Clearly the scene had shaken her as well as myself. Her thoughts had strayed from me and my affairs. What was happening at Framling was of far more consequence.

"Well, my dear," she said, dismissing me, "you will think about it ... and you will see what is best."

I was glad to get away and went thoughtfully home.

It was a real problem facing me, and though I would do anything rather than accept Lady Harriet's solution, I had to admit that the future looked rather bleak.

Two days later Colin Brady asked me to marry him.

I did a good deal of walking. I should have liked to ride, but I had no horse of my own, and although Fabian had long ago given me access to the Framling stables, in view of my inability to fall in with Lady Harriet's views, I did not feel I could make use of the offer.

I had come home after a walk and was taking a shortcut across the churchyard when I saw Colin coming out of the church.

"Ah, Drusilla," he said. "I did want to have a word with you."

I guessed what was coming.

I looked at him steadily. He was by no means ill favoured. His face shone with virtue; he was the sort of man who would walk in the paths of righteousness all his life; he would make no enemies, except those who were envious of his virtues; he would bring comfort to the sick and ailing; he would introduce a touch of laboured humour, and many a young woman would be eager to spend a lifetime caring for him. Marriage with him was as much as an impecunious parson's daughter could hope for.

I don't know what I did hope for, but I did feel that I ought to face the world alone rather than with someone who had been more or less ordered to marry me, and whom I had been advised to accept because it was the best thing for me.

"Hello, Colin," I said. "Busy as usual, I see."

"Parish affairs. They can be demanding. The rector was looking less well, I thought, this morning." He shook his head.

"Yes," I answered. "I am afraid he is very weak."

He cleared his throat. "It seems to me a good idea if you and I ... well, in view of everything ... it seems a good solution ..."

Again that irritation arose in me. I did not want marriage to be a solution.

"Well," he went on, "you know this place. And I ... I have grown to love it ... and to love you, too, Drusilla."

"I think," I told him, "you have been talking to Lady Harriet. Perhaps I should say she has been talking to you. One doesn't exactly talk to Lady Harriet. One listens."

He gave a little titter and coughed.

"What I was really going to say was that you and I could ... get married."

"And you mean you could take over the rectory."

"Well, I think it would be a successful answer to all our problems."

"I feel one should not undertake marriage as an answer to problems, don't you?"

He looked puzzled. He said, "Lady Harriet has intimated ..."

"Oh, I know what she intimated, but I wouldn't want to marry just because it is convenient."

"It is not only that ..." He took my hand and looked earnestly at me. "I am very fond of you, you know."

"I like you, too, Colin. I am sure you will make an excellent job of it all when you take over completely. Well, you really have done that already. As for myself, I am not sure that I want to marry ... yet."

"My dear girl, you mustn't think like that. Everything will be all right, I do assure you. I do not want to hurry you. If we could be engaged."

"No, Colin. Not yet."

"I know you have a great deal on your mind. You are worried about your father. Perhaps I have spoken too soon. Lady Harriet ..."

I wanted to scream at him, "Lady Harriet is not going to govern my life if she governs yours."

"Lady Harriet," I said calmly, "likes to arrange people's lives. Please try to understand, Colin, that I want to manage my own."

He laughed. "She is a very forceful lady ... but kind at heart, I think, and eager for your welfare. I have spoken too soon. I know you are very anxious about your father. We will speak together later."

I let it go at that, but I wanted to shout at him, "I'll never marry you."

That seemed unkind. He was gentle and goodhearted. I shouldn't let him see how angry I was because he had made himself a tool of Lady Harriet. Perhaps he was wise. He had his way to make in the world and he knew he could not afford to ignore those such as Lady Harriet when they crossed his path, for they could be instrumental in making or breaking his career.

I went to the paddock a good deal. It was in Framling land, but rarely used. I found a certain peace there. I could see the west wing, that which housed Miss Lucille. I thought a great deal about that strange encounter of ours all those years ago. She had remembered, and when she came down to the drawing room where I was having tea with Lady Harriet, she had come to see me.

