'What do you intend to do?' Julia stared her father directly in the eye.

Her father reached out a hand, but she brushed it away.

'You will have to make a choice, Julia—either your life with your family or exile.'

Julia's body trembled from rage. Her father had no wish for her future happiness. Her only use to him was a rung in Sabina's pathetic attempts to climb the social ladder.

'I choose—'

'I refuse to let you make that choice, Julia,' Valens said firmly and put Julia's hand in her father's. 'You stay with your family.'

All the feelings of anger, elation and rage disappeared from Julia's body. She drew her hand out of her father's and turned to stare at Valens. Had she mistaken everything? Her lips still ached from his kiss.

'I understand,' she said quietly, summoning her last reserves of dignity. 'I thought we had something, but obviously I was mistaken.'

'Julia, I do have feelings for you, but I know you love your family. And I also know what it is like to lose your family, to become one of the damned.'

'But I—'

'Hear me out, Julia, and you too, Julius Antonius. We could be happy, very happy at first, but there will come a time when regret like a snake grows and coils around your heart, poisoning it with its whispers. You would grow to resent me.'

'I could never resent you!' Julia cried wildly. She had to make him see. 'I care nothing for my life here.'

Valens shook his head. His eyes looked grave.

'You have no idea what your father is asking you, Julia. You will not leave your family, your home, your life because of me. I forbid it. I refuse to let what we have shared become mired in bitterness and resentment.'

'Most impressive, young man,' her father said. 'Spoken like a true Roman.'

Valens made an ironic bow and his eyes warned Julia to keep silent. Julia pressed her fists into her mouth. She wanted to hate Valens for taking away the decision from her, but a little part of her argued he was right. She was not ready for exile.

'Will you give me a little time alone with Julia to say my goodbyes?' Valens asked. 'The games begin in a few hours' time and I wish to bid her farewell.'

'Yes, of course.' Her father turned to go. 'I can give you that much, but no more.'

'Julius Antonius, one other thing before you go… Had I not been a gladiator, what would you have felt about my suit?'

Her father turned with his hand on the doorknob,

'You are an honourable man, Valens, despite your profession. I will answer the question when the time comes, should Julia Antonia still be free. I feel obliged to warn you though— I have had several other offers for her hand. Offers that would advance this family's standing considerably.'

He strode from the room.

Julia looked at Valens. She wanted to weep, but all the tears had long since fled. She felt numb. It was ending here. This was the last time she would see him alone. And he had refused her father's offer to let her go into exile.

Valens drew her into his arms and she felt his lips nuzzle her forehead. At his touch, she looked up.

'You must not weep, Julia,' he said with a tender smile.

'You are about to go out of my life, to fight in the arena. You refused to let me make my decision.' Julia Lifted her chin. She was determined that nothing should show on her face.

Valens reached out and smoothed tendrils of hair off her face. The gesture nearly caused her bottom lip to tremble. She forced her mouth to smile as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

'Your father has not said no. He has said not right now. You must believe in his words.'

'Valens—'

'Julia, I have to fight tomorrow. I need to know you are safe.' He rubbed a hand over the back of his head. 'I cannot be worrying about you and fighting at the same time.'

Julia stared at his pale face and her heart constricted. His injuries were too great. Claudia had warned her that he needed to be in top physical condition to make some of those rolls and parries with his sword.

'But you are hurt. Surely they won't make you fight with your injuries.'

'I have received worse knocks in training practice.' He knelt by Julia's side. 'Strabo would never excuse me from the games for such a minor thing. I would never ask.'

'But—'

'I am doing this for both of us, Julia.' He lowered his head to hers and touched her mouth with his lips. 'If I win the rudius, your father will welcome me into the family, you will see.'


Chapter Seventeen


Julia shivered in the pale rose light of dawn as she waited with Claudia, Poppea, and a small group of other onlookers and well-wishers, just outside the Aventine baths. The square had been deserted when they arrived, but now it was rapidly beginning to fill up with excited boys hanging on their fathers' hands and vendors selling all sorts of gladiatorial memorabilia.

