Kelly, I’m sorry for everything,’ he said quietly.

‘Don’t be. You were right. Brooding’s no use. It wastes time. You have to think of what lies ahead of you.’

‘Do you know what does lie ahead of you?’

‘No. Not for a while yet. Maybe next week. If I’m still pregnant by next Tuesday-’

‘Hush!’ he stopped her quickly. ‘You will be. I know that. I know it with total certainty. I promise you have nothing to worry about.’

She thumped him weakly on the shoulder. ‘You so-and-so,’ she said. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying. You’ve no idea about babies or pregnancy, and you talk as though you’re handing the word down from the mountain. So why do I believe you? Why can you make me believe you when I know you’re talking through your hat?’

‘Talking through my hat is what I’m good at,’ he said wryly. ‘My one and only skill. I’ve built a career on it, and I thought maybe I could put it to good use for a change. But I never fooled you. Still, it can be true, even if it’s only me saying it. You’re going to have this baby safely,’ he repeated insistently, trying to convince her, not just with his voice but with the comforting warmth of his arms. ‘And you can do the things you meant to the first time. You’ll have it all back, everything you lost then.’

At once he knew he’d made a false step. Kelly tensed and drew away from him.

‘What is it?’ he asked anxiously.

‘You don’t understand. I can’t have back what I lost then. That child is gone for ever.’

‘But you’ll have this child-’

‘A different one. Not a replacement for the other. She’ll always be my first child, my daughter, as long as I live.’

‘Ah yes, I remember. You said it would have been a girl.’

‘It was a girl,’ Kelly insisted. ‘Not would have been, was. She was a real person to me, even though she didn’t quite make four months. She was real, and she died before I even knew her. All the time I was miscarrying I tried to talk to her, to tell her to hang on because her mother loved her. But then it was too late, so I said goodbye and told her that I always had loved her, and always would. But I don’t know if she heard me.’ Kelly’s voice was suddenly thick with tears.

‘Of course she did,’ Jake said fiercely. ‘Not heard, but felt what you were saying, sensed it. She knew. You have to believe that.’

‘I try. Thank you for telling me that.’

I should have told you then, he thought, but I didn’t know any of this.

He longed to ask if she’d told their child that he too loved her, but he no longer had any right. And he was afraid that Kelly, in her uncompromising honesty, would give him an answer he couldn’t bear.

‘And if the worst comes to the worst,’ he added hesitantly, ‘you’re not alone. You’ve still got-your brother.’ His arms tightened about her.

‘Yes,’ she murmured comfortably. ‘I always wanted a brother. Maybe it was because I didn’t have a father, but I used to dream of someone I could talk to, and who’d be strong for me, and perhaps need me too. I was just a burden to my mother, and I thought how nice it would be to have a brother who’d rely on me as much as I relied on him.’ She tightened her arms about Jake. ‘Who’d have thought it would turn out to be you?’

‘I don’t know that I’m any better as a brother than I was as a husband,’ he said sombrely.

‘You came looking for me tonight. You’re solid and you’re here.’

‘Which is more than I was-’

‘Hush,’ she stopped him. ‘We’ve covered all that, and it doesn’t matter any more.’

‘No,’ he said quietly, ‘I suppose it doesn’t.’ He bent his head to kiss the top of her hair. ‘Kelly,’ he murmured, ‘Kelly, Kelly… I’m so sorry.’

She looked up at him. ‘No need to be sorry, Jake. You made me very happy, lots of times.’

‘But not all the time.’

‘There isn’t really any such thing as all the time,’ she said wisely. ‘We shouldn’t ask for it.’

‘No, I guess not,’ he sighed. ‘But it was good now and then, wasn’t it?’

‘Oh, yes, yes, the best thing in the world.’ A radiant smile broke over her face and Jake drew in his breath.

Very gently he laid his lips against her forehead, kissing her like the brother he was supposed to be, and they clung together contentedly until a shout startled them.

‘Oi!’ They looked up to find a uniformed man standing a few feet away. ‘I’m closing up now,’ he called. ‘You two go and do your courting somewhere else.’

Jake could have cheerfully strangled the man for ruining the precious moment, but Kelly gave a choke of laughter.

‘We’re going,’ Jake called hastily, helping her to her feet. Then his sense of humour returned. ‘Courting! If we told him the truth he wouldn’t believe it.’

