"Anabel, I want you to come back with me. Come to the castle. I miss you very much. I'm lonely some of the time. To tell the truth, Joel is away so much ... and then ... and then ... I think he is not very ..."

"Not very what?"

"Satisfied with our marriage. He seems almost aloof sometimes. Emerald can say wounding things and so can David ... particularly David. Sometimes I think he and Joel hate each other. And then there's Elizabeth. ... I don't know what to make of her. Sometimes I feel so alone there ... a little afraid. No, not exactly afraid ... but ..."

"I thought you were so happy there."

"Oh, I am ... particularly now... . Anabel, I am going to have a baby."

I leaped up, took her hand, pulled her up from the stool and hugged her.

"Yes, isn't it exciting?" she said.

"Joel must be pleased."

"Oh yes, he is. Anabel, you must come back with me. I say you must ... particularly now."

"I don't think I should, Jessamy."

"But you must. You can't desert me."

"Desert you! You have a husband ... and a baby coming. You have everything. What can you want with me?"

"I do want you." She was quiet for a moment. Then she said: "Anabel, I'd feel happier, safer, if you were there."

"Safer? What are you afraid of?"

"N-nothing really." She laughed nervously. "I don't know. Perhaps it's because it's a castle. There's so much of the past there. All the long-dead Matelands ... Sometimes it seems as though they are there ... watching... . Then there is the legend about the wives. It's supposed to be unlucky to be a Mateland wife."

"Jessamy," I said, "you are afraid of something."

"You know I was always a bit silly. Anabel, I need you. I've worked it out. Janet could come with you. She could be your personal maid. It would solve everything if you came."

"But... perhaps the others wouldn't want me. Your husband ... your father-in-law ..."

"You're wrong. You're absolutely wrong. They were all pleased when I suggested it ... every one of them. They said such lovely things about you. Grandfather Egmont said you would brighten up the place. David said it would be pleasant to have you there because you are amusing."

"And Emerald?"

"She is never very enthusiastic about anything but she didn't say she wouldn't want you to come."

"And your husband?"

"I think he would be as pleased as the others. He thinks it would be good for me to have you there. There is plenty of room in the castle. And Janet can come too. Do you think she would like that?"

"She would," I said. "But I don't think it would be wise." I added firmly: "No, Jessamy, I won't come."

But I knew I should go. I could go two ways ... one was bleak, offering me nothing, and the other was beckoning me away to adventure, excitement and if it was going to be dangerous, well, it had always been my nature to court danger. It lured me, it fascinated me.

Within a month of my father's death Janet and I were on our way to Mateland Castle.

So there I was installed in my turret room. My new home was now Mateland Castle. Janet was delighted.

"A bit different, this, from that vicarage," she commented. "And here I can keep an eye on that Miss Jessamy, a gentle little thing, and I'm not at all sure that she's been done right by."

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

"I reckon she's neglected, that's what. And there's people here that wants watching."

So there was Janet, happy to be installed as the watchdog of the castle.

I was growing away from the shock of my father's death. I had not realized when he was alive how much I loved him. He had always seemed so ineffectual, so vague, so shut in with his books, going about his duties, delivering uninspired sermons every Sunday to people who came not so much to hear them but because it was expected of them to come. Now that he was gone I knew what an unselfish man he had been. I missed his gentleness.

He had left a little money for me—not enough to live on but sufficient for me to buy a few things I should need and enable me to preserve a modicum of independence.

To have left the vicarage and to have plunged into these new and exciting surroundings was the greatest help I could have to recover from my grief. I had never thought of my father as my guardian; he had never interfered very much and had been a background figure; but now that he was gone I felt alone.

I spent my days with Jessamy and I believe I was as much a comfort to her as she was to me.

There was no doubt of my welcome. Grandfather Egmont came down to dinner on my first evening and made me sit beside him. He seemed to be consumed by some secret enjoyment. "You're going to bring a bit of life into the castle," he said, his chin wagging to express amusement. "Always liked to see a pretty woman around."

