“It is urgent business,” he said.

I wanted to share everything and was disappointed that he did not tell me the nature of this urgent business.

So he went away and I felt very lonely, which was silly of me. He would soon be back, I assured myself. Perhaps that very day.

He did not return that day.

I noticed that there was a great deal of whispering and giggling among the ladies. I guessed something amusing, interesting — perhaps scandalous — was taking place at the court, and I felt shut out. How frustrating it was not to be able to interpret the words…to feel excluded.

I was preparing to retire that night and found myself alone with Lady Suffolk, and in faltering English I asked what had happened to amuse the ladies.

She hesitated and I thought she was going to say she did not understand, as I fancied she might do if she thought the subject was not for my ears.

Then suddenly she seemed to make up her mind. She said slowly and clearly, so that I understood most of what she said: “It is something which has happened to one of the ladies.”

“Something…of scandal…is that the word?”

“It is the word, Your Majesty…and it fits the case perfectly.”

“Tell me…”

She looked puzzled for a moment and then she said: “Oh, this lady has left her husband.”

“And that is this…scandal?”

“In the circumstances, yes.”

“What are this circumstances?”

“She has just given birth to a baby boy.”

“And this?”

“Well…Your Majesty. Her husband is a Catholic, and the child has been baptized in the Catholic faith.”

“And…and this is Protestant country.”

“It is not that so much. The lady says that her husband has no right because the boy is not his. And she is leaving him…her husband, I mean.”

“I do not understand.”

“It is not easy to explain, Your Majesty.”

“But she leave because the child is baptized in the Catholic faith?”

“Yes, she says he has no right. The child should not be baptized as a Catholic just because he is…”

I looked at her in puzzlement. “Because…why is because?”

“She says his father is a very important man and not a Catholic. So she has left her husband, packed up her jewels and possessions of value and taken the child away.”

“And this…amuses?”

“Well, the lady does provide amusement.”

“Because she is a woman who has a child…not her husband’s?”

“That…and other things.”

“So what will be now?”

“That is what everyone waits to see.”

“She is one of the ladies of the court. Then I will know her?”

“Oh, no, Madam. She had been away from the court…having the baby, you see.”

“Who is she? What her name?”

“She is Lady Castlemaine, Madam.”

My heart began to beat fast. I heard my mother’s voice. I remembered the grave look in her eyes. “If by chance you meet this woman — which you should not — you must treat her as though she does not exist. You must never allow her to come to court.”

Lady Suffolk, herself overcome by embarrassment, was not looking at me.

I heard myself faintly: “I do not think I have met this lady.”

I was shaken and wanted to be by myself.


* * *

THE NEXT MORNING I felt better. I must stop thinking about Lady Castlemaine. Just because she had once been a friend of the King did not mean that she was now. I had to cast off my conventional ideas. My mother had understood. A young man with Charles’s gifts, his high position — even though at that time his rights were not acknowledged — would have many women to fawn on him. He was human. It was natural. And I was certain now that any amour of the past was over. We were married and he had shown well enough during the time we had been together that he loved me. He had said so many times.

I had to be worldly. I had to understand. The past was over. I must not look back. Soon he would be with me and I should be reassured.

Ignore her, my mother had said. Treat her as though she does not exist.

What sound advice she always gave.

I would forget what I had heard. There would no doubt be many stories about such a woman. It was no concern of mine that she had left her husband.

Charles returned. It was wonderful to see him. His eyes shone with joy at the sight of me. He put his arms round me and picked me up. I was so small and light that it was easy for him.

“Well,” he said. “Have you missed me?”

“Very much,” I answered.

“And I you…so much, my Catherine.”

I felt wonderfully happy.

We talked together. He said my English had certainly improved.

“Lady Suffolk has become my tutor.”

“I would be your tutor.”

“But when the master is away should not another take his place?”

“No one must ever take my place with you, Catherine.”

“Nor mine with you,” I added.

“You are my wife. Does that not mean something?”

“It means everything to me.”

It was wonderful to be together. When we were about to retire for the night he took a paper from his pocket and said carelessly: “Here is a list of the ladies I have agreed shall be in your household.”

I was about to glance at it when he took it from me and put it into a drawer.

“Look at it tomorrow,” he said. “There is time for that later.” He was smiling. “We shall be leaving this place soon and you will need a household fitting for the Queen of England. I know these people well and you have yet to meet them so I can vouch for their suitability…and you know you can take my word. I want you to be well served, my love. So…leave it all to me.”

I said I should be happy to do so.

It was not until the following morning when I was alone that I remembered the paper in the drawer. I took it out and studied it.

I felt faint, for the name at the top of the list was that of Lady Castlemaine.

My hands were trembling. What could this mean? He had chosen this woman, who had been his mistress, and was now involved in some scandal, as one of my ladies-in-waiting!

I could not understand what it meant. “Ignore her. Do not have her near you,” my mother had said.

I would not. I took up my pen and scratched out her name.

I sent for my secretary, Sir Richard Bellings, and said to him in Spanish, “Sir Richard, this is the suggested list of the ladies of my household. I have amended it. You will know where to take it.”

“Yes, Your Majesty,” he said and took the paper from me.

I sat down. I felt dizziness coming over me and I thought I was going to faint.

I sat there trembling, wondering what this could mean.


* * *

CHARLES CAME TO ME. He dismissed the women who were with me and I knew what he wanted to talk about before he began.

He said: “I see you have scratched out the name of Lady Castlemaine on the list I left for you.”

“Oh yes,” I said, speaking in Spanish. I was too emotional to think in English. “I could not have her in my household.”

“I have selected her,” he said coolly. “I have promised her the place.”

“How could you do such a thing?”

“My dear Catherine, I am choosing those whom I think would serve you best.”

Like most docile people, I am aroused to temper rarely, but when it is released it is apt to be more fierce than tempers which are allowed to show themselves more often. I felt angry now, and my anger was the greater because of the sadness behind it. He had chosen her. There could be only one reason. Because he wanted her here. She had been his mistress. She had borne a child. Whose child? She had left her husband, implying that he had no claim on the child. Then who…? It was becoming clear to me. The urgent business which had taken him away from Hampton Court had been to go to her. I had been deceived. I had been innocent…ignorant…and he had used my innocence to betray me.

I said: “Are you sure you do not mean she would serve you best?”

“What does that mean?” he demanded.

“It means that I know she has been your mistress in the past. The indication to me is that she still occupies that dubious position.”

He was angry; he was disturbed; but even so he managed to be amused. I felt then that he would be amused by any situation, no matter what pain it caused to others.

“What amuses you?” I could not help asking.

“Your solemnity, my dear. This is nothing…a bagatelle. We can arrange this.”

“I have already done so by crossing her name off the list.”

“But I wish her to have the post.”

“Why?”

“Because she is the most suitable for it. I know these ladies.”

“Very well, it would seem.”

“Catherine, you are so different. Where is my sweet little wife?”

“You cannot expect sweetness from her when she is asked to accept your mistress into her household.”

“I admit to a liaison in the past. There were…others, you know. It is natural enough. I was never meant to be a monk. All that is changed now. I swear I have not been with Barbara since our marriage.”

“Barbara!”

“Barbara Palmer, Lady Castlemaine.”

“And you are now proposing to resume the relationship?”

“Catherine! What has happened to you?”

“I should have thought that would have been clear.”

“This jealousy…this unreasonableness…it is so unlike you.”

“I saw no reason for jealousy before this.”

“There is none now. Catherine, you are the Queen. You must behave like one.”

“And tolerate the presence of my husband’s mistress in my bedchamber?”