During the next few weeks I was really happy, which meant that I could go for several hours at a stretch without remembering the sight of that devastated island and the terrible sense of loss for my loved ones; and at the same time I did not brood on the enormity of this masquerade which I had undertaken and ask myself how I could ever have been drawn into it.

The reason was that I was beginning to be more and more involved in the affairs of the castle estate. I relished the involvement. I felt I had been born to do just that. If only I had been in truth Susannah, how contented I could have been!

I was delighted to see the change in Leah; she was a beautiful girl and happiness accentuated her beauty. She and Jack Chivers were in a state of bliss. They spent every spare moment in the cottage getting it ready; the roof had been thatched and the place was beginning to look very different from the way it had during Mrs. Bell's occupation. I found some curtains in the castle which could be cut down and fitted to the windows. Leah's gratitude shone out of her eyes.

Of course there was some opposition and particularly from the Baddocks. It seemed, was the comment, that some people were rewarded for their sins and the righteous sent empty away.

Jeff Carleton agreed with that. I don't think Malcolm did. However, it was my will and, whatever anyone thought about it, they could do nothing.

I managed to placate the Baddocks by promising them the next cottage which fell vacant and they were, to a certain extent, mollified.

I was discovering a new talent in myself. I had always been interested in people. I understood them because I could put myself in their place; and this stood me in good stead. I was beginning to win confidences and this was quite an achievement, for Susannah had been very unpredictable—showing friendship one day and seeming to be unaware of people's existence the next. But I was winning through. I knew this by the way they discussed their problems with me and that I was beginning to erase the impression Susannah had made on them and replace it with my own.

Not only did it please me to be able to help, but always at the back of my mind was the thought: Is it so bad if I can do good to them? If I can make them happier than they would have been under Susannah, can it be so wicked? It did not alter the fact that it was fraud, but I could do some good through it. Susannah was not here to enjoy this so I was not taking anything away from her. But this should be Malcolm's.

Malcolm! He was constantly in my thoughts. Ever since the day when I had said that Jack Chivers should have the cottage Malcolm and I had spent a good deal of time in each other's company.

Jack Chivers and Leah Cringle were married. I went to the wedding and to my surprise Malcolm came.

The church was almost empty. None of the Cringle family was there. They were still showing their disapproval because of the circumstances.

"Let them stay away," I whispered to Malcolm. "It's a happier occasion without them."

"As usual you are right," he answered.

I was so delighted to see Leah come down the aisle on Jack's arm, her fawnlike eyes radiant with happiness. She saw me there and tears welled into her eyes. I thought she was going to stop in her progress and come and kiss the hem of my skirt.

Outside the church we congratulated them.

"Oh, Miss Susannah," said Leah, "'twouldn't have happened but for you. I can't never do enough for you."

"Well, here you are, Leah. Mrs. Chivers now. You're going to live happy ever after."

"That's a command," put in Malcolm. "A command from Miss Susannah, and you know they always have to be obeyed."

Leah hardly looked at him. She was so shy. But her great doelike eyes were fixed on me.

When she and Jack went off arm in arm to the cottage, I stood for a few moments looking after them. Malcolm, I suddenly realized, was watching me.

"Susannah," he said softly.

I was afraid to look at him, for I guessed I should betray the emotion I was feeling.

"You've really made their cause your own, haven't you?" he went on. "I dare say they will ask you to be godmother when the baby arrives."

I did not answer.

He came a little closer. "They seem pleased with life," he mused. "There's a great deal to be said for marriage. Do you agree with me, Susannah?"

"Oh yes ... of course."

"You contemplated it once yourself ... you and Esmond."

I was silent. I was aware that I was on very dangerous ground.

"Susannah," he continued, "there are things I want to know."

"I think we should be getting back to the castle," I said quickly.

He had taken my arm. "What's the matter, Susannah?" he asked. "What are you afraid of?"

"Afraid!" I laughed, and hoped my laughter sounded convincing. "What are you talking about? Come along. I must get back now."

"There's something I have to discover," he added.

I was sure then that he suspected me. I started to walk very quickly, and he kept close beside me but he said no more.

When I was ready to leave for the rounds that afternoon he was waiting for me.

"Mind if I accompany you?" he asked.

"Of course not ... if you want to."

"I want to very much," he replied.

Strangely enough, he said nothing more to disturb me and I felt really happy that afternoon. I found great pleasure riding beside him in the sunshine. I tried to forget that I was here under false pretenses. I tried to believe that I really was Susannah, a Susannah who cared about helping people and found happiness doing so.

We went past the Thorns' cottage but did not call.

I said: "Miss Thorn has spent many years looking after her disagreeable old mother."

"A fate reserved for numbers of women."

"It's not fair," I said. "I'm going to do something for her if I can."

"What?"

"I've discovered Miss Thorn is full of anxieties. Think of the life she leads! Oh, I do wish I could make her happy."

We had ridden some way round the estate and entered the woods. To me they would always be enchanted woods because of that episode in my childhood.

"Let's rest here awhile," said Malcolm. "It was always my favorite spot."

"Mine too," I said.

"There's a wonderful view of the castle from here. It looks like something out of a painting."

We tied up our horses and stretched out on the grass.

This was the nearest I had come to contentment since my parents had died; and the realization suddenly came to me that I could find happiness again. There was something else I had learned. My happiness was not entirely due to what I had been able to do on the estate. It was because of Malcolm.

He reminded me of my father. He was after all a distant connection. There was a strong streak of Mateland in him. I told myself that friendship with Malcolm supplied something that I needed to fill the terrible gap in my life.

He said suddenly: "How beautiful it is! Do you know, Susannah, this to me is the most beautiful spot in the world."

"You love the castle."

"Yes. You too."

"There is something enthralling about a castle," I added. "One thinks of all that has happened there. Just to look at it transports one back as far as the twelfth century and a hundred years later when the first Matelands came."

"You're well versed in the family history."

"Aren't you?"

"I am. But you ... Susannah ... you used to be so different."

That phrase always filled me with apprehension. "Was I?" I said faintly.

"I disliked you intensely as a child. You were a selfish little brat."

"Some children are."

"You were particularly so. You believed that the whole world existed to feed Susannah's whims."

"Was I really as bad as all that?"

"Worse," he said emphatically. "Even later... ."

"Yes?" I prompted, my heart beating faster.

"Since you came back from Australia I've been astounded. All that drama over the Chiverses' cottage and poor little Leah."

"There's nothing very unusual about it," I said. "It's a sad human story that repeats itself again and again."

"It's Susannah's part in it that's so unusual. You really cared, didn't you? And you've won little Leah's eternal gratitude."

"It was so little I did."

"You showed Jeff Carleton that you were in charge."

"Well, I am, am I not? He knows that."

"He knows it now."

"I suppose you think that a woman should not be in this position!"

He was silent for a while. Then he said: "It depends on the woman."

"And you think this woman is worthy?"

"Completely so," he answered gravely.

We were silent for a while; then I said: "Malcolm ... you thought when Esmond died this would come to you... ."

"Yes," he said, "I thought it likely."

"And you wanted it. You wanted it badly."

"Yes. I did."

"I'm sorry, Malcolm."

He laughed. "Sorry! Of course you mustn't be. It's what's called fate. I never really thought your grandfather would leave the management of the estate to a woman. He must have been very fond of you."

"You've done a great deal for the castle. I wish ..."

"Yes, what do you wish?"

I didn't answer that. I could not tell him what was in my mind. So I said: "I suppose you will be going away. We shall miss you ... Jeff and I."

He leaned towards me and put his hand over mine.

"Thank you, Susannah. I might be persuaded to stay."