She remembered that it bothered her. Granted, the accident had occurred over the summer and people had already mourned, but when she went by Ms. Childress’s classroom and saw that it was now being used to teach science, she realized she was angry, not only that Ms. Childress had died, but that her memory had been erased so entirely in such a short period of time.

She didn’t want that to happen to her dad. She didn’t want him forgotten in a matter of weeks-he was good man, a good father, and he deserved more than that.

Thinking along those lines made her realize something else, too: She’d never really known her dad when he was healthy. She’d last spent time with him when she was a freshman in high school. Now, she was technically an adult, old enough to vote or join the army, and over the summer, he’d harbored his secret. Who would he have been had he not known what was happening to him? Who was he, really?

She had nothing to judge him by, other than memories of him as her piano teacher. She knew little about him. She didn’t know the novelists he liked to read, she didn’t know his favorite animal, and if pressed, she couldn’t begin to guess his favorite color. They weren’t important things and she knew they didn’t really matter, but somehow she was troubled by the thought that she would probably never learn the answers.

Behind the door, she heard the sounds of Jonah crying, and she knew he’d learned the truth. She heard her brother’s frantic denials and the answering murmurs of her father. She leaned against the wall, aching for Jonah and for herself.

She wanted to do something to make this nightmare go away. She wanted to turn back the clock to the moment the turtles had hatched, when all was right with the world. She wanted to stand beside the boy she loved, her happy family by her side. She suddenly remembered Megan’s radiant expression when she’d danced with her father at the wedding, and she felt a piercing ache at the knowledge that she and her dad would never share that special moment.

She closed her eyes and put her hands over her ears, trying to block out the sound of Jonah’s cries. He sounded so helpless, so young… so scared. There was no way he could understand what was happening, there was no way he would ever really recover. She knew he’d never forget this awful day.

“Can I get you a glass of water?”

She barely heard the words but somehow knew they were directed at her. Looking up through her tears, she saw Pastor Harris standing before her.

She couldn’t answer, but she was somehow able to shake her head. His expression was kind, but she could see his anguish in the stoop of his shoulders, in the way he gripped the cane.

“I’m very sorry,” he said. His voice sounded weary. “I can’t imagine how hard this is for you. Your dad is a special man.”

She nodded. “How did you know he was here? Did he call you?”

“No,” he said. “One of the nurses called me. I’m here two or three times a week, and when you brought him in, they thought I’d want to know. They know I think of him as my son.”

“Are you going to talk to him?”

Pastor Harris eyed the closed door. “Only if he wants to see me.” By his pained expression, she knew he could hear Jonah’s cries. “And after talking to the two of you, I’m sure he will. You have no idea how much he was dreading this moment.”

“You’ve talked about it?”

“Many times. He loves the two of you more than life itself, and he didn’t want to hurt you. He knew the time would come, but I’m sure he didn’t want you to find out like this.”

“It doesn’t matter. It’s not like it changes anything.”

“But everything has changed,” Pastor Harris countered.

“Because I know?”

“No,” he said. “Because of the time you’ve spent together. Before the two of you came down, he was so nervous. Not about being sick, but because of how much he wanted to spend time with you, and wanted everything to go well. I don’t think you realize how much he missed you, or how much he really loves you and Jonah. He was literally counting the days. When I’d see him, he’d say, ‘Nineteen days,’ or, ‘Twelve days.’ And the day before you arrived? He spent hours cleaning the house and putting new sheets on the beds. I know the place isn’t much, but if you’d seen it before, you’d understand. He wanted the two of you to have a summer to remember, and he wanted to be part of that. Like all parents, he wants you to be happy. He wants to know that you’re going to be okay. He wants to know that you’ll make good decisions. That’s what he needed this summer, and that’s what you’ve given him.”

She squinted up at him. “But I haven’t always made good decisions.”

Pastor Harris smiled. “All that shows is that you’re human. He never expected perfection. But I do know how proud he is of the young woman you’ve become. He told me that just a few days ago, and you should have seen him when he spoke about you. He was so… proud, so happy, and that night, when I prayed, I thanked God for that. Because your dad really struggled when he moved back here. I wasn’t sure he’d ever be happy again. And yet, despite everything that’s happened, I now know that he is.”

