20. Make a big donation to charity

The private room at Oasis was packed. People sat at cocktail tables and stood around holding drinks and plates of food. When Martucci and I walked in, a woman named Norma-I remembered her as the Weight Watchers leader who’ d given Marissa her lifetime pin the night she died-was near the bar, in the midst of telling a story into a handheld microphone. The fact that it ended with, ‘ And from that day forward, every woman in the group practically stripped naked before weighing in’ -followed by a roar of laughter from the crowd-gave me an indication of the overall mood. It was, as Kitty Jones had hoped, a party.

We grabbed beers from a bartender near the back and then made our way to the table where Susan and Brie sat with Sebastian and Kip.

‘ I was starting to worry you weren’ t coming,’  Susan said, pulling purses off a couple of chairs she’ d been saving. ‘ What happened to your shoes?’

‘ Don’ t ask.’

As I sat down, Troy relieved Norma of the microphone. He was in jeans and a button-down shirt, his hair recently cut-but it didn’ t incite lust in me as much as it made me want to pinch his cheeks.

‘ Anybody else who wants to share,’  Troy said, ‘ feel free to come on up.’  He held out the microphone.

Brie gave me a nudge. ‘ Go up there.’

A girl trotted to the microphone, buying me time. She introduced herself as a school friend of Marissa’ s and started to tell a story about how she and Marissa used to pass notes in algebra class.

‘ June doesn’ t have to talk if she doesn’ t want to,’  Susan said quietly to everyone at the table, as if I weren’ t there.

‘ The fact that she showed up is plenty,’  Sebastian agreed.

Martucci took a swig of his beer. ‘ Of course she should talk. She’ s the reason they’ re having this party in the first place.’

‘ I am not!’  I hissed. As if I needed that kind of pressure! ‘ They’ re having it because Marissa wrote a list to be completed by her twenty-fifth birthday& which, by the way, it isn’ t. Completed, that is.’

Brie shook her head. ‘ Eighteen down, two left to go. What a shame.’

‘ Actually,’  I said, unable to suppress a proud smile, ‘ only one left to go.’

‘ You found Buddy Fitch?’  Sebastian said, excited enough that he forgot to whisper. A few heads turned our way, and I shushed him.

‘ No, I still have to do that one.’

‘ Then what-? How-? I mean, I thought& ‘

As Sebastian flustered, Brie took the opportunity to elbow me. ‘ Your man, Troy, is looking mighty fine.’

‘ The brother?’  Kip asked. ‘ You’ ve got something going on with the brother?’

‘ That’ s dishy,’  Sebastian said with obvious interest.

‘ There’ s nothing between Troy and me.’

‘ At least not yet,’  Brie taunted. ‘ The night is young.’

‘ Yeah,’  Martucci piped up, a little roughly even for him. ‘ Now that you’ re not going to adopt a baby, he’ ll probably be interested again.’

Susan grunted in disgust on my behalf. ‘ Leave her alone.’

‘ It’ s not what you think,’  I said, wanting to clarify, and for some reason I turned to Martucci. ‘ He’ s just messed up about losing his sister-they were close. I kind of feel sorry for him.’

‘ Did I miss something?’  Susan asked. ‘ Are you and Troy a thing?’

‘ Nah,’  I said. Troy had again taken the microphone and was holding it out for whoever might speak next. ‘ He’ s a nice guy,’  I said, rising from the table. ‘ But to be honest, he’ s not my type.’

I claimed the microphone from Troy, who gave me a brief kiss on the cheek before going back to stand near his family. I blew out a breath, trying to calm my nerves, and then faced the crowd of sixty or so people. I hadn’ t written a speech. Sure, I’ d given it plenty of times in my imagination-but when I had, it was always about finishing the list. The speech I’ d mentally rehearsed over and over was one of triumph-the list a wrapped gift I’ d present to a grieving family. I was going to have to wing this one.

‘ Hi, I’ m June Parker,’  I said, surveying the room. I recognized faces from the funeral, although that day now seemed a lifetime ago. ‘ As some of you may know, I was the one who was in the car accident with Marissa. What you may not know is that I discovered that Marissa had written a very special list. On it were twenty things she planned to do by her birthday& today.’  I paused, and there was a murmur from the crowd. This was news to most, I could tell.

‘ In honor of Marissa’ s memory, I set out to complete the list. She already had crossed off two of the tasks herself. One of them was to lose a hundred pounds, a goal she reached and, as I understand, was very proud of. Luckily for me, not all the tasks were so challenging. The other one that Marissa did on her own was to wear a pair of great, sexy shoes& ‘  I smiled, glancing down at my stocking feet. ‘ Which was too bad, because I wouldn’ t have minded doing that one myself.’

