Chapter 14




When Olivia and fane came to visit Bill the next day, they were thrilled to see him, and they both thought he was looking well. He showed them around the hospital and the grounds, introduced them to the people he'd met, and then found a quiet corner to sit with them outside in the warm September air. It was a sunny afternoon, and both girls were looking happy and well. They had a lot to say, they talked about their mother a lot, and said they'd missed him, and wished he'd come home. They were still both very upset about the divorce, but they were both distracted by school.

They went to the cafeteria for a hamburger in the late afternoon, before they left, and when they got there, they ran into Joe. Bill introduced the three young people to each other, and they seemed to hit it off immediately. Olivia knew someone he'd gone to school with in Minneapolis. The world of college kids was small. And he asked Jane how she liked NYU, he was thinking of going to law school there. She told him she loved it, and the conversation continued at a lively pace without further input from Bill. Joe joined them for a hamburger, and they talked about all the subjects that interested them. And the fact that Joe was in a wheelchair seemed entirely irrelevant to all of them. No one noticed, no one cared, and Bill observed as they left the cafeteria and walked back to his dorm, Olivia walked alongside her father, and Jane was walking along next to Joe. He seemed to be very taken with her, and asked if she'd like to go to a movie with him and some of his friends that night in New York. But she said she had other plans, and seemed sorry she couldn't go. She told him to call her another time, or she'd call him. They seemed to have a lot in common, and he hung around almost till they left, and then discreetly left them to their family gathering. He was sensitive and polite and intelligent, and Bill commented on how much he liked him once Joe left.

“He's nice” was all Jane contributed, and Olivia laughed at her.

“Never mind ‘nice,’ he's hot!” He was a great-looking kid, and Bill was amused by how they all related to each other at that age. They reminded him of puppies at play.

The girls were on their way to stay with their mother that night. And Bill went back to his room when they left. And when he got there, Joe was waiting for him, looking concerned.

“I'd like to ask you something,” he asked nervously.

“Sure, Joe, what's up?” He assumed it was another basketball game.

“I wanted to know if… actually … what I was thinking was …” This was serious, the bright personable boy was suddenly severely tongue-tied, and blushing to the roots of his red hair.

“This must be good,” Bill teased. “It sounds like you want to borrow my car. I don't have one, and neither of us can drive.”

Joe Andrews laughed. “I was wondering if you'd mind if…” He took a breath and plunged in,“… you'd mind if I call Jane sometime? I won't do it if you'd rather not, and she may not want to see me anyway … I mean … you know … it… well…”

“I think that's a great idea.” She'd had a boyfriend they'd all hated for two years, and much to Bill's delight, they'd broken up the year before, and she hadn't been interested in anyone else since. “As far as I know, she's free and not spoken for, though I'm not always privy to those details. You'll have to check it out with her.”

“She said I could call, and she gave me her mom's number and her number at school. But I wanted to ask you first.” It was a nice thing to do, and Bill was touched.

“I'd say that's a hopeful sign,” he smiled at the boy. “Better than Helena's sister then?”

“Are you kidding? You can't even compare the two of them. Jane is great! I mean … Helena's sister was a nice girl, but…”

“I know. She looked like a frog.”

“Don't tell Helena I said that, she was a really sweet girl, and very smart.” He looked panicked at the thought that Bill would tell Helena what he'd said.

“I promise I won't. I'm flattered you liked Jane. I'm very proud of both of them.” Joe could see why. He had liked Olivia too, but she seemed older and more mature, and more reserved. He was more comfortable with Jane, and bowled over by her looks.

“Maybe I'll call her tonight.”

“That's up to you,” Bill said, looking fatherly. “From here on, I'm out of the loop. She's a big girl.” But it touched him that this boy whom he liked so much had felt some kinship with Jane. It would be good for both of them, he thought. She needed someone bright and decent and kind in her life, and he deserved some happiness after what had happened to him. It never occurred to him for a moment that the match was unsuitable because he was in a wheelchair. He felt that way about himself, in terms of Isabelle, but for Joe and Jane, he thought it was fine. The dichotomy between those two ideas never even dawned on him.