It felt as if Julia had barely closed her eyes before Claudia had banged on her door this morning. She was pleased she had left Bato with Clodius. The old porter seemed to have a genuine affection for the dog.

She had also breathed a sigh of relief that neither her father nor stepmother was about when Claudia came to collect her. Her father had not actually forbidden the games, and she knew in her heart that she would have disobeyed him in any case. She had to go. She had to watch. She had to be there for Valens. She had to know what happened when it happened.

'Explain to me again why we are here?' Julia asked Claudia as the crowd started cheering and stamping its feet.

'We are here to see the start of the gladiatorial parade. The gladiators will ride through the streets of Rome in their chariots with the servants marching behind, carrying their armour. It starts here and then winds it way across Rome through the Forum and down to the Circus Maximus where they will arrive at about four hours.' Claudia waved a scroll under Julia's nose. 'You see the whole timetable is in here—from parade route to starting times for each of the events.'

'Events?' Julia looked blankly at the document. 'I thought there were just the games.'

Poppea gave a hoot of laughter. 'This is entertainment on the grand scale, my novice supporter. After the parade, there is the grand entrance, the warm-up matches, the fights with wooden swords by gladiatorial hopefuls.'

Julia unrolled her scroll and peered at the long list of events. 'When are those fights? Before or after midday? I don't see them listed.'

'Julia, Poppea means the lusio. They are listed just here.' Claudia unrolled the scroll and showed Julia the spot. 'They give the illusion of fighting. After one or two matches to warm up the crowd, the beast fights are at midday. After the midday interval, the real fun begins—there is the drawing of the names, the testing of the swords and finally the games themselves. I understand Caesar has thrown in everything from chariot fights to a pair of gladiatorix from Gaul.'

'When do you expect the Thracians to fight?'

Claudia gave her a sharp glance and Julia kept her face resolutely blank.

'Towards the end of the afternoon.'

'Do you think anyone will win the rudius, the wooden sword you were talking about?'

'You mean be able to retire from the profession with honour? No stain on his character from appearing in the ring? A man who symbolises the best in Roman heroics?' Poppea broke in. 'I think Caesar would dearly love to award one, but you know it is rare. I have only seen wooden swords given out a dozen times, Julia, in all the hundreds of matches I have been to.'

A blare of trumpets saved Julia from answering. She tightened her grip on her scroll and watched as the horses and chariots were led from the baths. Another blast of trumpets and the gladiators marched out.

Julia strained to see Valens through the growing throng. As soon as the gladiators had mounted their chariots, the crowd surged forward.

A hand touched Julia's elbow. 'Julia Antonia,' a heavily accented voice said, 'there is someone who wishes to speak with you.'

Julia turned her head slightly and saw a grey-haired man dressed in livery from the Strabo school.

'Just me or my friends?'

'Preferably just you.'

'Go on, Julia,' Claudia said, giving her a push. 'We'll meet you at the entrance to the Circus Maximus.'

She nodded and followed the man a little way into the shelter of the portico.

'Apollonius was able to find you,' Valens said behind her.

Julia jumped, and then allowed herself to be drawn into his embrace. The only thing that mattered was the safe feeling she had when his arms were around her.

'I thought you were out there,' she whispered against the white wool of his tunic. 'With the rest of the gladiators.'

'I will be in a little while. Maia, Tigris's wife, caught a glimpse of you and thought you might want to see me on your own.'

Julia turned her head slightly, trying to ignore the feeling of disappointment that grew in her chest. Following the line of his finger, she saw the blonde from the baths standing next to Tigris. Two young children clung to her skirts. Maia laughed up at Tigris and ruffled his hair. Julia was amazed that she seemed so calm about the proceedings. Her insides were churning and the games had not even begun.

'So that is Tigris's wife—I had wondered.'

'She is expecting their third, Tigris informs me.'

'He's a lucky man.'

'I am the lucky man.' Valens's lips curved upwards like a bow and his arms tightened around her. 'For I have you in my arms.'