“It may take me a couple of days,” she said, and then she grinned at him mischievously, and he had a wild urge to remove the headpiece she wore, which concealed all but the front of her golden hair. He wanted to see how long it was, how much there was of it. He wanted to see more of her than he was allowed to, to hold her, to kiss her until they were both desperate for air. But he also knew that he couldn't keep her in the abandoned room forever, and in a minute he would have to let her go back to the others. But he hated to give her up, even for a few hours, until they were able to meet again.

“Maybe I should start hearing confessions here twice a day,” he said with a boyish smile, and feeling the same magnetic force pull them simultaneously, they kissed each other again, with increasing passion.

“I love you,” she whispered, wanting more of him than she dared.

“I love you too. I'd better let you go now. I'll see you tomorrow morning,” he said, kissing her yet again. “I hate to leave you.”

“You'd better. We can meet here again. No one ever comes here, and I know where Sister Emanuel keeps the keys to this office.”

“Be careful,” he warned her, “don't do anything crazy. I mean that.” He sounded very firm, and she laughed as she met his eyes again.

“Look who's talking. This is about as crazy as it gets.” But if they met outside these walls, they both knew it would get crazier yet.

“Are you mad at me for telling you, Gabbie?” He looked suddenly worried as he stood to his full height and faced her squarely. He had taken an enormous risk by telling her, but now he had put both of them in danger. But she looked as though she had no regrets. None whatsoever.

“How could I be angry at you, Joe? I love you.” And then with a shy smile, “I'm glad you told me.” But the situation was easier for her in some ways, she was only a postulant and had taken no final vows. She wasn't even a novice. Joe had been a priest for more than six years, and the consequences of what they had done were far more dramatic for him. His whole life was in jeopardy.

“I'm not sure what we should do now, Gabbie. I don't even know how I'd support you,” he said, looking worried.

“We'll see what happens. We can always work it out later.” There was a strength in her that she had never felt before, and in some ways, she seemed stronger than he was. “It's too soon to think about all that yet. Just know that I love you, Joe. That's enough for now.”

“That's all I wanted to hear. I thought you'd never speak to me again if I told you… I was so afraid…” She touched his lips with her fingers, and he kissed her hand. “Don't forget how much I love you,” he whispered, and forced himself to leave her. He stood in the doorway for one last moment, smiled at her, and then disappeared. She could hear his footsteps echoing in the hallway for a long time. She stood there, listening to them, and thinking of everything he had just said. She still couldn't believe it, didn't understand how this had happened to them. In so many ways, it seemed like an enormous blessing, in others, it was a dragon waiting to devour them. She wondered how long they could keep it a secret. Maybe for a long time. She knew they would have to, for a while at least, until they decided what to do about their future. And it was obvious to her that in spite of her delicate circumstances at St. Matthew's, it was Joe who had to make the biggest decision.

She looked through the rest of the dusty boxes, and only found one of the ledgers. But it would be enough to satisfy Sister Emanuel today, and it would give Gabriella an excuse to come back here again. They could meet in secret in the abandoned office, at least for a while. She left the room, and locked the door behind her, and as she walked back to find Sister Emanuel, she felt as though she were in a daze. He loved her… he had kissed her… he wanted to be with her… It was impossible to absorb everything that had happened, or even to begin to understand. But the sound of his words was still drifting through her head when she rejoined the others, and there was a smile on her lips that no one noticed, or understood, except Sister Anne, who stared at her intently.





Chapter 12




GABRIELLA STOOD IN line for the confessional the next morning. The others still looked half asleep, but she was wide awake, and had been since three A.M. It seemed like hours before she could see him, and she had begun to wonder if she had imagined it all, if he would be sorry, if he would tell her that he had come to his senses and never wanted to see her again. It was entirely possible, and there was a look of terror on her face when she finally stepped into the confessional after one of the oldest nuns in the convent, and said the familiar words to begin her confession. The comforting ritual was only a front now.

He recognized her voice instantly, he had been waiting for her, and without a sound, he opened the grille between them, and she could see the outline of his face, almost as though it were a dream.