The girls were pleased with their visit with Bill. And they both called him before they went back to school the next day. Jane didn't mention Joe again, so Bill had no idea if he'd called, and he didn't want to pry. And Cynthia got on the phone before they hung up, and asked if she could visit him that week. He hesitated and then agreed. There was no harm in it. After all, he'd told her himself that he was divorcing her so they could stay friends. Like the girls, he hadn't seen her in two months.

Two days later, on Tuesday, Cynthia came to have dinner with him. And when he rolled into the cafeteria next to her, she was amazed. People were smiling and laughing and looking happy, and it didn't seem to matter if they were walking, or in wheelchairs, or on gurneys strapped to body boards, everyone seemed to know each other and have something to talk about. It was one of the liveliest places she'd ever seen.

Helena stopped by to say hello to him, and he introduced her to Cynthia, who he explained was his wife.

“Who was that?” Cynthia asked afterward. “She's incredible looking.”

“She's a model.”

“Are you going out with her?” she asked, with a flash of jealousy in her eyes as he laughed.

“She's engaged.”

“Lucky guy.” Cynthia sounded relieved.

“That's what I said.” Bill laughed. They went back to his room then, and talked for a while. She looked all right, but she sounded unhappy when they talked about the divorce.

“Are you sure that's what you want?” she asked him again. “It seems such a stupid thing to do now, at our age, after all these years.”

“There was nothing left, Cyn. You know that.” He was gentle but firm.

“Yes, there was. There still is. Look at us now. We've been talking for hours. I still love you, Bill. Can't we give it another chance?”

“I don't have anything left to give,” he said honestly. “I love you too, but I ran out of gas. I'll always love you, but if we tried again, I think it would turn out the same way. If I go back to work, I'll be gone, you'll be pissed, you'll be doing your own thing again,” he didn't spell it out, but they both knew what he meant. She'd be having affairs. “And if I can't go back to work, I'd be sitting around the house moping while you lead your life, and this time I'd be pissed. I'm better off on my own. And so are you, until you find the right guy.”

“You were the right guy,” she said, looking sad. She couldn't tell him he was wrong. But she felt bad leaving him on his own.

“Maybe I was, and maybe I wasn't. If I had been, it would have worked better than it did.”

“I was stupid then. I've grown up.”

“We both have. So let's be grown-up about this.” She didn't say anything for a minute, and then sighed. She could tell he'd made up his mind. And once he did, Bill never changed course. That was just the way he was.

“What about Isabelle?” Cynthia asked then.

“What about her?” Bill didn't want to talk about her with Cynthia. “There's nothing to say.”

“Why not?” Cynthia was surprised. He had been so obviously in love with her, it was hard to believe he was willing to let that go too. She wondered if he was depressed.

“She's married. I'm here. That's where it ends.”

“It's not like you to give up that easily. Why are you doing that? She can't be happy with that iceberg I saw in London. He looks like a real son of a bitch.”

“He is. But she has a very sick kid. I told you that. She can't leave Forrester, she thinks it would be too traumatic for the boy, and she can't provide for him. Believe me, Cyn, it's complicated. And besides, it's a moot point. I'm not going to inflict my problems on her on top of it. She deserves better than that. And so do you.”

Cynthia looked at him carefully. “Is that why you wanted a divorce?” She was horrified at the thought.

“In part,” he answered honestly, “but we have other reasons too. I did it for myself. And I'm going to stay away from her, for her sake. Unless they can work a miracle here.”

“You know what they told you in London,” she chided him, “that's not going to happen. You're not going to walk out of here on Rollerblades, Bill. Don't do that to yourself. Don't expect too much.”

“I'm not. I figure whatever I get will be an improvement. I'm just saying that as long as I am like this, I'm out of her life.”

“Does she know that?” Cynthia looked upset for him. It was a terrible reason to leave someone you loved, worse by far than the reasons why he wanted a divorce. And in some ways, she thought he was right to want a divorce, although she wouldn't have admitted it to him. If he'd have been willing to come back to her, she'd have taken him in a flash. But she knew only too well how indifferent she'd been to him for years. She only realized now fully what a great deal she'd had. And it was too late for them. “Does she know why you're ending it?” She felt sorry for them.