That received a few chuckles, and I gazed out into a sea of smiling, open faces. This was not going to be a tough crowd by any means; they were eager to hear how Marissa’ s dreams came true. I only hoped my unsuccessful attempt wouldn’ t disappoint them too much.

‘ I didn’ t have a chance to get to know Marissa,’  I continued. ‘ The Marissa I’ m familiar with is the one who wrote the list, and from it, I know she must have been an amazing person.’

There were several nods to that.

Not sure what to say next, I asked, ‘ I suppose you want to know what was on the list?’

A smattering of applause and a chorus of ‘ Yeah!’  answered me.

‘ Let’ s see& ,’  I said, starting to loosen up. ‘ There was trying boogie boarding. Getting a massage. Going on a blind date. Making a big donation to charity. Taking her mom and grandma’ -I glanced over to where the family sat, and Kitty gave me a wink-’ to see the great Wayne Newton in concert.’  That got an ‘ Awwww& ‘  and some applause, and I scanned my brain for the others. Even though the list had been such a huge part of the last year of my life, I was having a rough time recalling everything.

‘ There were more,’  I said, ‘ but I want to tell you about the most important one& the one that I believe was even bigger to Marissa than losing the weight. She’ d written on her list that she wanted to change someone’ s life. Those of you who were close to Marissa probably realize how that would have been dear to her heart. Everyone tells me what a giving person she was.

‘ So I set out to try to change someone’ s life-which I’ m sure you can agree is no small order. I wanted to do something special, and I thought I had the right thing. I’ d managed to find a way to help a family desperate for a baby to adopt one from a teenage girl who couldn’ t keep her baby herself. Only& ‘  I realized I was getting far more personal than I’ d intended to, and I was having a difficult time choking out the words. ‘ It didn’ t work out. The girl kept the baby, and the couple& well, they’ re still childless.’

I caught the eye of an elderly woman who had that deer-in-the-headlights look of someone who senses a speech is about to veer into a very ugly direction. I figured I’ d better cut to the chase. ‘ And yet changing someone’ s life is still crossed off the list. To explain why, I’ ll have to tell you something I’ m not exactly thrilled to admit. Because the truth is, before I started doing this list, I hadn’ t made much of my own life. In fact, a person who in recent months has become a very close friend-someone who has been there when I needed him and whose opinion I’ ve grown to truly value and respect-said he always felt I was just going through the motions. As much as I hated to hear it, he was right.

‘ Part of the reason I did the list was so I could feel what it was like to have purpose and direction the way Marissa did. I had no idea whether I’ d finish it, and I’ ll have to confess right now that I didn’ t. There’ s one item I still have to do. But that’ s the point I’ m trying to make. On my way over here, I was still trying to finish the list. Even though I hadn’ t completed it on time, I wasn’ t going to give up.’

The last few words came out as a squeak. Tears welled in my eyes. I heard Kitty say, ‘ You’ re doing fine, sweetie.’

My voice quavering, I said, ‘ What I realized is that I didn’ t need to change anyone’ s life. Because Marissa changed mine. She’ s taught me what it means to value life. To try. To put myself out there for something that’ s important to me.

‘ I’ d hoped to come here tonight to tell you about what I’ d done for Marissa& but the best I can do is say how truly grateful I am for all she’ s given me. I’ ll never forget it. And I’ ll never, ever take it for granted.’

With that, I set down the microphone and padded back to my seat with the crowd cheering and whooping. Susan greeted me with one of her bone-crushing hugs, and Sebastian and Kip were both sobbing.

‘ Best fucking speech I ever heard,’  Martucci said, using his thumb to wipe a tear from my face.

Brie said, snuffling, ‘ That’ s it, I’ m going to do me a list.’

A guy bearing bagpipes who said he was in the marching corps with Marissa came to the front of the room, saying he wanted to play her favorite song, ‘ Amazing Grace.’  We listened attentively because, frankly, it’ s hard to have a conversation with bagpipes blaring. After he finished, and not getting any more takers on the microphone, Troy thanked people for coming. ‘ Please stick around,’  he announced. ‘ There’ s still a ton of food. Plus, we’ ll be cutting the cake soon.’

The jukebox kicked on as Norma came up to the table. She was eating a piece of pie. Considering she was a Weight Watchers leader, I admired how she didn’ t feel the need to apologize for it.