David cocked an eyebrow and winked at me. "So you're here," he said. "One of us now. No need for me to say how I feel about that. A thousand welcomes to Mateland Castle, beauteous Anabel."

And Joel? He looked at me steadily, his eyes smiling, telling me more clearly than any words could how pleased he was that I was there.

Emerald showed little feeling either way. "I hope you'll like it here," she said, and her voice was dubious.

Elizabeth Larkham said that there was no doubt of Jessamy's delight in my coming, as though she felt Jessamy was the only one who was going to profit from it.

And so here I was. I had found a refuge for myself and Janet. There was no doubt of Janet's gratification. Even she shared that innate snobbery which most servants seem to have, and the grander the household in which they serve, the better pleased they are. And from a vicarage where certain economies had to be practiced to a castle where there seemed an unending flow of worldly goods was a great step upwards.

I knew from the first that I had to go warily. David had, without doubt, determined to pursue me. There was a gleam in his eyes every time he looked at me. I knew I was already his mistress in his imagination. I was determined that I should never be in reality and I could see that he was equally determined that I should be. He was a ruthless man. Yes, indeed I must take care. Not that I feared I should succumb to his wiles. That could never be; but I believed he would do his best to trap me into an embarrassing situation. As for Joel, I was unsure of his feelings towards me. There were times when I found his eyes on me with the same desire which I had seen in David's. When I was close to him he would touch my arm, my hand, my shoulders and I sensed that he wanted to be close to me.

I would have been insensible if I had not realized that I had aroused great feeling in these Mateland brothers.

There were times when I lay in my turret bedroom and said to myself: If you were a good and virtuous woman, you would go away from here. You know no good can come of this. David is a buccaneer, a descendant of those men who captured travelers and brought them to the castle to ransom or torture them. He would do anything to gain his desires. You are in acute danger from him. And ... you are becoming more and more involved with Joel. You are excited by him. In fact sometimes you seek his company. The truth is you are falling in love with Joel Mateland, allowing yourself to become more and more involved every day. To become his mistress would be more shocking than to become David's because he is Jessamy's husband.

It was an uneasy atmosphere. I locked my bedroom door every night. I was glad Jessamy was only a few doors away. I used to think of her and Joel together. But he was more often at the house in the town.

Jessamy was troubled. Once she had a nightmare and called out. I went along to her room, where she was tossing about in her bed. She was saying something about the curse on the Mateland wives.

I aroused her, soothed her and stayed the night in her room.

"You were dreaming," I told her. "You mustn't have these nightmares. They'll be bad for the baby."

Janet and I only had to say something would be bad for the baby and Jessamy would be most concerned. Her life centered round the baby. It was as though she looked upon it as some consolation.

There was so much I wanted to ask Jessamy about her marriage, but I found it difficult to talk of it. I feared I might betray my feelings about Joel.

The inevitable had to happen. I want you to understand, Suewellyn, that neither Joel nor I was wicked. We had both tried hard to stop its happening. But there is something unconventional about us both, and during those first months when I was at the castle we really did try hard, but it was too strong for us.

Jessamy had had to give up riding and I went out alone. One day I met Joel in the woods. I knew he had been waiting for me.

"I had to talk to you," he said. "You know I love you, Anabel."

"You must not say that," I told him rather feebly.

"I must say what is true."

"You married Jessamy."

"Why didn't you come with her that first time? Everything would have been so different if you had."

"Would it?" I asked.

"You know it would. There was a tremendous undeniable attraction between us from the first moment we met, on the altar steps. That was significant. Oh, Anabel, if it had only been you!"

I struggled to remember my loyalty to Jessamy.

"But it wasn't," I insisted. "And you married Jessamy. Why did you, if you didn't love her?"

"I told you about my first marriage. I had to marry again. I wanted children. I had waited years. That is what is so ironical. If only I had waited a little longer ..."