Elizabeth Eulberg - The Lonely Hearts Club

I had to concentrate on breathing, I was so overwhelmed and touched. I couldn't believe this was happening, that Ryan would do this in front of the entire school.

He liked me. He really, really liked me.

And I liked him. I really, really liked him.

I could no longer deny my feelings and tell myself that I couldn't risk the Club. How could I not want to be with someone like Ryan? How much longer was I going to fight it? How much longer was I going to lie to myself?

The first verse ended and Ryan stepped back, looking like he knew what a mistake he'd made. It was heartbreaking in so many ways. Diane suddenly popped out of her seat to help him. A second later Tracy joined him, followed by the majority of the Lonely Hearts Club. Ryan looked instantly relieved to have the backup help. I knew exactly how he felt.

I also knew that there were going to be so many rumors after this.

But at that moment, I didn't care. This was the single best thing a guy had ever done for me.

Granted, "Penny Lane" wasn't a grand love song, but to me it was the most romantic gesture a person could make. the song ended, and I gave the group a standing ovation. Looking at everybody, except Ryan, I had a slight panic attack. What was I supposed to do now"? Maybe since the entire Club had joined in, people wouldn't focus on me and Ryan?

Highly unlikely.

Ryan got off the stage and headed over to me, "If you couldn't guess," he said, "that song was for you."

I smiled, not knowing what exactly to say to him.

"All right, there is only time for one last song," Jen announced.

"Penny?"

"I've, uh, got to go," I said, but squeezed Ryan's hand before I headed up.

The last song kicked in and the entire Club was up on stage singing "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band."

We hope that you enjoyed the show.

TRACY, DIANE, JEN, LAURA, AND I walked out to the parking lot with a feeling of success.

"You guys, we raised over three thousand dollars! People were actually giving me more money so they could move up in the line," Jen said as she held on to the envelope of cash with all her might.

"That's fantastic, Jen — congratulations!" Diane said.

"Well, look who it is. Miss Penny God Damn Street!" We turned to see Todd, with the standard coupling of Brian and Pam, Don and Audrey. Ryan was right behind him. Missy was there, too. But it was unclear whether she was with Ryan or Todd… or just hanging on.

Ryan tried to grab Todd's shoulder, but he shrugged it off.

"Todd, are you drunk?" Diane said, unimpressed.

"Get bent, Diane." Todd was dearly drunk, weaving between the cars. I hadn't seen him for most of the evening. I was sure I would've heard his booing during my song... and Ryan's.

Ryan, once again, tried to bring Todd, back to the car, and this time Todd, pushed him. "Ryan, you're so pathetic."

"Oh, sure, he's the pathetic one." It took me a second to realize that came from me. Todd was suddenly in my face.

"Stay out of it, Bauer. This is between me and the dyke."

I tried to pull my face away from Todd's horrible breath. "What are you even talking about, Todd?" I asked- Ryan came over and I just snapped. "I can handle myself, Ryan."

He backed away, but kept his hands in fists as if he was ready to go into action at any moment.

Todd just kept staring at me. "You know, just because you're so pathetic that no guy in his right mind would want to go out with you, doesn't mean you have to taint the rest of the chicks in the school"

"Really, if I recall correctly, there was a time when you wanted to go out with me, but I seem to have a brain that prevented it from happening. If it makes you happy, go ahead and blame me for why no girls want to go out with you." I started to back away from him, but Todd took another step.

"Seriously, Todd, you better leave her alone," Diane said as she walked over with Tracy, Jen, and Laura right behind her.

"Oooh." He swayed in their direction and threw his arms up in mock horror. "I'm soooo scared of a bunch of girls."

"Actually, we prefer to be called women," I said, then bit my lip. I couldn't help it, but I knew that I was only making it worse.

Behind his shoulder, Missy was watching with a look of pure satisfaction.

Todd just kept swaying. "Look here — "

"No, you look here, Todd, — " I'd had enough of his childish behavior, and I wasn't going to let him ruin our night. "Maybe the reason why you haven't had a date in a while is because no girl her right mind would want to date a guy with the intellect of a four-year-old."

