“I’m not in the least reckless, you know.”

“You were dangerously close. You don’t understand these moors. You should come here with people who know the country.”

“I’ve been here quite a while now. I am becoming as sure-footed as a native.”

He was still holding me, looking at me appealingly. Then suddenly he held me tightly against him and kissed me.

For a moment I did not struggle. In spite of everything I wanted this … for so long I had wanted it … ever since the days at school when I had dreamed about him.

Then all my anger came sweeping back. It was anger against him … against Jeremy … and all arrogant men who thought they could use women as it suited them … becoming engaged when they thought there was a fortune, casually saying goodbye when there was not, marrying to retrieve their fortunes and then afterwards attempting to make love to someone they preferred to the one who went with the bargain.

Yes, I was angry, bitterly angry because there was nothing I wanted more than to be with Paul, to love him, to spend my life with him.

“How dare you behave in this way!” I cried.

He looked at me sadly and said simply: “Because I love you.”

“What nonsense!”

“You know it’s not nonsense. You know I loved you when we were in France and I felt you were not indifferent to me then. That’s true, isn’t it?”

I flushed. I said: “I did not know you then, did I?”

“You knew how you felt about me.”

“But it was not you. It was someone I mistook for you. Then I discovered my mistake. You’ve forgotten I’ve already learned something about men and their motives.”

“You saw that man when you were in London?”

“Yes, I saw him.”

“Something happened …”

“What do you think happened? He is married to my sister. I was godmother to their child.”

“But you and he … How were you?”

“He behaved like the exemplary husband. Why should he not? He achieved his ends. An impecunious young gentleman, he now lives the life of a very wealthy one. You will understand that. As for myself I was aloof, cool, dignified … indifferent. How did you expect me to be?”

“Caroline, listen. I want you to understand. Please … let us move away from this mine.” He put his arm round me and held me tightly against him. I made a pretence of trying to escape but he held on firmly and I allowed him to lead me over the grass.

He indicated one of the boulders. “Sit down,” he said. “They make good back rests.”

“I really don’t want to sit.”

“I think you are afraid of me.”

“Afraid of you! Why should I be? Are you a monster then as well as …”

He drew me down beside him. “Go on,” he said, “as well as what?”

“A fortune hunter,” I said.

“You are talking about my marriage. I want to talk to you about that. I want to explain.”

“There isn’t really anything to explain. It is all very clear.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“It is not really so profound, surely. You saved the house for the family. It was a noble act. Landower was passing into alien hands and for the honour of tradition, the family, the ancient ancestry in general, you sacrificed your own in particular.”

“You are so bitter. It tells me a good deal.”

He turned my head to look at me; then he took my face in his hands and kissed me, angrily, wildly, over and over again.

I tried to escape but it was impossible. In any case I did not really want to. I wanted to stay here, leaning against him. It was a kind of balm to my wretchedness, because I knew now more certainly than I had ever done that I wanted to be with him always and forever … and that I could never be.

“If I could go back,” he said, “I would not do it. I would face anything … rather.”

“It is easy to say that … when it is too late.”

“If I could be here with you and all that had not happened … I could be happy … so happy … happier than I have ever thought possible … because of you, Caroline. When I am with you everything seems different. I’m alive as I never have been before. I just don’t care about anything. I just want to be with you.”

I wanted to believe him. I wanted to lie against him and say: Let’s forget it happened. Let’s pretend.

I heard my voice, hard and brittle, because of my wretchedness and my need to disguise my true feelings: “It’s an old complaint. When things haven’t turned out as we expected … we want to go back and live our lives over again. We can’t go back … ever. We ought to remember that when we take these actions. No, Paul. You’d do the same thing over again. That house … it’s important to you … more important than anything. Just consider. You’d be living in the farmhouse. You’d see Landower stretched out before you … all that land which used to be yours for all those generations … now belonging to someone else. That would have been hard to bear.”

“I could have borne it,” he said, “if you had been there. And I would have got it back … decently … honourably … in time.”