She felt the lump in her throat. “What am I supposed to do?”

“I’m not sure there’s anything you can do.”

“But I’m scared,” she said. “And my dad…”

“I know,” he said. “And though both of you have made him very happy, I know your dad is scared, too.”


That night, Ronnie stood on the back porch. The waves were as steady and rhythmic as always, and the stars were flickering with pinprick intensity, but everything else about the world around her seemed different. Will was talking with Jonah in the bedroom, so there were three people here as usual, but somehow the house felt emptier.

Pastor Harris was still with her dad. Pastor Harris told her he planned to stay through the night, so she could bring Jonah back home, but she felt guilty nonetheless for leaving. Tomorrow, her dad had tests scheduled during the day and another meeting with his doctor. In between those things, he would be tired and she knew he’d need his rest. But she wanted to be there, she wanted to be at his side, even if he was asleep, because she knew the time would come when she couldn’t.

Behind her, she heard the back door squeak open; Will closed it gently behind him. As he approached her, she continued to gaze out over the sandy beach.

“Jonah’s finally asleep,” he said. “But I don’t think he really understands what’s happening. He told me he’s pretty sure the doctor will make his dad all better, and he kept asking when his dad could come home.”

She remembered his cries from the hospital room, and all she could do was nod. Will slipped his arms around her.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“How do you think I’m doing? I just found out my father is dying and that he probably won’t live to see Christmas.”

“I know,” he said gently. “And I’m sorry. I know how hard this is for you.” She could feel his hands on her waist. “I’ll stay tonight so if anything happens and you have to go, someone can be with Jonah. I can stay around here as long as you need me to. I know I’m supposed to be leaving in a couple of days, but I can call the dean’s office and explain what’s happening. Classes don’t start until next week.”

“You can’t fix this,” she said. Though she could hear the sharpness in her tone, she couldn’t help it. “Don’t you get that?”

“I’m not trying to fix it-”

“Yes, you are! But you can’t!” Her heart suddenly felt as if it were going to explode. “And you can’t understand what I’m going through, either!”

“I’ve lost someone, too,” he reminded her.

“It’s not the same!” She squeezed the bridge of her nose, trying to stifle her tears. “I was so mean to him. I quit the piano! I blamed him for everything, and I didn’t say more than a few words to him for three years! Three years! And I can’t get those years back. But maybe if I hadn’t been so angry, he might not have gotten sick. Maybe I caused that extra… stress that did all this. Maybe it was me!” She pulled away from Will.

“It’s not your fault.”

Will tried to take her back into his arms, but it was the last thing she wanted, and she tried to push him away. When he didn’t let go, she pounded his chest.

“Let me go! I can handle this alone!”

But still he held her, and when she realized he wasn’t going to let go, she finally collapsed into him. And for a long time, she let him hold her as she cried.


Ronnie lay in her darkened bedroom, listening to the sound of Jonah breathing. Will was sleeping on the couch in the living room. She knew she should try to rest, but she kept waiting for the phone to ring. She imagined the worst: that her father had begun to cough again, that he’d lost more blood, that there was nothing anyone could do…

Beside her, on the bedstand, was her father’s Bible. Earlier, she’d glanced through it, unsure what she would find. Had he underlined passages or folded down pages? As she flipped through the book, she’d found few traces of her father, other than a well-worn feel to the pages that suggested a deep familiarity with nearly every chapter. She wished that he’d done something to make it his own, something that left behind clues about himself, but there was nothing even to suggest that he’d found one passage more interesting than another.

She’d never read the Bible, but somehow she knew that she would read this one, searching for whatever meaning her father had found within the pages. She wondered if the Bible had been given to him by Pastor Harris or whether he’d bought it on his own, and how long it had been in his possession. There was so much she didn’t know about him, and she wondered now why she’d never bothered to ask him.

But she would, she decided. If she soon would have only memories, then she wanted as many as she could collect, and as she found herself praying for the first time in years, she begged God for enough time to make it possible.