He leaned into me. "Well, maybe the reason why guys keep cheating on you is because you're a self centered bitch." He laughed as I winced.

"You know what? Maybe the reason why all the girls in the school are in this Club is because all of you guys are complete jerks. We'd rather hang out with each other than go out with any of you!" I realized I was making a generalization that included Ryan. "You're such a little boy, Todd. Why don't you go back to the football field where you belong, chasing after a Little ball instead of trying to chose after girls who are ten times smarter than you."

That set Todd off completely. "You little bitch!" He grabbed my wrist hard. I felt a surge of pain as he squeezed and twisted my arm.

I screamed out in pain as Brian and Don pulled Todd off me.

Brian pulled Todd by the wars, "She's not worth it, man. She's totally not worth it. Come on, come on "

Todd, shrugged Brian off and stood up straight. He gave me the finger as he walked back to his group of friends. Missy gave him a standing ovation as he returned. And I was the bitch?

Ryan walked over to me. "Are you okay? I didn't realize he was that gone."

I was shaking, and my wrist was throbbing, but besides that everything was just great! I meekly nodded as the girls came over to make sure I was fine.

Diane walked over to him. "Seriously, how can you be friends with turn, with any of them?"

He just shrugged. "You know he's not always like that."

"Ryan, Todd just assaulted Penny and you're just going to go back there and pretend that everything is okay?" Diane shook her head.

Ryan looked back at his supposed friends. "All right, let's not overreact," he countered.

"You have got to be kidding me." I looked at Ryan in complete disbelief. "You're going to stand up for him?"

You're on my side, I thought. You sang to me, right?

"No, of course not. It's just.., "

All my frustration from the last few weeks had built up, I was so pissed, I could barely see straight.

I turned to Ryan, heat rising in my cheeks. I could taste the acid on my tongue. He was supposed to be a friend of mine, but he was going to stand there and allow this to happen. He didn't want to create waves with his idiot best friend and disgusting teammates.

"Wow, Ryan, how disappointing. You wouldn't want to have to stand up for yourself, now would you?"

Ryan looked at me like I'd stabbed him. We both just stared at each other.

I instantly regretted it.

"I didn't mean…" I sputtered.

He turned away and left me standing there, with a look of pure horror on my face.

How could I say that to him in front of everybody?

Tracy put her arm around me and led me to her car. "Pen, he's such a jerk, don't pay attention to anything he said!"

"But Ryan — "

Tracy looked confused. "I'm not talking about Ryan. I'm talking about Todd."

Oh, right, Todd.

I kept replaying the conversation over and over in my head.

"Here, put this on your wrist. I'll take care of the bed." Tracy handed me a bag of ice, took the sheet from my hand, and started to make up the air mattress on my bedroom floor. "Penny, stop beating yourself up over it. He's an idiot."

I looked up at her. "Do you really think we've upset that many people at the school by starting the Club? First Principal Braddock and now.."

She shook out the sheet as it fell onto the bed. "Sit down." She sat on my bed and patted the cushion next to her. "Penny, the Club is one of the most important things that either of us has ever done. Todd Chesney is an idiot, end of story. Don't let it ruin the success of the evening."

I looked down at my flannel pajamas and put my knees up so my chin was resting on them, "I just don't want to be responsible for making anyone upset,"

"Do you know what you're responsible for?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know what to think anymore. Every time I thought I could handle the Club and being friends with Ryan, everything fell apart.

Tracy grabbed my shoulder so I was forced to look at her. "You're responsible for Kara being comfortable enough to talk to people about her eating disorder!"

Kara's transformation had been remarkable. Gone were the baggy sweats, pictures of stick-thin models in her locker, and her lunch routine of picking at a salad with no dressing. Now she wore more flattering clothes, had pictures of her friends up in her locker instead of waif models, and ate with the group. She still had a long way to go, but it was a start.

"You're responsible for the fact that Teresa kept her volleyball scholarship to UW."

Teresa ended up acing her Calculus exam, thanks to Marta.

"You're responsible for the fact that, for the first time in her life, Diane Monroe has her own identity. Remember what she was like at the beginning of school?"