When I retired that night, it was long before I slept. I kept thinking about the evening, the old cruel customs of the country and the fact that I was living under the same roof as the two men—I had to admit it—who had been most important in my life: Dougal and Fabian. How different they were! I was a little alarmed by the wistfulness I saw in Dougal's eyes. He was sad and regretful. It was not difficult to see that his marriage had brought disillusionment to him; and he seemed, even in the brief time we had been together, to be turning to me for solace. I thought I would have to be careful. As for Fabian, he had changed little. I must not allow myself to become too impressed by him. I must remember that he was a Framling and they did not change. They would always believe that the world was made for them, and all the people in it made to suit their purpose. Moreover, I must not forget that Lady Geraldine might soon be coming out to marry him.

Almost immediately Roshanara was married. We did not attend the ceremony, which was carried out in accordance with the ancient Indian custom. Asraf, the young bridegroom, I heard from the ayah, was about a year older than Roshanara.

"Poor children," said Alice. "I pray that life will not be too difficult for little Roshanara and her husband."

We saw the decorated carriages, for it was a grand occasion presided over by the Great Khansamah, who looked very magnificent. I saw the glitter of jewels in his puggaree.

I did not see Roshanara after her wedding. She was leaving with her husband for the tea plantation where he worked for his uncle, and it was some distance away. I wondered whether the uncle was as grand as Asraf's father; but it was difficult to imagine that anyone could be that.

We had settled into a routine. We had made a schoolroom in the nursery and there I taught the children. We all missed Roshanara. Alan was becoming quite a little person now.

They were happy. The change of scene had affected them very little, because they had those they loved and relied on about them. It was sad, Alice said, that their mother was not very interested in them, but I replied that she never had been, so they would not notice. True, she was their mother, but titles were not important and they were content with Alice, Ayah and me. We represented their close little world and they asked for nothing more.

Lavinia was somewhat pleased with the move now that she was settling in. Delhi was more fashionable than Bombay; there was more going on and naturally there was a greater military presence here, which pleased her.

"More handsome officers to choose from," I told her sardonically.

She put her tongue out at me.

"Jealous?" she asked.

"Not in the least."

"Liar."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Have it your way."

"Poor Drusilla, if you'd only pretend to think they're marvellous they would like you."

"I leave all that to you."

She laughed secretly.

As usual she was very preoccupied with her appearance and what clothes she should wear to enhance it. She had found some exotic perfume, which pleased her. I was amazed how little her experiences had changed her. The sordid affair with the mock Comte had passed her, leaving her unrepentant and able to forget Fleur as though she did not exist. Others had taken care of that misdemeanour. I think she must have imagined that there would always be those around her to do that. But in her way she was fond of me. She enjoyed shocking me; she liked my veiled criticism. If ever I suggested going she was alarmed. That gave me the weapon I needed against her now and then. She realized this and accepted it. And in spite of everything I had a fondness for her, too, though often I thought her behaviour outrageous.

She had followed the custom of the ladies of the household by interviewing the Khansamah each morning to discuss the day's menu. This surprised me, for in Bombay, where it had also been her duty, she had shirked it. But now she did it regularly. I was to discover why.

The Great Khansamah would come with his usual pomp to the upper part of the house and Lavinia would receive him in the little boudoir-type room close to her bedroom. She would be wearing a beribboned peignoir or some equally feminine garment, which I thought unwise.

She did not seem to be aware that this was a ceremony—a ritual almost. The lady of the house should sit at a table, dignified and precise, listen attentively to the suggestions made by the Khansamah, sometimes query them and make a suggestion herself, and then give way or insist, whichever etiquette demanded.

The procedure was quite different with Lavinia. I knew why she bothered. It was because the dignified Khansamah emerged sufficiently from his regal aura to imply that he considered her beautiful.

Dougal and Fabian were away for most of the day. Sometimes they dined at the house; at others they did so elsewhere. Dougal came more often than Fabian, who seemed to be more closely involved with the Company.

I took my meals with them. I had wondered how Alice felt about this, because she had hers in the nursery or in her own room. I tried to explain to her. "I think it's because I'm supposed to be here as a sort of companion to the Countess. I knew her from my childhood ... you see ... living close. She seems to want me there at the moment. Of course, she could change. She is very unpredictable."

"I'm happier this way," said Alice. "It suits me."

"I hope you don't mind ... really."

"My dear Drusilla, why should I? I'm sorry for you sometimes ... having to spend so much time with the Countess."

"I know her well. I don't let her bully me."

"She seems to be a very reckless woman."

"She has always been that."

"I guessed that, but I thought it would be different here than in England."

I agreed; and I often had uneasy twinges about Lavinia. Well, if there were scrapes here she had a husband and a brother to look after her.

We had dined. Fabian was not with us; there were just Dougal, Lavinia and myself. We had talked generally about things and as soon as the meal was over, Lavinia said that she was going to bed.

Thus Dougal and I were left alone together.

We were in the drawing room. The heat of the day was gone and the cool of the evening was delightful.

"The gardens are so beautiful in the moonlight," said Dougal. "If we put out the lamps we could draw the curtains and enjoy the scene."

This he did, drawing back the curtains. He was right. The scene was breathtakingly beautiful. I could see the pond with the blooms floating on its surface, and the banyan tree looked mysterious in the pale light.

Dougal said, "It isn't often that we get an opportunity to talk alone. It's a rare luxury, Drusilla."

"I know you are a little homesick, Dougal."

"Each day brings Home a little nearer."

"Are you determined to break away when your two years are up?"

He nodded. "I think so. People must live their own lives as they want to, don't you agree?"

"Yes, I think you are right ... providing they don't hurt anyone in doing so."

"I was never meant for this."

"No. You were meant to live quietly surrounded by your books in the shades of academe."

"I think you know me well, Drusilla."

"One wouldn't have to, to realize what you want from life."

"I would like to be reading ... learning all the time. There is nothing so exciting as discovering facts about the world we live in. I wonder more people don't realize it. It seems to me that most of them are chasing shadows."

"Perhaps they think you are doing the same. All people view life differently. What is excitement to one is boredom to another."

"How right you are."

"It is something we have to remember."

"I want very much to go home. I don't feel happy here. There is a brooding sense of evil in the air, I fancy."

"Do you really feel that?"

"It seems to me that these people watch us ... purposefully. It seems they are saying, 'You don't belong here. Get out.' "

"Have you told Fabian?"

"My brother-in-law is a practical man. As they say, his feet are firmly on the ground. To be in authority here suits him as it would never suit me. So you see why I plan definitely to go home when the two years are up and stay there."

"If you feel that, why do you not go before?"

"I have to give a good warning. So far I have hinted. I have certain commitments at home, I tell them. The trouble is, the family has been connected with the Company for years. If one comes from such a family one is expected to uphold tradition."

"Poor Dougal!"

"Oh, I deserve my fate. I have made one mistake after another."

"I think that is not uncommon with most of us."

"You have made none."

I raised my eyebrows and laughed. "I am sure I have."

"No major ones. Drusilla, there is no sense in trying to cover up what is obvious. I have made just about the most ghastly mistake a man can make."

"Are you sure you want to talk to me about this, Dougal?"

"To whom else should I talk?"

"Fabian, perhaps."

"Fabian? These Framlings are too self-centred to concern themselves very much with other people's problems."

"I'm sure Fabian would be sympathetic." He did not answer and I went on, "Is it your marriage?"

"Lavinia and I have absolutely nothing in common."

A sudden wave of anger swept over me. I thought: Why do you realize this only now? It must have been obvious from the first, and why tell me?