"I always look forward to new children. I've had two families so far and it is a wrench when you leave them. One has to steel oneself not to become emotionally involved with them, and remember all the time that they are not your children, although you're inclined to think of them as such."

"I have never lost touch with my nanny," I told her. "And I never shall. In fact, she is the best friend I have."

I talked often about Polly and Eff and the house.

"She was lucky," said Alice. "She had somewhere to go. Nannies, governesses ... they spend their lives with other families and never have one they can call their own."

"Unless they marry."

"Then they cease to be nannies and governesses. It's a strange thing. In my profession we understand children ... we love children ... we would make the best mothers ... but we rarely marry. Men are notorious for turning away from the women who would make the best wives and falling in love with some flighty creature because she looks pretty in moonlight ... and often they regret it later."

"I see you take a cynical outlook on life."

"That comes with increasing years. You wait."

"Oh, you are not so very old."

"Thirty-three. Considered to be most definitely on the shelf. Mind you, there is still a chance ... a very slight one ... that someone might see one and take to one. But very, very remote."

She laughed as she made these pronouncements, and I felt we were going to get along very well together.

There was one more session with Lady Harriet. We were given letters for Lavinia, which I was sure were full of admonitions. I went round the neighbourhood saying goodbye to my friends; I took a last leave of Ayesha and then we left.

Polly and Eff were waiting to give us a good welcome.

Alice Philwright was to spend the two days in their house. They had said it would be an easy matter to put her up. I think Polly was secretly pleased to have the opportunity of assessing my companion. I was delighted that they seemed to like each other from the start. Alice was completely at home in the kitchen and even partook of a glass of poker-heated stout.

She talked of her children in France and Italy and confessed that she was finding it hard to imagine what an Anglo-Indian menage might be like.

Polly said, "I'm glad you're going with her." And afterwards to me, "She's a good sensible woman, that one. I was afraid they were going to send you out with some young flighty piece."

I reminded Polly that flighty pieces rarely worked as nannies.

"You find all sorts anywhere these days," was her comment.

I had brought the peacock-feather fan with me. I showed it to Polly.

"It was left to me by Miss Lucille."

"H'm," said Polly. "Pretty."

She opened her eyes and gasped when I showed her the jewels.

"That must be worth a pretty penny."

"I believe so, Polly. Lady Harriet referred to it as a nest-egg."

"Well, that's nice to have, I must say."

"I want you to keep it for me. I didn't know where else to leave it."

"I'll take care of it. I'll put it in a safe place, never fear."

I hesitated. I did not tell her that it was supposed to be unlucky. I knew she would have laughed at the idea in any case; and I think secretly I wanted to forget it.

She said, "I wish I was going with you. Take care of yourself. And look out for that Fabian. I expect you might run into him while you're there."

"I don't suppose I shall see much of him. He'll be engaged on business matters."

"He's the sort who'd bring himself forward and I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole."

"I believe you've said that before."

"Well, I'll say it again. And remember this. We're always here. If they try any hanky panky ... either of them ... I never did trust anyone by the name of Framling ... you just let me know ... and I'll be waiting for you when the ship comes home."

"That's a comfort, Polly."

"Remember it. There's always a home for you here."

"I will remember it," I said. "Goodbye, Polly, and thank you for coming to the rectory and being there all those years."

"Well, we was made for each other, wasn't we? Now take care and come back soon."

"Two years, Polly. It's not long."

"I'll count the days."

And shortly after that we sailed on the Oriental Queen for Alexandria.

Alice and I stood side by side on the deck until the last piece of land that was England was out of sight. Then we went down to the cabin we shared.

It was small and cramped, but, as we realized later, we were lucky to have it to ourselves. But I was too excited to think about such details then. We were on our way to ... adventure.

I had had very little experience of travelling. True, I had crossed the Channel once or twice on my way to and from Lamason. I was immediately reminded of that secretive journey back to England with Janine and a pregnant Lavinia.

That set me thinking of Lavinia and wondering whether marriage had changed her and what surprises I had waiting for me at my destination. But that seemed a long way off. There was so much to be experienced first.

Within less than an hour of our departure the sea became very rough and continued so all through the Channel and into the Bay of Biscay. We had to curb our inclination to explore for a while, for it was difficult enough to stand upright on the ship.

When we did mingle with our fellow passengers we found them pleasant enough. Many of them knew each other, as they had made the journey several times on the ship; that rather set us apart, and it was quite unusual that two women should be travelling alone, for Alice, although of a more mature age than I, was still comparatively young. I was sure Lady Harriet would not have approved if it had not fitted in so well with her plans to send us out.

However, there we were, and in a few days we did learn a little about the people on board.

There were two girls—of different families—going out to get married. It was a fairly frequent happening, I understood. There was Fiona Macre, a Scottish girl who was going to marry a soldier, and Jane Egmont, whose husband would be one of the officials of what was referred to as the Company.

I kept thinking of Lady Geraldine, who would be coming out on some future voyage to join Fabian. I fell to wondering whether I should see him and what his attitude towards me would be. I wondered whether he would approve of my coming out to be with his sister.

Alice and I were naturally very much together and I learned a little about her. Once she had been engaged to be married. She had not then decided that she would become a nanny. She had lived with her married sister and brother-in-law in Hastings. She had not been very happy; not that her family had not been kind to her, but she had felt an intruder. And then she had met Philip. Philip was an artist. He had come down to Hastings for his health. He had a weak chest and the sea air was said to be good for him.

She met him when he was seated on the shore painting a rough sea. Some of his drawings had blown away and landed right at her feet; she had rescued them and returned them to him.

"There was this howling wind, I remember," she said. "It tore at you. I thought he was crazy to be working in such weather. They were sketches he was making. He was pleased that I'd caught them and we talked and got on well. Then we used to meet every day." Her eyes grew tender and she was like a different woman, soft, gentle and feminine. "We were to have been married. He told me that he was not strong. He had consumption. I planned to nurse him. I was sure I could bring him back to health. He died ... a month before we were to have been married. Ah, well, that's life. Then I decided I wanted to look after people ... little ones ... and I became a nanny. It didn't seem as if I were going to get any children of my own, so I had to make do with other people's."

We did share confidences very quickly. I told her about Colin's proposal and Lady Harriet's conviction that it was the best solution for me and that I was stubborn and foolish not to take it.

She grimaced. "You have to be careful of the Lady Harriets of this world. They are all manipulators. I'd never be manipulated. Good for you that you weren't either."

"I never shall be."

"You were right to refuse him. Marriage lasts a long time and it's got to be the right one. Perhaps you meet that one ... once in a lifetime. Perhaps he doesn't even notice you. But if he's the one no one else will do."

I did not tell her about Dougal, who had failed me before I had time to fall in love, nor did I mention Fabian, whom I never seemed to be able to get out of my thoughts.

Our first stop was Gibraltar.

It was wonderful to be on dry land. A certain Mr. and Mrs. Carling invited us to go ashore with them. I think they were sorry for two women travelling alone.

We had a very pleasant day inspecting the Rock and the monkeys, and it was exciting to be in a foreign place; but the British flag flew over it, so we still felt we were part of home.

Sailing along the Mediterranean was peaceful. We sat on deck basking in a mild sunshine. It was on one of those occasions that we made the acquaintance of Monsieur Lasseur.

I had noticed him once or twice about the ship. He was of medium height, verging on middle age, with black hair and dark eyes, which seemed to dart everywhere as though he were afraid of missing something.