I tried to not think of Tracy… or myself.

"What up, Bauer?" Todd came from around the corner. I'd never been so happy to see him in my life… at least until he walked over and put his arm around me. "I don't give a crap that you're single now — you best stay away from my girl."

For the first time, Ryan seemed thrown off Todd, however, didn't pick up on this. He went on, "Now why don't you run along and start breaking some hearts while me partner en espanol and I head to class?" As he grabbed my arm and guided me toward class, he started shaking his head. "I'm telling you," he said with an overdone sigh, "having Bauer be single is going to be trouble."

Ryan was right about news traveling fast through the school — it was all anybody could talk about. I tried to not get caught up in it, but as the lone member of the Lonely Hearts Club, I couldn't help but notice how unfair everybody was being. Nobody seemed to worry about Ryan. Of course, he would have a new girlfriend soon enough, but if he didn't, it wasn't a big deal. It was his choice.

Guys rule.

But Diane was treated like damaged goods, the victim, A heartbroken, devastated shell of a person.

When people talked about Ryan, they were high-fiving, talking about his freedom.

With Diane, people were speaking to low voices, like she should've been ashamed to be single again.

So. Unfair.

I knew this. But it was still extremely awkward to be with Diane after school. I kept hearing a voice in my head that said, the only reason she didn't cancel on you is because she doesn't have a boyfriend.

On our way over to the diner, we talked about our families, and how Rita was doing at college, and how her mother was remodeling their kitchen. again. When we got there, we talked about classes. Then what we were going to order. Then, when it seemed like the only thing left besides the breakups (ours, hers...pick one) was to discuss the weather, we simply stared at each other.

"So," Diane finally said as she picked at her salad. "How's Nate? Does he still spend the summer with you guys?"

My stomach tightened. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh." Diane looked down, realizing her question had backfired. She seemed so sad as she pushed her fork around her plate.

Finally, she looked up again. "Can I tell you something?"

I shrugged.

"I've always been a little bit jealous of you."

"Excuse me?" How could Miss Perfect, blond-hair, blue-eyes model Diane Monroe be jealous of me?

"Seriously, Penny — I mean, seriously! Look at you! Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to look like this? I mean, look at what I'm eating, for the love of carbs!" Diane motioned toward her garden salad with fat-free dressing and then looked over at my turkey sandwich with cheddar cheese and mayonnaise and potato chips.

"First off," she began, "you can eat anything and you have an awesome body."

Whatever.

"AND you have the coolest style. I choose what I'm going to wear based on what magazines tell me. I look the same as everybody else. But you have your own funky style that nobody else could pull off. You always have."

In other words, I was a freak because I preferred All Stars over stilettos.

"And, you know, I'm not stupid. I know people like you a whole lot more than they will ever like me."

As Tracy would've said, what to the evs.

Diane shifted uncomfortably in her seat. "Well, I just wanted to tell you that."

"Oh. . thanks." I tried to give her a smile.

She picked at her salad again. "Do you remember how when we were little we used to put on those concerts for your parents?"

I nodded, surprised that Diane remembered the Beatles shows we'd performed in our basement.

"What did your parents call your basement?"

I sighed. "The Cavern." (The Cavern was the club in Liverpool where the Beatles had gotten their start.)

"Right remember that you had to be John and I was Paul and we had stuffed animals be Ringo and George." She started to laugh, leaning in. "And then we did that little routine in the cafeteria that summer up at the lake."

"When we went white-water tubing?"

Diane's eyes lit up. "Exactly! What were those guys' names?"

I looked down at the table, trying to remember the two brothers who'd hung out with us for that week.

"I just remember you completely schooling that one guy in air hockey." We both started to laugh. "Seriously, Penny, I thought your arm was going to come out of your socket, you were swinging it around so much." Diane started to flail her arms around fiercely and nearly knocked over her water.

And then something unexpected happened.

It was if the past four years had disappeared. As if it was just the other day that she was carrying around my books while I hobbled on crutches with a sprained ankle. the two of us began to reminisce about our friendship, and before we realized it, over an hour had passed, Diane looked thoughtfully at me, "Wow, Penny, it's been too long. We always had the best time together."