“How is a farmer going to find the money to buy a big estate?”

He was silent.

“You can’t go back, Paul,” I said.

“No. That’s the pity of it. It’s a mistake, I know now, to live for bricks and stones. If you had been there it wouldn’t have happened. I should have known.”

“I was there.”

“A child. But there was something special about you even then. I saw you in the train. Often … during those magic days in France … it seemed as though you and I were meant for each other. You must have felt that.”

“I was pleased to see you. Life was rather dull there.”

“You mean I relieved the tedium.”

“You did, of course.”

“But you seemed …”

I turned to him and said coolly: “I did not then know about your bargain.”

“Don’t call it that.”

“Your transaction then.”

“That sounds worse.”

“It is what it is. It was a sordid bargain and there is no disguising that. You should have told me then that you had saved the house … by marrying.”

“I wanted to get away from it all. I was trying to behave as though it had never happened. When Miss Tressidor asked me to look for you I was excited … and then I found you … the same girl and yet … different. I just snatched at those few days and tried to forget.”

“It was foolish of you.”

“When you fell from your horse and I thought for a moment that you might have been badly hurt … killed even … I knew then that if anything happened to take you from me I should never be happy again. I should be living my life in a sort of twilight … which is what I have been doing until you came. It’s different now you’re here, Caroline; and somehow that gives me hope.”

“I cannot think what you hope for,” I said gravely.

“When I kissed you just now for a moment … just for a moment … I knew that you could love me.”

I was silent. I wanted to deny it, but I could not. My voice would shake and betray me. This was different from anything I had known before, but I must be strong. I would not be hurt again.

I said: “I don’t think you should talk in this way.”

“I want you to know my feelings.”

“You have explained them. Whether I believe you or not is another matter.”

“You believe me, Caroline.”

“I do not see what purpose these revelations serve.”

“If I thought that you cared for me … just a little … I should hope.”

“Hope for what?” I asked sharply.

“I should hope that I might see you sometimes … alone. That we could meet … be together …”

“It would be unwise for a husband to make assignations with a woman not his wife. They would have to be secret. If we met in public places the Lancarron gossips would make a good deal of it.”

He moved nearer to me and put his arms about me. “Let me hold you for a moment, Caroline my darling.”

We were silent for a few moments. I tried to draw myself away. I tried to deny the truth, but it was too strong for me. Whatever he had done I loved him.

He kissed me. He threw off my riding hat and ran his hands through my hair.

“Caroline,” he said. “I love you.”

This is madness, I thought. It can only lead to one thing. I had been humiliated once. Was I going to let it happen again? I knew what he was implying. I should be his mistress. Secret, clandestine, sordid … and in time he would grow tired. Goodbye. It was nice while it lasted. I had been wooed once for the fortune I was thought to have; and then discarded. Was I going to give way to my emotions? Was I going to allow myself to be used again?

I withdrew myself and said: “There must be no more meetings.”

“I must see you,” he said.

I shook my head.

“Let us take what happiness we can.”

“What of Gwennie?”

“She cares for the position. She is in love with the house and all it entails.”

“And not with you?”

“Certainly not with me.”

“I think she is in a way.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I do. I have seen her look at you. She loves the house, true. Why should she not? She bought it … but she bought you with it.”

“Please don’t talk of it in that way,” he begged. “Shall I tell you how it came about?”

“I know how it came about. It is a simple story. The house was falling about your heads. It needed a fortune spending on it. The family couldn’t save it. Moreover there were enormous debts. Mr. Arkwright came along and bought the house and then thought it was a good idea to buy the squire as well. It’s not a particularly original story.”

“That’s the bald outline. Shall I tell it my way? What you said is right about the house needing repair and the debts. Up to the time the Arkwrights came. But for one incident they would have gone away and it might have been that we should never have sold the place. Then I suppose we should have patched it up in some way. I would have set about improving my fortunes. I might have succeeded, who knows?”