‘Nobody would believe it,’ she agreed. ‘You have to be mad to understand.’

‘And we always were.’

As they strolled away the lights began to go off. ‘It was nice being mad together,’ he mused.

‘Mmm. It was lovely.’

‘Come on.’ He tried to hurry her. ‘It’s too cold out here for you.’

‘You too. I’m supposed to be looking after you, remember?’

‘Guess we’ll have to look after each other.’

‘For a while.’

‘Yes-for a while.’

Kelly had said ‘next Tuesday’ and in her mind that was always the cut-off date. If she could hold out five more days, then four, then three, two…

On Monday night she worked late, reading first one book then another. The print passed under her eyes without her taking anything in. She knew what she was doing, making an excuse not to go to bed, because if she had to lie looking into the darkness the terrors would get worse.

There was a thin line of light under Jake’s door, and she found herself looking at it with resentment. If he was up, why didn’t he come and talk to her? That was what brothers were for, wasn’t it?

Then her resentment died. This was the way she’d chosen it, with Jake kept at arm’s length. She hadn’t even told him the crucial fact that she was due to have an ultrasound scan the next day. She’d meant to, but somehow there had always seemed a good reason for not bothering him.

She sighed, telling herself to stop playing games and face the truth. It was her pride that held her silent. He might have thought she was asking him to involve himself more deeply in the pregnancy, and what she dreaded most was to see him being determinedly polite to cover his reluctance.

She took a deep breath, telling herself firmly not to give in to weakness. She put the books tidily away and went to her room, with a last hopeful glance at Jake’s door. The strip of light was still there, but nothing was moving. She closed her own bedroom door very quietly.

Even so, Jake heard the faint sound. He’d detected every movement she made and knew when she riffled through books or paced the floor. He’d left his light on deliberately, so that she would know he was up. At any moment, he was sure she would knock and say she needed him. Perhaps she would even tell him about the scan she was having tomorrow, about which he would never have known if he hadn’t found the letter by chance. It would happen. All he had to do was wait.

But he waited and waited, until at last he knew that waiting was useless. He heard her bedroom door close, and then there was nothing to do but put out the light.

At the hospital next day Kelly went to Maternity and presented her card. While the receptionist tapped the computer she looked around the waiting room, and stared, with growing happiness, at what she saw.

‘Jake? What are you doing here?’

He came forward from where he’d been hanging back in the crowd. He looked awkward and self-conscious.

‘Thought I’d hold your hand,’ he said gruffly. ‘I’ll go away if you don’t want me.’

Only now did she know how very much she had wanted him. And he had sensed it, and come here to be with her. A surge of emotion welled up in her without warning and she had to fight back tears.

‘Kelly, are you all right?’ He put his hands on her shoulders, looking alarmed.

‘I’m fine,’ she said huskily, annoyed with herself for nearly losing control. ‘I’m pregnant. I’m allowed to have idiotic moods.’

‘I don’t think they’re idiotic. What do you want me to do?’

‘Stay. Please stay.’ She slipped her hand into his as though to keep him there. As he guided her to a seat she said, ‘But how did you know?’

‘I found the letter lying around. I didn’t mean to pry but-well, I suppose I did. I’m sorry. But you might have told me.’

‘Yes, I should have done. Why were you hiding in the background?’

‘I thought Carl might be with you.’

‘No, he just dropped me off at the end of the road. He had a meeting to get to, something to do with his Easter dig.’

‘What’s that?’

‘He’s off studying ruins in Italy over the Easter vacation.’

‘I think someone’s trying to attract your attention,’ Jake said, seeing a nurse waving.

She ushered them into a small room with a bed and a scanning machine.

‘Ms Harmon?’ she said. ‘And this is-?’

‘My brother,’ Kelly said quickly.

‘Right, Mr Harmon, if you’d like to sit here.’

‘I’m not-’ he started to say, then bit his lip and fell silent.

‘If you’d lie down there…’ The nurse indicated the couch.

Kelly hesitated for a moment, her eyes fixed on the couch. Jake understood. It was a strange sensation because he’d never understood before. He’d loved Kelly and been good to her within the limits of his nature, but the workings of her heart and mind had always been shrouded by a curtain of mystery. When she’d tried to tell him he’d grown tense because he often couldn’t follow what she was saying. And she’d known, and stopped trying.