I smiled at her. We'd done everything together, made the promises that best friends make when they're in grade school — we'd go to the same college, get an apartment together, be each other's maid of honor...

Diane started to tap the table nervously. "I also wanted to tell you that I'm sorry." Tears were forming in her eyes. "I'm sorry that I threw our friendship away. I'm sorry that I treated you so poorly. And, most of all, I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to come to my senses. I can't begin to imagine what it must've been like for you. I couldn't help but think of you when Ryan and I broke up."

Her voice cracked as she said his name. The tears were now flowing down her cheeks. "At first, I was fine. My family was going on summer vacation. I had tennis lessons to keep me occupied. But a couple of weeks ago I had nothing to do. Practice hadn't started yet. I was on my own."

She grabbed her purse and took out a tissue. She started sniffling. "I would call Audrey and Pam, but either they had plans with their boyfriends or, if they made plans with me, they'd cancel the second Don or Brian called. And I know — I know — that I used to do that same thing to you. That's something else I'm sorry about."

Flashes from years ago. The moments that I realized that I was losing my best friend and feeling alone, having no one.

Diane wiped the tears on her face. "It was hard for me to realize that I really didn't have any true friends. Not the kind of friend that you were. Now that school's started, it's making everything worse. I used to have a routine — Ryan would pick me up for school, I'd go to his locker, I'd... well, you know. You saw it. I made him my everything, and now, now I have nothing," Her sobs turned into sharp staccatos while she tried to steady her breathing.

"I…" I tried to find some words to comfort her, but felt so conflicted. "Diane, what do you expect me to do?"

She looked up at me with her bloodshot eyes,

"I'm really sorry about what happened with you and Ryan. Really, No one should feel that way, especially over a guy. But still… I don't know what to do. Because I can't forget that you completely abandoned me. I don't know what I would've done if Tracy hadn't moved to town the next year."

Diane struggled for air. "No, you're right, you're totally right. It's just… I don't know who I am anymore. Everybody knows me as Diane, Ryan girlfriend, or the cheerleader, or class president. I feel so lost. Part of me thinks it's best to continue like nothing has changed, but there's another part of me that wants to just stop doing what everybody expects me to do. I don't know. ." She shook her head. "I don't know if I want to cheer anymore. I really don't feel like cheering. I don't know what I feel like doing. I'm just, "

I felt sharp prickles of moisture behind my eyes. Who would've thought that I would still have something in common with Diane? I felt lost, like her.

Diane looked at me with a mixture of surprise and sympathy. She quickly handed a tissue over to me. Before I knew what was happening, I was telling Diane all about Nate. I felt stupid, knowing that I'd only dated him for a few weeks, not a few years.

But for some reason, I knew she would understand. It took me a moment to comprehend that the tears that were now running down Diane's face were because of Nate.

"Oh, Penny, I'm so sorry. That's horrible! You trusted him, and he. Penny" — she made sure I was looking at her — "you did nothing wrong."

Although so much time had passed, I hadn't completely forgotten this Diane. The Diane who always knew the right words to say, the Diane who supported me no matter what. This Diane was the reason we had been best friends.

I tried to smile. "Yeah, well, I'm not making that mistake again, ever. I've decided that I'm basically done. You know, with guys." I tried to laugh, so she wouldn't think I was mental. "I just.. I'm sick of it all. Look at us, both in tears — and for what? Because we decided to trust a guy. Big mistake- I actually formed a little club."

"A club?" Diane leaned in. "What club? Who's in it?"

"Me, myself and I — the Lonely Hearts Club. I bet you think I'm pathetic huh?"

Diane grabbed my hand from across the counter. "Not at all. I think you've been through a lot, and you've got to do what you need to do to get through it. If only you would've thought of this years ago, imagine the trouble you would have saved both of us. But there's only one problem." Diane started to smile.

"What?"

"You can't really have a club with one person."