I brooded on the past and tried to look into the future. It was growing of some concern to me. My father was getting more and more frail. He looked forward to that period of the afternoon when I would read to him for a couple of hours, for his greatest affliction was his failing eyesight, which robbed him of his contact with the world of books. When he dozed off while I was reading I knew he was very weak indeed, for he so much looked forward to these sessions. I would let the book lie in my lap and look at his face, peaceful in repose. I would imagine his coming here with my mother and the hopes they had had and how they had planned for me. And then she had died, leaving him alone, and he had given himself to his books. How different it would have been had she lived!

And now here he was at the end of his life and I should be alone in the world. No, I would have Polly. Polly was like a raft to a drowning person, Polly was the guiding star of my life.

I knew that my father could not live long. I knew that Colin Brady would step into his shoes, and there was no place for me here—where I had lived all my life—unless it was as Colin's wife.

Perhaps some would think the wise thing to do would be to take what was offered to me.

No, no, I said to myself. Why should I feel this revulsion? Colin is a good man. I should be content with him. But I had compared him with others and found him wanting: Dougal, who had made me think our friendship was ripening to something stronger; Fabian, who promised excitement and who had made it clear what sort of relationship there would have to be between us.                    

It was foolish to think of these two. They were not to be compared with Colin. Colin would never be overwhelmed by beauty as Dougal had been; it would never occur to him to indulge in a less than respectable relationship.

Sometimes I thought I was foolish to turn from Colin. Lady Harriet was right. Marriage with him might well prove not only the best, but the only solution.

While I sat leaning against the hedge of the paddock I often found myself looking up at a certain window and remembering how, years ago, Miss Lucille used to look down on us having our riding lesson.

One day I saw the curtains move. A figure stood at the window looking down at me. Miss Lucille. I lifted a hand and waved. There was no response, and after a while I saw her move away as though she were being led.

I saw her often after that. I usually would be there in the afternoon, and often at the same time. It was like an arrangement between us.

I was getting more and more uneasy about my father. He talked now and then of my mother, and I felt he was finding great satisfaction in living in the past.

"Everything she was going to do was for you," he told me dreamily when he had nodded off when I was reading and had awakened suddenly to find that I had stopped. "She so much wanted a child. I was glad she lived long enough to see you. I never saw anything more beautiful than her face when she held you in her arms. She wanted everything for you. She wanted you well settled in life. I'm glad Colin Brady is here. He's a good man. I'd trust him as I feel I can trust few others."

"Yes," I agreed, "he has been good."

"He'll take over when I'm gone. It's right that he should. He'll be better at the job than I was."

"You are very much liked here, Father."

"Too forgetful. Not really cut out to be a parson."

"And you think Colin is?"

"To the manner born. He's got it in his blood. His father and grandfather were both in the Church. Drusilla, you could do far worse ... and you couldn't do better. He's a man I'd trust with you."

"A lot of people seem to think it would be convenient if I married Colin Brady."

"The rectory would always be your home."

"Yes. But does one marry for a home? Did you?"

He was smiling, his mind drifting back to the days when my mother was alive.

"You could do far worse," he murmured.

They were all concerned for my future and the answer seemed obvious to them ... even to my father.

One day when I was in the paddock Ayesha came to me. I was startled to see her. She smiled at me and said, "You come here often."

"It's so quiet and peaceful."

"Quiet ... peaceful," she repeated. "My mistress sees you. She looks for you."

"Yes, I have seen her."

"She wishes to speak to you."

"With me?"

She nodded. "She has never forgotten you."

"Oh ... you mean ... that time I took the fan."

"Poor soul. She lives much in the past. She is ill, I fear ... very ill. She talks of joining Gerald ... He was her lover. It is wonderful to see with what joy she contemplates the reunion. Shall we go? You see, she watches us from the window. Very much she wishes to speak with you."