“I love you, Gabbie,” he whispered, so softly she could hardly hear him, but she sighed with relief the moment she heard his words.

“I was afraid you'd change your mind.” She looked anxious in the darkness.

“So was I, that you would.” He kissed her through the tiny window, and there was a brief silence, and then he asked her if she could meet him outside the convent.

“Maybe. They take the mail out tomorrow, but one of the other Sisters usually does that. I can offer to do it for her. It's kind of a big job. Mother Gregoria lets me do it for her once in a while. But I wouldn't know till the last minute.”

“Call me at St. Stephen's. Tell them you're the secretary for my dentist, and you had a cancellation. Just tell me the place and time. What post office do you go to?” She told him, and he promised to be there anytime she called him.

“What if you're out?” Gabriella sounded worried.

“I won't be. I've had a lot of paperwork lately, and I've been meeting with parishioners at the rectory. I'll be there, and I can leave quickly if I have to. Just do what you can.”

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too.” They were in total collusion now, and determined to be together, if only briefly, no matter how high the price. They had both lain awake almost the entire night after their meeting in the abandoned office, and they knew that despite the danger of it, for them what they were doing was right. Neither of them had any doubt. “Say as many Hail Marys as you want to. And pray for me, Gabbie. I mean that. We both need it right now. I'll pray for you. Call me when you can.”

“I'll see you here tomorrow morning if I can't.”

She left the confessional with her head bowed, looking very solemn, and hoping that no one could see the excitement in her eyes. She was very glad that Mother Gregoria had been busy the night before, and had never stopped to speak to her at dinner. It would have been hard to face her now, and Gabbie feared that the Mother Superior knew her too well, and would see the look in her eyes, and discover her secret.

She watched him say Mass that morning, and found herself looking at him differently than she had before. He no longer seemed so remote to her, so mystical. Suddenly he seemed more like a man. It frightened her a little, and when she thought about it too intensely, she felt a little finger of fear race up her spine. But she also knew that she couldn't turn back now. She didn't want to. She wanted more of his kisses, and to feel the powerful hands and arms around her.

She left the church with the other nuns, and was grateful for her work in the garden. It kept her busy, and away from prying eyes. She mentioned to Mother Emanuel after breakfast that if they needed her help for the mail run that day, she'd be happy to do it. Her work in the garden was going well, and she had time to help them.

“That's sweet of you, Sister Bernadette. Ill tell the others. I don't think we have much going out today. But maybe another time.”

In the end, it was a frustrating week for them. There was simply no reason, and no way, for her to get out of the convent. But they met in the abandoned office two more times. There was a definite risk to it, and they were both aware of it. He was quieter when he came here now, and she had found the last of the ledgers, but she kept it hidden there so she continued to have a reason to come back and search for it. They locked the door while they were in the room, and they kissed and whispered and held each other as tightly as they dared. They sat on the floor in the heat of a July afternoon, and talked about their lives. Neither of them had figured it all out yet. All Joe was asking for now was just a little time. Time when they could behave like real people, speak openly, and walk down a street or through a park hand in hand. But even if they met outside, they knew they'd have to be careful, and she couldn't stay out for very long without alarming the Sisters.

For the moment, going out for a walk, and a few minutes of each other's time, was all they dreamed of, a small pleasure other couples took for granted, and one they would have to wait for until they were blessed by chance.

The moment came finally a full week after his first declaration. It came suddenly and unexpectedly when Sister Immaculata handed her the car keys to an old station wagon they used to pick up supplies. Some fabric had come in for their habits, and the nuns in charge of making them were anxious to get to work while they had time. There was no one else to pick it up, and she had to go all the way downtown to get it. The warehouse it had come into was on Delancey Street, and Gabriella knew how to get there. She had done the same errand for them before many times. And as long as she was going out, two of the other nuns had other errands for her as well. She had a lot to do for them, but she knew that if she hurried, she could eke out a little time with Joe somewhere on her rounds.